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Conversation about weed with teenage neighbour, worried about revenge

27 replies

Danggle · 26/05/2022 12:26

I posted the other day and can’t find my thread anywhere! Basically we have been getting the smell of weed throughout the house most days when our teenage neighbour smokes outside and we have windows/back doors open.

I was advised here to approach the teen directly in the first instance, which I agreed with, although was terrified about it. I know, pathetic.

Anyway, I’ve done it. I said we can smell it and that another neighbour had asked me about it too, and I didn’t want to get their mum involved but please can you do it away from the house or in another place outside.

He said sorry and that he understood and that he would make sure it stopped. But he also said that he would ‘tell his brother.’ This has confused me as it was him I could see outside yesterday, but I know he was with someone else too. I assumed it was a friend. I am now thinking should I go round and ask to speak to the brother who was presumably upstairs? Why didn’t the brother come down too?

Also, I am worried that if the police are ever called (I would never do this, the only other thing I would do is go to their mum), then they will assume it’s me. There are some older residents on the street who are always outside and very much have time on their hands and a love a drama. I’m so scared they will call the police and then these kids will think it’s me.

Just worrying a lot as I’m pregnant and don’t want them to do anything in revenge.

OP posts:
kittensinthekitchen · 26/05/2022 12:30

Why are you confused that the other person you've seen is his brother? Why did you assume it was a friend, and what's the big deal that they are related?
Why assume his brother would come to the door too? Surely only one person needs to open a door?

BreakinbadBreakineven · 26/05/2022 12:37

If a teenager has apologised for smoking weed when confronted then he's most likely not the sort to seek revenge. I expect his brother smokes too and you just haven't seen him.

Danggle · 26/05/2022 12:38

@kittensinthekitchen I guess I’m just over worrying. I can’t stand confrontation like that with neighbours and steer clear of it.

I am not familiar with talking to a teenage boy so didn’t feel confident to judge his genuine reaction to what I said. I literally don’t know any teenagers. I know as a teen I would have stopped but I grew up in a very strict household and pretty much always towed the line/did what I was told.

I don’t know why I assumed it was a friend. I just got that impression.

I think I found it strange that he seemed to suggest it was his brother and not him. He didn’t say that explicitly but he implied it. I’ve definitely seen him outside when the smell has been there though.

OP posts:
Danggle · 26/05/2022 12:40

BreakinbadBreakineven · 26/05/2022 12:37

If a teenager has apologised for smoking weed when confronted then he's most likely not the sort to seek revenge. I expect his brother smokes too and you just haven't seen him.

@BreakinbadBreakineven that’s why I am worried, should I have said I wanted to speak to the brother too?

I feel like if the brother didn’t come down then maybe he’s trouble? And maybe it won’t stop or he will be the one to seek revenge. I have only spoken to one of them.

OP posts:
BreakinbadBreakineven · 26/05/2022 12:42

No it really reads like you just happened to catch one brother to speak to and they both smoke so the one you saw is going to pass the message on. The other brother was probably asleep/playing xbox or out. I have worked with teen boys for over a decade and nothing about this interaction would make me worried.

Gaaia · 26/05/2022 12:44

This will probably be unpopular on here but if someone wants to smoke in their own garden it’s not really any of your business. I will have a joint in my garden on a nice weekend evening, it’s my equivalent of a glass of wine, if one of my neighbours complained about what I’m doing in my own private property I’d be a bit pissed off.

grapehyacinthisactuallyblue · 26/05/2022 12:48

Why do you need to speak to his brother? The one you have spoken to said he'd tell him. But you know, you saw him, so you were sure speaking to the right person.
I think you are over thinking.

RandomQuest · 26/05/2022 12:50

Sounds like the chat went fine- teen said sorry and he’ll pass the request to smoke elsewhere onto his brother. Sorry but I really don’t follow the rest of your post at all. Why are you on about the police and the older people on your street loving a drama? You handled it well and it should hopefully be done and dusted.

daffodilandtulip · 26/05/2022 12:51

That's a good conversation from a teenage boy! Don't overthink it.

MrsRobinsonsHandprints · 26/05/2022 12:55

Gaaia · 26/05/2022 12:44

This will probably be unpopular on here but if someone wants to smoke in their own garden it’s not really any of your business. I will have a joint in my garden on a nice weekend evening, it’s my equivalent of a glass of wine, if one of my neighbours complained about what I’m doing in my own private property I’d be a bit pissed off.

When the smell fills the neighbours house it is their business. I'd be very pissed off if a neighbour thought this was acceptable and it is nothing like a glass of wine.
She wasn't asking to stop she was asking him to move.

Op you have to stop borrowing worries.

Danggle · 26/05/2022 12:57

BreakinbadBreakineven · 26/05/2022 12:42

No it really reads like you just happened to catch one brother to speak to and they both smoke so the one you saw is going to pass the message on. The other brother was probably asleep/playing xbox or out. I have worked with teen boys for over a decade and nothing about this interaction would make me worried.

@BreakinbadBreakineven ok thank you. I tried to be as nice as possible and said I had no wish to speak to the police or his mum and that I didn’t care what they wanted to do but please could they not do it in the garden where it goes straight over to next door on each side. I just wonder why the other one was upstairs and whether he is trouble.

He didn’t deny it had been smoked and he just said they would go somewhere else. There’s a field nearby and I mentioned that. Urgh I hope he doesn’t think I’m a total dick. Just so worried about the baby.

