Introvert going to an industry conference-any tips?

[Sleepdeprived42long]

I’ve been asked to attend a 3 day industry association conference (includes dinners and networking sessions) representing my organisation. Not the sort of thing that comes up often (I’ve worked there 15years and this is the first time!) and it’s a big deal to have been asked. I said yes but now I’m panicking as I can be very shy and introverted around strangers. Small talk is my idea of hell, I’ve got hearing loss in both ears which makes conversation difficult when background noise, I hate speaking up in front of others and when I get embarrassed (fairly easily!) my whole body goes red as a beetroot!

So, do any fellow introverts, or anyone really lol, have any tips on how I can do this without embarrassing myself and my organisation and maybe even enjoying myself???

I don't know the answer OP but you could be me (especially the difficulty in hearing in crowded places) so I'm following!

@Baystard its rubbish isn’t it! Although comforting to know I’m not alone in feeling this way!

I did a big event last week. I hadn't done such a big thing in years and I was ill prepared. I was floored with utter exhaustion that evening and the next day. All I can say is try to to alternate being "on" with being "off", like alternating alcoholic drinks with water, if you want to feel reasonably well you'll have to miss some things.

I concentrate on smiling when I say hello, remembering people's names and something about them. Then you've got allies when you walk in the room and people to talk to. If you find the right question to ask and make encouraging listening noises a lot of people will talk for ages. I used to go red a lot but this has got better- I think I give much less headspace to what anyone else might be thinking about me which has helped a lot.

I go to a lot of conferences, and have to do the networking thing. My idea of hell is having to make small talk at the school gate, yet an industry event is actually very easy as you have a big overlap in things you are interested in. Start off with a 'Hi, I'm SleepDeprived, I don't think we've met before - I'm with Blahdeblah and I make widgets, specialising in microwidgets' then they will tell you about themselves a bit and you get to say 'oh, nano widgets, how interesting how did you get into that' then maybe a 'did you hear Hannah Mycrofts talk earlier on macrowidgets' and they say 'yes, I thought that bit was very insightful' and so on. If they are super boring, push off to the loo and then circulate

Prepare 3 or 4 questions that you’ll ask people that you meet, which invite them to talk about themselves. People love talking about themselves, and having a few prompts lined up will take a lot of the feeling of randomness and pressure out of small talk for you. You can recycle the same questions with different people.

Then, find a nice washroom or outdoor area, and take lots of little “alone time” breaks. When you’re feeling recharged, DEEEEEEP breath, and out you go.

I also find it helpful to “play a role” sometimes. As in, pretend to be someone else. I don’t mean give people a false name (that would be insane!), but I try to channel my more confident and extroverted colleagues. I used to ask myself when I was really shy, “how would [Colleague “Pam”] behave?”, and all of a sudden I was confident and funny… and kind of enjoyed myself!

My advice for these types of events is arrive late and leave early.

I have to do a lot of these. My three tricks are: 1. Find a secluded spot somewhere to use as a break area, take your earphones plus notebook and you make it look like you're on a call so no one will bother you. 2. Go to as many talks as possible - they're downtime from engaging with others!! 3. Skip some of the dinner / drinks things or only stay for one drink - if doing 3 nights for example I might do dinner and drinks the first night, then pretend I'm meeting a friend who lives locally for dinner the second night (but actually stay at my hotel, order room service and be asleep by 8pm) and the last night just go for one or two saying I don't want to feel shit for travelling the next day.

Prepare a few intros / things to talk about based on the industry / your organisation's work. (You might find you have the same conversation several times over but that's fine!)

Give yourself permission to take a walk outside for a breather as often as you need to

If you meet a friendly extrovert then buddy up with them, as a fellow introvert I find these are far more easy to talk to than other introverts like me 😆 and they'll probably help with introduction to others

Find out ahead of time if there will be a breakout room. (Because often you only realise there was one once you’re home and reading all the conference literature you’d ignored.)

Concentrate on the presentations / meetings that are crucial to your organisation and don’t feel obliged to show up to any others.

As pp have advised, be quick to ask your interlocutor about their speciality; then all you have to do is nod intelligently.

I weirdly find conferences easier than other parts of life - clear rules and a general obligation to behave well!

Sorry, I think I missed the point, I was only talking about introversion, I.e. the ever draining battery that is a social event, and see you wanted ideas re social anxiety. There are some good ideas here!

