Can someone help me understand my 3yo? - not interested in tv and does't play his toys

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I'm really puzzled and struggle to understand him (so as to support his development better). Nursery teachers have mentioned he's very bright from very early on. He was able to make a lot of remarkable comments since very little, and very observant.

But he doesn't like tv - at least that's how you can conclude if you turn on the tv. He claims he wants to watch a show if you mention it. But if you don't mention, he wouldn't ask for tv. Once the tv is on, he would watch for less than tv, then either started losing interest or claiming it's scary (all Cbeebies stuff). He might insist it stays on, but absolutely not watching it. I've tried different shows and none of them could appeal to him. It's not that I want him watch tv (I deliberately don't propose turning it on. Just occasionally, it would be handy if he could watch for half an hour or so while I do the chore.)

He also seems either not know how to play his toys or not interested. He used to be magnetic-tile crazy for 2 weeks when I first got a set. But then he was mostly building only a candle using the same pieces and wouldn't let go. He was happy to see me or his older brother build other things. But he didn't want to try by himself. Only once, he was alone in the lounge when I was in the kitchen. When I returned, he built this beautiful set of houses lining up. But that was only one off. Never happened again.

I thought might be not enough tiles to build bigger things. So I gave him another set as his birthday present when he turned 3. He has since only took them out, but only leaving them around without actually doing much apart from building a box.

I asked the teachers what he likes in the nursery. They didn't manage to indicate any particular interests. Only cars - which he likes but no way as "favourite or big fan"- and sand/water play - again I got a sand box just lately and he only played twice (really happy the first time) and never asking to play it again.

He's developmental normal. It's not that I'm concerned or something. Just it puzzles me profoundly - how to understand him and how to support him by the right kind of play. He likes to run with his big brother and play whatever he plays as long he's involved. But he always claims he's bored if he's alone.

Can someone help me understand him? I would love to know if anyone has a similar child and how they develop over years... Many thanks.

As another poster said, try some books for toddlers. Get them from the library so you can refresh them often. He might be interested in the pictures, or you could help him learn the letter sounds and easy words.

I shall be grateful he's not obsessed with screen. 😂 DS1 can get glued onto any show on the tv - even like Tik Tak at his age (10 years old!!!)

I'm just puzzled why he's not interested in the characters and the things they do in the shows. How his brain works! 🤔

My kids didn’t want to watch TV at that age either. Later, yeah.

Didn't know magnetic tiles are not the right kind for his age... I'm really bad at setting the expectation right, i think...

He has cooking set but that only had him interested in about a week. I 'm not quite sure is that I have to play together with him for pretended game? I grew up without those toys (I didn't own a doll till I was 10!) and my parents never had the time to play with me for all sorts of reasons. So just little experience for me to base on.

If you want him doing pretend play and role play at that age, you will need to model the social script. He has very little frame of reference.

It sounds like your ds is quite typical of a child with early language acquisition.

It's not uncommon for children who develop a skill particularly well and early to then have other skills that develop slower. They only have a limited capacity to absorb new information.

So his speech and communication is great. His motors skills sound really good with running around etc. He's then not had the chance yet to develop independent play skills (not uncommon when they've communicated well from a young age) because they learnt to engage adults well).

Sounds like your developing those skills well and helping him learn how to self entertain. He doesn't sound like he's distressed by you doing stuff or having meltdowns/ tantrums because you need to leave him for short periods?

I'd monitor. Id watch how his play develops and if you have concerns then engage with school/nursery senco in the future.

But it honestly could just be he's advanced in some development that you notice more that his other skills aren't as developed (iyswim?). And all children develop at different stages and rates.

I'm thinking that because he loves physical activities the way to get into his mindset more would be to be joining in these types of activities with him. Perhaps set up obstacle courses and have races. Buy some soft play type equipment and set up play areas. It's a way to develop his imagination and meet his physical needs at the same time.

He like the idea of play doh. But once I take them out, he just play less than 5 minutes and be bored with it. I guess that's normal for their attention span, unless I "play with him" (show off what I can make).

Same with paintings. He's not very into crayons - same as play doh, liking the idea of it but rarely does anything with it.

Outdoor plays in a field or going to shop are easier. We both like it once we manage to get out. But obviously not every day and all the time. (I'm a indoor person if you let me...)

@KindergartenKop , it's a lovely way to put it! :)

A child's attention span is generally a couple minutes longer than their age so at 3 years a 5 minute attention span is totally normal.

Wheres the paint? The duplo? The arts and crafts? The walks in the woods? The story time? It sounds like you need to engage with him a bit more.