OP posts:
Danggle · 26/05/2022 13:00

grapehyacinthisactuallyblue · 26/05/2022 12:48

Why do you need to speak to his brother? The one you have spoken to said he'd tell him. But you know, you saw him, so you were sure speaking to the right person.
I think you are over thinking.

@grapehyacinthisactuallyblue because I wonder if it’s the brother accessing the weed for example, which was why he was hiding upstairs. So he may be the main driver behind it even if the other brother was smoking it (which he was as I saw him for sure). I am a worrier!

OP posts:
BreakinbadBreakineven · 26/05/2022 13:00

Haha I'm sure he won't. Not all teens that smoke weed are trouble, and most of the ones I know would have denied it or told you to fuck off. He sounds like a jnice lad. Now go and distract yourself with something nice and stop mulling it over! I also over analyse things like this so know how it feels, the more time you give it the worse it will get.

PeekAtYou · 26/05/2022 13:01

I think the other boy is his brother rather than friend. Is it possible that you sometimes see the brother but from a high point, you assumed that it's the boy that you spoke to?

Danggle · 26/05/2022 13:01

RandomQuest · 26/05/2022 12:50

Sounds like the chat went fine- teen said sorry and he’ll pass the request to smoke elsewhere onto his brother. Sorry but I really don’t follow the rest of your post at all. Why are you on about the police and the older people on your street loving a drama? You handled it well and it should hopefully be done and dusted.

@RandomQuest just if they carry on and someone else reports it (possible on this street) then now they will assume it’s me won’t they?

OP posts:
Danggle · 26/05/2022 13:02

BreakinbadBreakineven · 26/05/2022 13:00

Haha I'm sure he won't. Not all teens that smoke weed are trouble, and most of the ones I know would have denied it or told you to fuck off. He sounds like a jnice lad. Now go and distract yourself with something nice and stop mulling it over! I also over analyse things like this so know how it feels, the more time you give it the worse it will get.

@BreakinbadBreakineven thank you. I was a right goody two shoes at sixth form so would have been scared of these boys even then! Haha. I hate confrontation and wouldn’t have said anything if it wasn’t for the baby. I also explained that too but not sure a teen boy is too bothered about that!

OP posts:
boysarethebest · 26/05/2022 13:05

This is a total fuss about nothing, the boy has agreed to move and will pass the message onto his brother. Why should his brother be in trouble because he's upstairs? If this is all you have to worry about you're lucky, don't know why people get themselves in such a flap about nothing these days.

Danggle · 26/05/2022 13:07

@boysarethebest i don’t know anyone who smokes weed and also don’t know any teenagers so didn’t know how to handle it

OP posts:
RandomQuest · 26/05/2022 13:11

Danggle · 26/05/2022 13:01

@RandomQuest just if they carry on and someone else reports it (possible on this street) then now they will assume it’s me won’t they?

You’re way overthinking it. If he said sorry it and is passing the message onto the brother it sounds highly likely he’ll comply with your request to smoke elsewhere from now on. The weed aside, he sounds nice and polite, definitely not the retaliation type! And as if the police would come out because someone reckon they smelt weed 😂 You have nothing to worry about.

Danggle · 27/05/2022 07:53

So it’s stopped outside but now they’re doing it indoors and it’s even worse as the smells come straight through (old buildings originally one place)!!

I don’t know what to do now? So worried about baby’s health.

Do I go to the mum?’

OP posts:
Afrodizzyak · 27/05/2022 08:15

The smells come straight through? Have you been able to smell their cooking also? Where do the smells come through? A hole in their bedroom wall?

Goawayangryman · 27/05/2022 08:22

Your baby will be fine. No harm will come to him or her through second hand weed smoke filtered through a whole house. Honestly.

hesbeen2021 · 27/05/2022 08:29

I have a group of around 5/6 students living next door and a few times their weed smoking has impacted on us ( particularly when they smoked in a bedroom adjacent to mine when I had covid)
In the past year I've just popped around when it's got too bad indoors and let them know that the strong smell is coming through to the house and would they mind smoking outdoors. I don't question the young person who opens the door, they may or may not smoke, it's not my concern who is actually smoking just state what's happening. They will always say 'oh sorry I'll let my housemates know' and it stops ( until they forget!)
It's really no big deal, I personally don't like the smell when we are sitting in the garden but they are such lovely neighbours that we accept it's part of life in a terrace
OP you don't need to do anymore right now, just wait to see if things change, if they dont, just pop round again

PriestessofPing · 27/05/2022 08:38

They’ve heard what you said and gone inside and you really can’t ask more than that i’m afraid.

Smell coming through the walls is not going to damage your baby in any way. I suggest if you are really worried you could invest in an air purifier that can get rid of smells quite easily, or you can buy charcoal bags that you hang around the house which also takes away bad smells.

cherrymax · 27/05/2022 08:40

Danggle · 27/05/2022 07:53

So it’s stopped outside but now they’re doing it indoors and it’s even worse as the smells come straight through (old buildings originally one place)!!

I don’t know what to do now? So worried about baby’s health.

Do I go to the mum?’

Mum will already know they're smoking weed, inside or out as it's really hard to mask it. Obviously none of us should have bothered buying so many joss sticks and patchouli in the 90s. 😄

I'm not bothered about weed but it does stink and I don't think it's wrong to not want it coming into your house. Just like I hate my neighbours using their wood burner.

I probably would have gone to mum in the first place though. Presumably it's her house so she would be the one receiving complaints especially if it's rented.

You're worrying about nothing re a reaction from the boys as there's nothing to suggest they'll get nasty.

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