It does get easier, doesn't it?

[OnTheGoAlways]

There has been so excellent threads on chat the last few days which I have enjoyed reading, so sorry to bring the tone down!

I am 34 with a postgraduate degree, a dog and 2 sons (7&11) which i parent alone and i work FT. I did my degrees after having children. Youngest DS has some behavioural concerns i work very hard through and he has tourettes. They argue daily. My confidence and self esteem has plummeted in the last 4 years due to weight gain, and my levels of those were never high to begin with.

I am sad and anxious everyday, i am constantly exhausted and worried. No matter how much I move around and never touch takeaways or fizzy drinks, the weight keeps building (all bloods are fine). I am 'overqualified' for my job, but can't muster up the strength to apply for next level because of my circumstances. I earned more as a student than I do working FT, and as a student I didn't have to worry about summer holiday child care or Council tax.

Does it get easier to manage as they grow up? I know this sounds quite obvious, but I thought years ago things would be easier by now and they don't seem to be. How do I take care of myself so I don't feel so awful everyday? In the last few months my face has started flushing red everyday, I assume because of anxiety. My heart is constantly racing. The GP says its stress.

what did the GP suggest to help you ?

She refered me to the MH nurse at the surgery, I've been a few times to see him but it doesn't really help...I just need to find "ways to relax and stop being so hard on yourself " ... I suppose the GP can't change my circumstances!

I was in a similar position and went part time with the help of tax credits. I was so stressed with my job I felt I was going to collapse. What helped was a good long look at how I would cope financially with less hours/different job and then I jumped. It was the best thing I did - the stress, although still there (single parent and all that) - reduced by 75% and things did become better all round. It took me a while to get it all straight in my head, so take your time and think it through.

You have a lot of responsibility and little time. That's a really tough set of circumstances. I think you need to be patting yourself on the back for what you do. Every day.

I would say there's some classic menopause symptoms in there but you would be young to be there yet but maybe worth checking again with GP. It's not very helpful of them to just say it's stress. Did they give any advice or suggest any medication? You should not have to suffer.

So I know you are busy. For me, walking and yoga help. Yoga I do on an app so there's no more time needed than rolling out a mat. Could you find 20 mins a day for this? I would say get the children involved with it but I have a 9 and 12 yr old so I know that's not always going to work. They basically play along then sabotage it just when you think they are on board....

Be kind to yourself. You have so much on your plate. I think you need to focus on the stress and anxiety rather than the weight but I understand they are interlinked.

Exhaustion and weight issues would make me wonder if your thyroid really is fine or if it is struggling. NHS are crap at thyroid problems. Can you ask for a copy of your blood test results - or if they were ages ago, get up to date blood work?

Oh and god yes, it gets easier. The difference in a 7 yr old and a 9 yr old is huge I think.

It does get easier, honest!

Don’t be hard on yourself. It all sounds so hard. 💐

i always feel a bit better when I try to eat healthier/exercise a bit/attempt to manage my weight. If that’s something you’d like to do gently and sensibly o like the Fitness Chef Facebook group for support and ideas, and it’s nice.

I think the Groundhog Day grind of life with primary aged children is exhausting, particularly if there are additional needs involved. I am in a similar position to you, though not exactly the same.

I have recently managed to significantly reduce my working hours and I am feeling some benefit from it. However, it hasn't been the "big shift" I was hoping for because the absolute grind of 3pm - 9pm batters my mental health every day. I feel positive and like I am making some progress during the day, then BAM! 3pm rolls around and the drain on my mental health as I try to balance the emotions of the children and get them entertained, fed and in to bed starts again. I think I am slowly improving because I have much larger chunks of time alone without work, but it is a slow recovery from 10+ years of overstimulation.

Can you reduce your working hours in any way? Or arrange some additional after school care for the kids so you get regular time alone to let your brain calm down?

Thank you for such kind responses.

I had bloods taken just over a month ago, apparently all within normal range, hormone was out but apparently there was a note attached to say that's normal given where I was on my cycle. I don't take any contraception (sad and alone!), but my periods in the last 6 months have become heavy and painful.

I do feel like I'm about to collapse at times too, I feel dizzy sometimes. I have applied for a PT role but its only 28 hours and given the State of affairs rn I'm reluctant to go PT, I already have a universal credit top up, and I think coming off that and earning enough so that I can be completely independent would be helpful but I can't do the hours, the bloody hours. By the time I get to work now I'm exhausted...then I have to put on a smile and pretend to be happier than Bob from accounting has asked me to print forms off for him as he can't work out how to do it !

Yes ! @HappyAsASandboy overstimulation ! And groundhog!

So glad to hear it gets easier, it's so tiring, constant policing and cleaning and entertaining and cleaning and feeding and cleaning.

Something I used to do when I came in from work, last century, single parent to three, or came in from a day out, was that they each had to go to a separate room and not talk to me or each other for half an hour.
Sounds a bit extreme but it's a game changer. It gave me a space to get in, put the kettle on, get dinner started, laundry in/out, and just regroup before the onslaught of homework/dinner/showers/bed. It helped them also break the cycle of squabbling mindlessly the second they got in.

I just want a month on a desert island with a swimsuit and a book. Totally reset the brain and then I'll be able to come back and carry on. Not going to happen though, and imagine the state of the kitchen when I returned .....

I have made some progress by accepting that recovery from 10+ years of drip-drip trauma through overstimulation will take time to recover from. Small progress every day (well most days ...) will get me through