Will this have harmed the baby?

[Luuuuuudsss]

I’m so worried I’m 18 weeks and literally daily there has been often multiple arguments but at least one with my partner. This has lead to me crying, feeling sick from anxiety and having a tight and stressed feeling in my tummy.

im starting to take more control now and detached from it a bit. But will this have caused damage? I’m so worried.

even now arguing has lessened, I doubt the stress will go away at all.

The short answer is yes. But, don't beat yourself up about it or worry more. Sort out the issues with you and your partner, or split.

Also, you sound anxious. Start finding ways to relax and distress. Life isn't all rosy, I had horrendous stress during my first pregnancy. My dd (now 24) is a fully functional adult but she is highly strung. Maybe her pregnancy had something to do with it.

@crossstitchingnana thanks for responding. What will I have done? What will have happened?

I have never ever so emotionally sad and stressed ever. It’s been awful and my whole body has felt it.

No it will not have harmed your baby! Don't worry about that. But for your sake currently (when the baby is born it will be both of your sakes!) definitely try and sort it out as quickly as possible by either getting over whatever it is in your relationship and being a team again, or leaving to reduce your stress. Being pregnant is a stressful enough experience as it is so do feel for you.

I think its unlikely to have harmed the baby.

I mean, it's clearly very bad for you, and you need to do something about it - relationships really shouldn't be like that - but damage to the growing baby, no.

The pregnant body is remarkably good at protecting the baby (even when it's at your expense). To the extent that babies born to mothers trapped in war zones come out normal, despite huge stress and deprivation.

I'm not saying that to belittle your experience, rather simply to point out its a long, long way from things that cause actual harm

Your baby will be fine enough. My dad was dying and then died when I was pregnant and I was distraught. Everything was fine with my little girl when she arrived.

There are some interesting studies about genetic switches that can switched on during pregnancy due to environmental impacts. So for example in some species if there is food deprivation whilst mum is pregnant, the young will be born with a genetic switch turned on to store fat, etc.

There are also interesting studies about the effect of elevated maternal cortisol levels on pre-natal development. Cortisol will be high if you are stressed out, but in small doses it won't have any impact. So the example of a baby born in a war zone- yes they can be born healthy but that doesnt mean there is no impact at all from the mum being terrified and stressed throughout pregnancy.

Very interesting subject.

Don't worry though, just focus on not arguing with your pig of a partner.

You're very unlikely to have harmed your baby. They're well protected in there. Everyone has stressful times, and being pregnant is a fraught time in any case. Babies are surprisingly resilient.

I'm sorry about the first response you got. I'm sure the poster meant well but their comment ("short answer is yes") was utter horseshit, and very unhelpful in the circumstances

I was so anxious and stressed due to my horrendous job I was in during pregnancy. My ds is 14 and has always been the most chilled out and happy go lucky kid,
I know of woman who had chilled out pregnancies, didn't work, did yoga who had fretful and anxious children,
I'm sure there is medical evidence to support being calm and unstressed during pregnancy but I also think the environment your baby is born into is equally important. Make sure that is calm and peaceful and if that means getting rid of your partner then you should maybe consider that if it is possible. xx

No, it will not have harmed your baby.
But you do need to stop this happening as you don’t want a pre-term labour.

@SmellsLikeMiddleAgeSpirit - completely agree with all your points including the initial comment made by an unhelpful poster. Why would someone write that?

I read once that the amount of stress you'd need to be under to have a negative impact on your unborn baby is equivalent to being physically tortured (so an unimaginable amount of stress for most people thank goodness!). Arguments and feeling worried aren't going to do anything bad to the baby but do take care of yourself too. All the best.

No, definitely not. I was very anxious during my first pregnancy and our daughter has always been a chilled, easy child. I think you should be worried about yourself more in this case, and what the stress is doing to you.

This is good advice.

I'm sure you posted about this the other day,you need to find a way out of your situation so you aren't as stressed. Is that possible?

It won't hurt a baby you're pregnant with, but it is clearly hurting you (and you're important!), and would hurt a child if it carries on when they're born.

Baby will be fine but you’re clear not. Do you want to talk about the arguments?

I don’t know of any medical studies and IANAD so am only speaking from my one pregnancy! I was super stressed, traumatised from ivf, had multiple arguments with DH, was a hormonal mess and had prenatal depression (although never formally diagnosed). It was a bloody horrible time.

My DTs are absolutely fine. Born a normal healthy weight (even for singletons) hit their developmental goals and aren’t riddled with anxiety (unlike their mama!). DD is the most confident child I have ever met, DS is confident and happy. Could be good luck, could just be the way they were going to be anyway, I don’t know.

That’s not to say don’t leave your partner if you want to. You don’t have to stay.

As I understand it, the biggest risks are preterm labour and preeclampsia. I think that reducing your stress levels now will cut those risks (far easier to say than do I know!)

There are studies that have suggested very minor effects on babies whose mothers were subjected to high stress throughout their pregnancy. However, the studies are not totally reliable as the first 3 years of the baby's life are far more important in terms of their lifelong health and development.

In short: your baby is fine, but you would be wise to use the remaining months of your pregnancy to get yourself into a safe and stable situation ready for baby's arrival. This is what has been proven to give babies the best health and well-being outcomes.

Sending you a virtual hug and warm cup of tea because it sounds like you've had a really tough time.

It's unlikely to have caused the baby any damage hon so don't worry there but the more stressed and anxious you are the more chance there is of baby coming early and at 18 weeks it's way too early. You need to take whatever steps you need to to remove yourself from any situation that's going to get you worked up like this, even if it means staying apart from your partner. Please take yourself somewhere you feel safe and loved and try to keep as calm and relaxed as you can. I know it's hard but you'll find the strength xxx

I was under enormous amounts of stress during my second pregnancy.
I had extra growth scans. I didn't go into premature labour but he was small.

It's not ideal, but mostly the situation was outside of my control so I just had to do the best I could.

I had high anxiety in my first pregnancy. Son turned out to also have high levels of anxiety.....however I strongly believe mostly it will be because it's genetic rather than due to what happened in pregnancy. We have a family history of neurodivergence which also generally leads to greater stress/ anxiety. I was far far more chilled in subsequent pregnancies and my children still have inherited anxiety issues which mostly stem from being ND in a NT world.

Try your best to look after yourself going
forward.

I should have said stress will affect your baby but won't necessarily harm it unless the stress is chronic. Studies show that long-term chronic stress will harm an unborn child. The Police now employ midwives to support pregnant women who have had a traumatic event, or maybe dv.

It is to be taken seriously, as I said before I believe my dd is permanently affected by the stress I was under. But, I did my best and worrying about stress will only add to the problem.

Get help, get support and make changes where you can. Try and chill and relax to reduce the impact.

You are doing your best but life will not become easy because you are pregnant, shit happens.