Fellow introvert here. I think the social strategies need to go alongside some self protection. Find some way of alternating the ' networking' ugh, with downtime of some kind. Don't go to all the sessions. Maybe take some food of your own so you can find a quiet place to yourself.

As pp said, have at least one night in your room. Feign illness if necessary. Plan a quiet day afterwards or maybe a day's leave.

I have a big event upcoming, first since lockdown. I will know many there but still dreading it beyond words.

Solidarity O P.

Thanks for all these amazing suggestions and support-so nice to know I’m not alone in feeling this way. Some of these ideas are so obvious yet I would never have thought of them!

I think I might keep a note after the first night who I met, where they’re from and if they said anything interesting. I’m terrible at remembering names and faces but if I write it down, I’ll hopefully be better prepared for day 2/3.

@TottersBlankly what do you mean by clear rules? I’ve never been to anything on this level before and with overnight stay, dinners etc. Anything you think it would be good for me to know?

Oh dear!

It may not be the same in your area of work but nowadays every conference I attend (in person or on screen) comes with a long preamble about treating everyone with respect and being a supportive environment, and, and, and … While, on the one hand, I find enforced niceness a bit irksome, on the other it does mean other people have to be nice to me - which makes life quite relaxing.

@TottersBlankly ah ok! I’ve not seen anything like that for this conference but I totally get why that would actually put your mind at ease as everyone knows what’s expected of them.

It depends on the type of conference organisation, but I find offering to help works surprisingly well. I'm what I'd describe as a reasonably sociable introvert, so am naturally friendly but find it exhausting, and am pretty boring so run out of small talk quickly! If you're the one busy handing out leaflets or something similar you have a perfect opportunity to politely smile and say "Hi, how are you..." and do two minutes of interaction followed by "lovely to meet you, I must get on and hand out the rest of these..." And, your reputation is boosted by being seen as a nice helpful person.

So many brilliant suggestions here. I think the conference is likely to be very small (I think 250 max) as these things go. I think that’ll probably make it a bit more difficult to duck out without it being noticed! Most of the attendees are at a much higher level than me and are friendly with my Chief Exec which makes it more nerve wracking! I want to feel like nobody would notice if I disappear for an evening or session but I have a feeling it probably would be!

For names, my tip is to “forget” your business cards but use your phone instead. Get the person to give you their LinkedIn URL and send them a connection that day. For me that makes it easier as I remember faces but not names (Most LinkedIn profiles have photos). There is also a feature on LinkedIn (or you could just use your phone) for notes - a few bullet points like

• works for cityco


• lives in Birmingham


• into specialist marcoqidgets


• going skydiving next year for charity

little details like that make the next connection much easier. I do this as I go (taking micro breaks to top up my notes). I have a terrible memory!

How much will your hearing loss be a problem?
I have seen people wear something that just lets others know they are Hard of Hearing.

I also have hearing loss and this makes things even more stressful than you realise as every communication is so bloody draining! Make sure you wear your hearing aids, let people know you need to face you and get frequent breaks from the noise as it’s a sensory stressor. If there are going to be speeches and things like that, reach out to the organisers and ask them to reserve you a chair near the front with a good view of the speaker. If you are confident a enough it’s worth pinning a badge to your lanyard to let people know you have hearing loss. There are some cool ones on Etsy or practical ones from hearing link. My overall experience is people are way more helpful if you tell them what you need rather than just struggling along and failing at keeping up.

If you haven’t done this already, I highly recommend lip reading classes by an accredited ALTA teacher. I’ve been going for a year or so now and my ability to understand speech has improved massively in that time.

@MajesticElephant lip reading classes! How did I have no idea these were a thing! I’ve just looked online and there’s one held 5 mins away from me!

I think the badge/lanyard is a good idea although I wouldn’t want to feel self conscious because of it. I also think I’d need to share with work first (haven’t needed to while working from home).

Clear rules, regret that in the 21st century it is necessary to say this, but beware of wandering hands or worse.

😱Noted!

I don't think it's entirely accurate to say that people love talking about themselves, as if you just lob them a question and wind them up like a toy. People might like to talk about themselves if they feel some spark with the other person, not just random people.

Some of these suggestions are also one-sided or stilted (3/4 rehearsed questions, real interactions never go like that) and put most of the effort on the other party.

Try to relax, engage with the sessions, talk about the stuff that has enthused you. I'd say the main thing to remember is that it's not uncommon to be a bit anxious at these thing; other people are too.

Some of these suggestions are like stalking & how would you even keep track afterwards.