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Original poster

Family situation

33 replies

emilysquest · 25/05/2022 12:19

My two sisters and I may be about to make a big decision and I wondered about people's thoughts. I have changed a few specific details but the basics are correct. I will start by saying that I am not looking for judgement about my parents' lives and/or behaviour.

Just to state the basic facts (sorry if its a bit complex, I have tried to simplify):

I am the oldest of three sisters.

Our parents are in their 80s and have no pensions, no savings, very little to no income, no property.

They are living in a rented house to which they had to move late last year when their previous landlord's family sold the previous rented house which they had lived in for 50 years. Moving was of course very stressful for them.

I have long supported our parents financially. Partially for the last 35 years, and almost completely since the start of the pandemic (dad has a business which was closed during the pandemic and is now doing little business). I can afford to continue to do so at the current level, which covers their rent, utilities, living expenses, insurances etc.

Our parents have just been told that the current landlord is wanting to sell the house they are in and so they will have to move again before the end of the year. They are very stressed. They like the house, which meets their specific needs excellently, and they really really don't want to move again.

Mum has put it to the youngest sister that she (my sister) might buy the house they are living in, so they don't have to move. Sisters have all discussed options.

Our financial situations:

I have high income but no capital (have just bought a house for cash myself a year ago and so no lump sum lying around). I have other family financial commitments and cannot afford to pay out more per month than I am currently paying to support the parents.

Youngest sister has enough capital saved up for a deposit for the house, and also could potentially take out a loan.

Middle sister could definitely get a loan secured on her current property which she owns.

We have thought about my two sisters going into a partnership to buy the house, and then they rent it to the parents while I continue to pay the rent (as I already do now and had expected to do indefinitely anyway). I would pay the same rent, so no change to my outlay, but just to my sisters rather than some faceless landlord. Sisters get a house which they can rent again or sell when parents no longer need it.

The three sisters all have good relationships with each other, although all live very far apart from each other so meet up very rarely.

What do people think.

OP posts:

newbiename · 25/05/2022 12:23

Can your parents get housing benefit? Seems unfair you have to pay the rent.
Could the three of you get a buy to let mortgage?
Would it mean if you shared a mortgage with your sisters you could pay a third of a mortgage bill, would that be less than you're paying now for the rent?

newbiename · 25/05/2022 12:24

Sorry , don't know if you're in the UK , don't you're parents get any benefits? Do your sisters help now ?

Original poster

emilysquest · 25/05/2022 12:26

I would just add that none of the people in this story lives in the UK. And the parents and the three sisters all live in different countries.

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General money

sorryiasked · 25/05/2022 12:26

Would the rent cover the mortgage repayments?
Are you happy that your sisters will end up with a property when your parents die, while you will have nothing to show for all the monies you have paid out?

Original poster

emilysquest · 25/05/2022 12:29

No benefits in parents' country, no. And please just take it as read that I do not consider it unfair that I support my parents, that has been the case for decades, will continue to be the case, and is not the part I am looking for advice about.

OP posts:

Original poster

emilysquest · 25/05/2022 12:31

@sorryiasked the plan would be for the rent to support the loan payments, yes (we have not got into the specific financial details yet). I would end up no worse off than I would have been as I would have been paying the rent in any case, I just benefit my sisters in the end rather than a landlord.

OP posts:

Original poster

emilysquest · 25/05/2022 12:34

I will end up with nothing when the parents die anyway.

I have not been resentful over the past 35 years that I support my parents and my sisters largely don't (it is largely to do with a big differential in income levels), so I am not likely to start to feel like that now. Neither is my husband, who actually mooted this plan before my sister even phoned.

OP posts:

theemmadilemma · 25/05/2022 12:37

I think being that you would be paying the 'rent' that there should still be a % of interest accured due to that.

balzamico · 25/05/2022 12:37

It seems to me that ultimately your sisters will gain as you are paying them rent on a property which will probably appreciate in value while you will be paying rent and thus have no gain.
It would make more sense if you can, for the three of you to buy the house equally, that way it could be equally split later - if you can pay market rent than surely a 1/3 of the mortgage will be doable?

