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Do I keep trying to help or do I back off?

2 replies

TheGeoffLinton · 29/05/2022 23:26

I have a friend who has an adult DD with SEN. Her DD has really struggled with lockdown and it’s massively affected her DD’s mental health and as a knock-on effect her parents too. Her DD had a part-time job but lost it because of the pandemic and is now really depressed and struggles to get out of bed. My friend is understandably really struggling. She is also looking after her elderly mum a lot too. I’ve tried to suggest that her mum has a carer or even just a cleaner so she has less to do to help out as she is so exhausted. It’s not a question of money (her DH has said he would pay if her DM didn’t want to) but she won’t countenance it. I’ve tried to look up support groups or suggest she takes her DD to the GP etc or her DH take DD out for the afternoon to give her a break but she says no. I know I may be interfering (I really try not to push, just occasionally suggest things) but she just looks so world-weary and her DD used to be a positive person and is now really sad. Should I back off? Any suggestions?

OP posts:
Jott · 30/05/2022 00:48

I would back off. Even though you mean well by it and obviously care for your friend, the pushing is just an added layer of stress for her as it'll be reinforcing that little voice telling her that she's letting everyone down. Make it clear that you're willing to help if she needs it and then let it go, she'll either come to you for help or she won't.

TigerLilyTail · 30/05/2022 03:30

I agree that it sounds like your suggestions are just adding more stress for her. I think it’s possible she’s just looking for someone to listen to her problems, not fix them. Just make it clear that if she needs help, please just ask.

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