I’m so rubbish at small talk, please help me

[Nosetickle]

I am a real mixture between introvert and extrovert, I’m friendly and interested in getting to know new people but I am also shy and find it very nerve wracking talking to new people! I always come away thinking I’ve said really stupid things and that the person thinks I’m weird. I get a bit paralysed and there are awkward silences which I then fill by saying idiotic things. People who are good at small talk, what’s your secret please?

I can talk for hours with people I know, but meeting new people is a nightmare for me, I just don’t know what to talk about, so I’m afraid I have no advice but I’ll be following this thread.

OP, most people don’t want you to talk, they want you to listen - while they bang on about themselves! Just start with an ice breaker, a boring pleasantry about the weather, whatever, then ask them an open ended question about themselves. If you’re at an event, ask them what they think of it, ask their opinion on current events, or mutual acquaintances, it really doesn’t matter what, your aim is simply to make a connection and get them speaking. Thereafter you just bask in being a “good listener”. Job done!

You'll be fine as everyone likes talking about their own lives / interests etc. weather is a good ice breaker ,
Then ' what brings you here , or 'what do you do? ' etc or ' who have you come here with ? and lead on from there really. Depends on the people , there are some I wouldn't try this with , but mostly people do like to chat about themselves.
It's amazing what you can find out or deduce about a person without really asking anything too probing I've found.
Listening is far more productive than talking too. If your a good listener you can find out a lot.

Thanks for the advice, this certainly works for some people who are very talkative but most people seem to need some comment or questions in response to what they’re saying to keep the conversation going and this is where I fall down. I feel like I just don’t know what to say and then out of awkwardness I say something totally inappropriate and I kill the conversation and feel like I’ve made a fool of myself.

It does depend on the person and the setting
I've met those I've bonded with straight off and it's been fun , things in common, nice chat and nothing too awkward
Once or twice I've come a cropper and they have been hard going, disinterested or found my slightly boring questions a bit dull maybe?
I know if someone is similar minded to me I think, but that's with age you learn who will be ok or those that are harder to talk to or are just not into chat or meeting new people. It's not always easy.

I ask a question, add an encouraging comment related to what they say, then ask another question.

Eg
Me:
Have you got any plans for the weekend?

Them:
I'm going out for dinner and then to see doctor strange at cinema

Me:
Oh sounds lovely, I love marvel films. Have you decided where to go for dinner?

Basically I fine this usually works well. And of course have some safe topics like the weather, jubilee weekend, summer plans etc

My dad had a mantra, never talk about politics or religion ( to those you don't know , anyway!)
Not at first!

OP, I find this difficult too. Especially if you get stuck with someone you don't really know and/or don't have much in common, yet having to keep it going (e.g whilst waiting for a third person to arrive or having to share a lunch break, etc). My usual "escape" is to rope in other people into the conversation and then casually drop out myself, or find an excuse to leave/go to the toilet/grab a drink/ anything really.

The thing is I get the feeling I am that person that people start talking to, realise they don’t get on with and try and escape from! I’m a people pleaser and want people to like me, even if I don’t feel like I have much in common with them, I just want to be one of those people who can talk to anyone but I’m just an awkward mess. I never seem to meet anyone I really click with anymore and I’m starting to think I’m the common denominator.

I definitely am sure to avoid politics and religion 😆

I just ask people loads of questions and usually end up finding out a lot about them, my husband is always shocked by how much I find out in such a short space of time 😂
Where did you grow up, etc.
Where do you live? How long?
If they are from an interesting country or culture I ask them all about the food etc.
What they do for work etc.
Usually they ask the same back and the conversation is in flow. Unless they are really really hard work..

Ask about themselves - E.g. are you going on holiday, if so where, have you been there before?.. and so on.

Doesn’t alway work, mind you! I still remember a ghastly do shortly before Christmas, knew nobody but the hosts, trying to make conv. with some couple.
Me - Are you going away for Christmas?
No.
me - Have you finished your Christmas shopping?
Yes.
Etc. Just monosyllables - no throwing the ball back. Bloody nightmare!!!