Help please?

[4ina]

I’m not sure where to put this sorry basically me and DP had our baby December 2021

I love him but the past 3 months or so I feel a bit distant we don’t get to cuddle or have sex so I assume this is it

hes quite short in his tone (he’s always been a bit abrupt) and finds it difficult to show affection

when I’ve brought this up he gets a bit annoyed and says I’m being needy and says “I’m not doing this” meaning a big chat and he says I always go on at him

I get he’s tired and our life is different now but will it be this?

he says he loves me and gets upset when I ask but he just seems distant - I think relationships require work after a baby but he doesn’t like deep chats

Tell him there's clearly something wrong and if he's not willing to discuss it you'll need to discuss how to coparent because you refuse to feel tense all the time.

A relationship where one half refuses to hear the other and will only listen to happy surface-level topics can't survive unless the unheard person subjugates themselves to the other accepting all circumstances without any influence or autonomy on the dynamics in the relationship. Which is no way to live.
He is emotionally illiterate and bad at managing his feelings, when you make him uncomfortable his solution is to silence you.
That's not sustainable. He needs to recognise this and change or the relationship will die. Third party therapy seems likely the only chance to achieve change as he is clearly very entrenched in his outlook.

Do you think I suggest counselling ? I feel weird as we’re not married but sometimes I feel he needs to hear it from a neutral POV to not think I’m nagging

He doesn't need to hear it from someone neutral, he needs to be interested in talking to you and he's not.

id say there's something not right and we need to talk openly & honestly OR split up.

don't hang around needing more from a relationship if he doesn't care enough to talk to you. Just don't.

If he won't talk to you do you honestly believe he will talk to a counsellor?

Hard to 'suggest' something to someone who doesn't think they have a problem and thinks the issue is you, the suggestion won't resonate as he is quite happy as things are.
In your position I'd tell him you can't live in a relationship where nothing that matters can ever be aired because one person's inability to reflect on uncomfortable things constructively (you know like an adult) trumps the others need to be in a mutually agreeable relationship which is the result of a joint partnership which includes healthy teamwork (you can't have a good team without communication).
If he wants to know. The only way to carry on would be with improvements which you think might require help.
It might sound a bit drastic (it is) but living with someone who just doesn't want to hear it is a long slow torture. Hard to see it going anywhere other than frustration and dissatisfaction until you've either forgotten how to trust and feel your own feelings about the things you need or your love is dead.

Unless he is willing to talk that would change everything. Can he give you a time he isn't tired when he can talk. It's crazy to go through a big change and think you can get through that without talking about the affect and adjustments you are absorbing as a couple. Little things will end up buried and becoming big things, small repairs as you go along are so much better.