Struggling with a young baby

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I'm a FTM to a 7.5 month and up until lately I have throughly enjoyed parenthood and I never suffered with post partum depression or anything, it was genuinely the happiest I have ever been. Lately though, maybe the last few weeks I just feel fed up and honestly very bored with it. DP works away Monday to Friday and by Friday although he wishes he could be home every night unfortunately it is the nature of his job, I am literally waiting by the door for him to take over and he does majority of the parenting over the weekend but I still feel like this. Spending day and night just me as the solo parent is taking its toll I think. Baby sleeps amazingly at night, between 11-12 hours so I get a full night every night but it's the day times I'm struggling with.

I do have a group of mum friends who I see once or twice a week but I find the other days just very boring and hard to fill. Same baby toys and baby songs same things day in day out. He has always been a bad napper and will only nap on me and that's after a fight. This is a main things that's driving me nuts at the moment. We've tried to get him to nap alone in his cot and he will not. I feel like I'm losing patience with him every nap time. I'm writing this after he's just screamed at me for 10 minutes while I try get him to nap on me because he's so clearly tired. I usually have to leave my meet ups with my mum friends early because he ends up screaming because he's tried but won't sleep until I pull away in the car. He will drift off in his pram sometimes (outside only) but as soon as I wheel the pram indoors he wakes up. I don't know why I'm writing this, I'm probably going to regret it and feel very guilty about it later but I just feel like I needed a little rant. I love him SO bloody much I seriously do he is amazing and changed our lives for the better, I feel so lucky that he is ours yet on the other hand I still can't seem to get out of this slump I'm in at the moment.

I'm also feeling down about the fact that he really deserves better than this. His face lights up when DP comes home and he always seems so much happier.

Awww that sounds so hard OP. I had something similar over Winter, except mine naps in the day so I get a bit of down time from the repetition. I had to make an effort to go out and do something every day to break the monotony.

It’s great that you get a good night’s sleep though! Bit jealous of that 😁

So you’re completely on your own with it Monday- Friday?

well blimey no wonder you find it tough and relentless! Why are you beating yourself up about that? However much you love him, you’re doing five days and nights a week sole care, have I got that right? You’ve hit the nail on the head- it’s taking it’s toll.

I don’t mean on your own with ‘it’ being the baby by the way! It’s everything. The chores, the laundry, looking after your son, looking after yourself etc

No!! You’re probably feeling like this where you’re down at the moment. Sounds like you do a great job!

It’s just novelty when your DH is around that makes it seem like your baby is happier! Mine pants like a bloody golden retriever when he hears DH’s key in the door 🙄🤣

It is boring for large parts. I went back to work pt at four and five months respectively and felt 100% better.
They're 17 and 19 now, all bonded well enough and I don't feel guilty. Rather the opposite.

Any gyms near you with a crèche? I used to put my DD in one and go do a class or swim or use the gym. Might make your days less boring?

Doing all the parenting Mon-Fri must be hard. I would have killed for a baby that slept 11-12 hours, are you using the couple of hours at night to do something fun/relaxing? (Hobby you can do at home like crafts, guilty pleasure Netflix shows, fun books) Don't spend it doing too much housework etc.

Being a new parent can be lonely even with a DP who is home every night; it must be harder for you. Do you have any pre-baby friends who could come round now and then for a cuppa/ quick drink? I found it really important to keep up with the friends I had before to keep in touch with me iyswim.

Do you have a garden/ yard? My DS used to wake up if brought inside too so I would leave him outside and sit in doorway with a coat on. They sleep really well warmly covered in the fresh air. I had an only on me/ in the pram napper too. Sounds crazy but I miss the baby cuddles now though at the time it drove me mad.

Does baby go down to sleep for his Dad? If so maybe you should take a weekend completely away at some point, I know you would miss them both but you sound like you need a breather.