However, the biggie is that three of you communicate well and understand what you're letting yourselves in for - if you're happy with the arrangement then go ahead, you sound very caring and lovely

HikingforScenery · 25/05/2022 12:40

Hmm, if doesn’t seem fair on you that your sisters will get their deposit back, plus the increase in the house while you only lose money?

i understand you’re happy to pay for your parents but given your sisters will gain so much money, I think they should pay part of the mortgage.
or bills

BackToTheTop · 25/05/2022 12:42

I'm torn on this one. You were going to pay the rent anyway so you're not losing out, however your sisters are now benefitting from your payments which seems unfair on you.

nearlyspringyay · 25/05/2022 12:44

I think logistically it sounds incredibly messy and difficult if you are all in different countries? How on earth would you source the mortgage, and there would be presumably different tax implications for all territories.

Original poster

emilysquest · 25/05/2022 12:47

I don't think there is going to be any getting of a mortgage as we don't live in the parents' country. But the likely price of the house there (much less than in the countries we live in) is such that other types of loan in the countries my sisters live in should do it. For me however getting a large loan will be difficult as I have only lived a very short time in the country I now live in.

Also, I have no interest in acquiring a property in that country, whereas my sisters do (they both have nationality of the country, still visit there and may return to live there, I do not have the nationality, will never return and don't have much faith in investing there).

OP posts:

Original poster

emilysquest · 25/05/2022 12:49

@BackToTheTop if it is unfair on me, it was already unfair anyway, as I have supported the parents for 35 years, and my sisters haven't. For many reasons, I have never considered it unfair.

OP posts:

lunar1 · 25/05/2022 12:50

I think you should have a share, so you will also benefit when it's sold.

BackToTheTop · 25/05/2022 12:50

emilysquest · 25/05/2022 12:49

@BackToTheTop if it is unfair on me, it was already unfair anyway, as I have supported the parents for 35 years, and my sisters haven't. For many reasons, I have never considered it unfair.

Maybe you could have a share of the house when they die?

SunshineAndFizz · 25/05/2022 12:52

Go for it, but I agree you should be getting something out of it. For example a % of the house value, or get your rental payments back once they come to sell or when your parents are no longer living there .

Have it all documented somewhere, even if it's just over email, so you all agree what you've signed up to.

LittleOwl153 · 25/05/2022 13:04

Two things strike me:

It would be a complicated legal set up spanning 4 countries to ensure that it was done properly and deals with all eventualities e.g. what happens if you die before one of your parents or are no longer able to pay rent? What happens if something financial happens to the sister on the deeds - does that make your parents homeless again? Who pays for the upkeep of the property? What happens when the loan is paid back - would you still be expected to pay rent? What happens to that?

It seems wrong that your sisters are benefiting from this and you are just continuing to pay the bill - but from what you say there is enough disparity in income that this doesn't matter to you so provided you have considered the what happens if scenarios then that isn't a barrier.

Would your parents part owning the property be of assistance?

Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 25/05/2022 13:08

I would go for it, but maybe have it written into the contract that you are entitled to a percentage when they sell the house as you’ll have been paying into it for years. Either that or have all 3 of you on the deeds.

Original poster

emilysquest · 25/05/2022 13:20

Couple of points:

Maybe me having a share later, yes possibly, we would have to discuss that. Not sure how we would apportion it. I am sure we could come to an agreement.

I would imagine I would say I will pay less rent once the loans are paid off, yes, but if the sisters own the house there are still other costs for the owners, rates, insurance etc, so I will still need to chip in.

If I die before them, my estate will continue to support my parents anyway (very large life insurance and all stipulated in will).

Upkeep would be for the owners, i.e. my sisters, I suppose. But the rent I pay would presumably cover that (as the current rent does for the current owner).

There is no way in a million years my parents are going anywhere near the financial arrangements or having a share of anything. They have zero financial responsibility (which is how we are in this situation in the first place).

OP posts:

Basilbrushgotfat · 25/05/2022 13:22

I think you should consult with a solicitor about this

Original poster

emilysquest · 25/05/2022 13:26

I am really grateful for the interesting points that people have made. I have a three-way call with my sisters on Thursday night and we clearly need to discuss some of these. Behind all the practicalities, however, I am being haunted by the sound of my sweet and hopeless elderly mother being so upset on the phone yesterday when she told me they have to move again and she does not think she can stand it. That is what is set against wherever financial losses I may have in the end.

OP posts:

Original poster

emilysquest · 25/05/2022 13:26

OP posts:

Original poster

emilysquest · 25/05/2022 13:26

Oh sorry, computer and/or MN had a glitch!

OP posts:

BritInUS1 · 25/05/2022 13:30

Depending on where your sisters live and where the house is, they need to also consider tax on the rent payments and also capital gains tax when they sell the property

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