It's reassuring to know. I think I got the impression from some blogs and all sorts of different theories that children can play independently at young age. It sometimes made me feel like I'm interfering with their development if playing together. (reading too many child rearing theories online?)

My DD is 3 1/2 and I would say her favourite play is imaginative play right now. We have had a play kitchen since she was 2 and have continued adding to it. She will play with it daily making me a coffee with her coffee machine or cutting up a cake. She also loves to get a blanket and play picnics but it does involve me sitting there while she runs around getting all the food for me so not too difficult. We also have a ‘shop’ with till, trolley and food which is another favourite. She is quite creative so I can easily lose her for an hour drawing, painting or cutting up paper but she would want me to be there while she’s doing it

My son was similar in that he didnt really do toys and the only thing that he really played with for a short while was mix and mash characters (superhero or starwars ones). Other than that he wasnt really interested and the same with mark making. He came home with a completely brown paint covered bit of paper one day and i was so happy!

hes much older now and is still much more outdoorsy (and im not!). Lots of friends and completely happy.

If you are still concerned you could try (and at preschool too) some identiplay. Basically 2 sets of toys eg a train and a few bits of track. You can model how to play, he might just watch at first but do this regularly and some children begin to copy and build confidence to make more independent decisions in their play. If you google it, it is a strategy commonly used for children with ASC but can help any child.

@itsgettingweird , I think your comment is spot on! It does explain it really well! His ability of grasping speech is phenomenal. He could speak full sentences with "because" and use the exactly right word in the right context since he's two. He speaks better than his ten years old brother in some way, just the way he articulate himself. And he talks non-stop! I sometimes have to hide in the kitchen to have my meal peacefully leaving him chatting non-stop at the dining table with his dad and his brother.

DH often say because his certain capability, we forgot his age and set the wrong expectation...

But yes, you are probably right (or absolutely spot on) about his other area developing a bit slower (but still within normal range) like independent play. It's true because he can engage with us well so he'd rather follow us around than sitting down to play his "boring" toys.

About physical play, I agree I should reconsider my focus. Because the subtle side of his temperament , I always pictured him liking quieter activities - more constructing side of things. I have to admit it's probably what I want, not exactly what he wants. Thank you for the advice. I will think about how to make the best out of his preference (not what I want him to do).

Sorry for all the typos and grammar mistakes!!! 😳

I appreciate your suggestions, @RexBurt . I have been wondering if I really should model more (instead of thinking it's interfering his inherent creativity). I have been led to sort of believe he's capable of coming up with how to play just out his little mind. I now think I have been doing it wrong all along...

Outdoor plays in a field or going to shop are easier. We both like it once we manage to get out. But obviously not every day and all the time. (I'm a indoor person if you let me...)

I hear you. I love being out of the house, but some days I really just want an afternoon at home. It’s just not worth it though, DS needs a lot of time outdoors, for both physical and mental stimulation. He can entertain himself for hours outside, but in our living room it’s ten minutes tops. I think some kids are outdoor cats and just prefer learning and interacting with the outside world as opposed to classic toys. I have to say I don’t think going out, even briefly, every day is unreasonable with a 3 year old…sorry!

I'd be happy if DS2 can do that. But I guess he's just not that type. Or it's a matter of time and lots of modelling. But I shall admit there's nothing wrong if he never gets into it, as long as he's happy and find other things to keep himself occupied.

They're all different but you do need to model small world play for them to get it in my experience. Get some happy land stuff and play with it with him, give him the script. You might have to do this a few times before he gets it.

He can paint for 30 minutes, but never asked for it. Not interested in duplo, not even tiny bit... I'm not an craftsy person myself - find it really hard to go through...

I do all these things from time to time (reading every day). Just that he never asked for any of these voluntarily - but would be happy if I lead him to do. If not, he can find things to keep himself occupied, but just not these typical toys/mark making things.

My DD has only started to play properly now she's 4,5. Before that she wouldn't really play independently unless it was puzzles.

Have you got a toy library you can go to to try out different toys?

Yes, he likes going to the library. Just once he gets there, less than 2 minutes (while I was still searching for books), he'd ask "Can we go home now?" 😅I started reading a bit to him in the library, but he never seemed relaxed there and couldn't sit for long ( I guess that's normal too for his age?)

Thanks! That is another valuable take from all the good advices in this post. I will model more from now on!

Spot on! Thank you. I've been getting it wrong all along!

Do you think he's maybe just more interested in your attention than any of the activities? Which would be a positive thing if so, though I know you can't play with him all the time.