Above all - remember this feels like it's going so slowly but every phase does pass, often 8 months is nothing like 7, 9 is nothing like 8 etc.
and don't give yourself a hard time. You don't have to love every minute. You're doing something really hard and it sounds like you're doing a great job. Sometimes it is boring and annoying, even if you're not doing 5 days out of 7 alone, so don't feel bad for feeling that way.

Yes that's right, we go round to my mum and dads on a Monday for a few hours which does help a bit as they entertain him a lot but apart from that it's just me and baby until DP gets home on a Friday tea time.

My husband also worked away a lot. It was SO hard, boring, relentless, lonely. you don't have to justify your love for your child, it's perfectly ok to hate what is happening right now!

I can only say it gets better as they get older, oh and the introduction of nursery!

Are you going to take all your maternity leave OP?

Have you thought about going back to work?

Parenting is mind numbingly boring for long stretches of time.

Honestly OP I've had two and about to have my third and I recognise this. At 7.5 months I started looking at childcare options and got them into nursery from 12 months. I will do the same this time around. Your wants, needs and mental stimulation matter.

OP can you afford to hire someone for a few hours once or twice a week? And could you possibly leave the baby with your parents instead of staying for the whole time? If I were you I would try to do these things and also get a few classes regularly scheduled for socialization for both of you. Some gyms have free childcare if you're a member, you might want to check if there's something like that in your area if you could afford the membership!

This could be a total red herring, but are you breastfeeding?

I'm asking because you say you've only been feeling like this the last few weeks, and your baby is 7.5 months, so I assume you've been weaning about 6 weeks. I had massive hormonal swings which co-incided with DD weaning, and some of the feelings I had then were quite similar to what you're describing.

Not sure I have any concrete advice if that is what it is, except that "this too will pass", but I always found it helpful to know when I was feeling something because of hormones.

Good lord op thst sounds lonely and exhausting. Of course you love your baby but being alone with a baby all week is bloody tiring and dull. You need adult company joy and stimulation.

I love the idea of going to a gym with a crèche, I haven't heard or those before so not sure there's any in my local area but will check that out. It does help a bit if I bring him in in his pram and open the back doors and put him there but we have neighbors with 3 very yappy dogs so that wakes him if the doors are open. Baby is bottle fed. I feel like I'm getting short with him when he keeps on fighting his naps and sleep and then when he is actually asleep I look at him and feel so guilty and worry he is going to pick up on this.

I'll be going back to work in 3 months. I do try and make a bit time for myself in the evening while he is asleep by maybe doing my nails or watching some tv but not every night. I'd love to get back into reading but I feel like my mind is always too busy and I haven't got the concentration for it at the moment!

Sending a hug. My little one is 9 months but my partner worked nights (as well as all day) for 3 months there. It wasn’t until that started that I realised just how much I looked forward to 4.30/5pm usually to hand him over and be able to just walk away even for 5 minutes. On my worst day I hadn’t washed my hair in days so decided I was going for it. He wasn’t home yet and I’d put him down for a nap. He was struggling to settle but I was so determined I was going to be able to wash my hair. While in the shower all I could hear was him screaming and not sleeping. Usually I’d run to him to sort him out but this day I was clearly having a bad day because I just continued on with my shower and my partner ended up coming home and saying he was crying?! I was like yip, I heard him, I just physically couldn’t do anything about it for the 400th time today! I think the main things that have stopped me getting down during mat leave are: 1) hating my job more than anything on earth so anything is an improvement on being there 🤣 2) being so busy I actually don’t have a second to even realise what’s happening 3) I started up a business (in an attempt to escape my job) so I’m so busy doing that that the days just disappear 4) we moved house (I know, major upheaval and I wouldn’t recommend that one 🤣) 5) now we’re getting married so I’m so focused on trying to quickly squeeze any wedding planning into my day I don’t realise 6) going on holiday soon

do you have something to look forward to in the short term you could be shopping for? I’ve even found making recipes for the first time in my life to be quite fun 😊 Is there another toddlers group or baby class you could go to for another thing to do? Being busy is definitely key! Hope things are back to how they were soon