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Original poster

I know I'm being stupid but...

24 replies

Easydaddy · 22/05/2022 08:55

Kids go to their dads every other weekend. We are still quite close . He does pay for them. And buys them extra things ect takes them out quite alot does all the fun stuff. So he's definitely a good dad in that respect.

But he lives with his parents and his mum does everything. All the washing. Cooking cleaning etc. All he has to do is have fun with the kids. If he's ill he can say to me can we change the day. I can't do that if I'm ill I still have to look after them.

But as their mum I have to all the general parenting stuff. Clean their clothes. Do the cooking/cleaning. Make sure they are ready for school everyday. Tell them off if they are naughty. Look after them when they are ill/sick . If I'm ill I don't get to not do it. I don't get not to have to deal with it when the kids are ill.

Hes not a bad person he is good with them. I'm basically jealous that he gets to do all the fun bits with no crap bits.

OP posts:

LadyCampanulaTottington · 22/05/2022 08:57

Yes but you have the knowledge that you’re not a pathetic man child having Mummy do everything for you.

It’s so unattractive.

Original poster

Easydaddy · 22/05/2022 10:12

LadyCampanulaTottington · 22/05/2022 08:57

Yes but you have the knowledge that you’re not a pathetic man child having Mummy do everything for you.

It’s so unattractive.

Yeah I know. Just having a moan would be nice just to have the fun bits. But I know that's not reality.

OP posts:

TheFairyNamedMary · 22/05/2022 11:24

if things wer the other way round you’d have only the fun and he’d have the responsibility.

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Families

Original poster

Easydaddy · 22/05/2022 11:30

TheFairyNamedMary · 22/05/2022 11:24

if things wer the other way round you’d have only the fun and he’d have the responsibility.

Well yeah. Don't mean I can't be a bit jealous though..

OP posts:

Andromachehadabadday · 22/05/2022 11:33

Why can’t he have the kids when you are sick?

CandyApplePie · 22/05/2022 11:36

I wouldn’t waste my time getting upset about this tbh, at least he has them plenty of dads don’t bother, it’s like being upset that some people have involved parents who have their kids every week, some people have support some don’t. That’s life.

pinkyredrose · 22/05/2022 11:37

More fool his mum then. I couldn't respect a man who used his mother like that. Was he domestically useless when you were together?

sleepymum50 · 22/05/2022 11:46

Don’t forget that in the future your kids will know that you were the one who did all the grunt work.

Usually these children grow up to have a much closer relationship with their mothers than their fathers.

The hard work now will pay off in the future.

But is understandable to be a little jealous. My favourite saying at the moment is “Men. they’re not sending their best!”

BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation · 22/05/2022 11:54

I used to feel like this, but me and ds1 have a fantastic relationship because I've been there for him through thick and thin and he knows and appreciates everything I did for him when he was growing up. I'm the one he turns to when he needs any advice and he knows I'm always there for him.

His loser father? He tells me he was miserable when he was with him because he's a bully and they have nothing in common. He hasn't seen him for four years and their last meeting ended in a big argument. Says it all really.

Yes it's tough and unfair, but your kids know you're the one who really cares for them by putting the graft in.

Original poster

Easydaddy · 22/05/2022 12:05

pinkyredrose · 22/05/2022 11:37

More fool his mum then. I couldn't respect a man who used his mother like that. Was he domestically useless when you were together?

Yes. It was only when we split and he started having the kids. That I actually managed to get a sort of break because everything was down to me. He did nothing at all . So although I'm having a bit of a moan it is better for me now than it was.

But I think he's been bought up like its the womans job. As his whole family seem to be like it. Its seems that he's at work all day. I don't work so it's down to me to look after the house , him and the kids .

Him and his family did not seem to understand that my day would start at 6am finish at 10pm plus up in the night. Obviously that's changed as they are not baby's/toddlers anymore. But his day started at 5.30am finished 4pm because he would just be waited on.

Once I was at his mums with him and I was getting the kids ready he was just sitting there . I said could you help get ds shoes on. His mum said hes got a 2hr drive.

There was another time their dad had a bug. But I still had 2 small children. They had bring clinging onto me all day and I felt shattered and I just said can you have them for 10 mins. I was greeted how on well he is bla bla .

That was a long time ago . But there still bits I hear. That remind me that I made the rufht decision.

I'm still fond of him. There's no hate or anything and still do family stuff together . In the summer Xmas /birthdays together. Or just when we feel like it. There's definitely no hate there and I would say we are good friends .

But we could never be in a relationship again as I would become his mum.

OP posts:

FictionalCharacter · 22/05/2022 12:10

Why do you think you're being stupid?

BHX3000 · 22/05/2022 12:13

I said could you help get ds shoes on. His mum said hes got a 2hr drive.

That's pathetic.

But we could never be in a relationship again as I would become his mum.

I would feel exactly the same.

Are any of your children boys? Please make sure to raise them knowing that is NOT how a father should behave. How any man should behave.

OutDamnedSpot · 22/05/2022 12:16

Ah. The classic Disney dad. How unattractive. Don’t worry OP. You’re raising kids who will respect women and will grow up knowing how hard you worked for them.

Finalcountdowntoourtripaway · 22/05/2022 12:24

Luckily you will be the primary role model for your dc... They know you put the graft into their lives. They most def won't have that kind of respect for their df... As adults you will reap your well earned reward in the great relationships you will still have with them. I still spend lots of time with ds27. His df hasn't seen him for over 10 years. Exh's dm was similar to your mil. He worked but never lifted a finger at home or for the dc. Raised that way. His df was the same. As was his df.
Congratulations to us if we have broken the chain op.

Original poster

Easydaddy · 22/05/2022 12:27

BHX3000 · 22/05/2022 12:13

I said could you help get ds shoes on. His mum said hes got a 2hr drive.

That's pathetic.

But we could never be in a relationship again as I would become his mum.

I would feel exactly the same.

Are any of your children boys? Please make sure to raise them knowing that is NOT how a father should behave. How any man should behave.

They are boys. I have older boys as well.

His 2 boys. They do things like scrap their plates put them in the dishwasher. Get their washing together. Take their clean washing upstairs. They will make a sandwich or a bowl of cereal. The sandwich is falling apart with holes all over it but never mind 😅

My older children cook for themselves. Do their own washing. Help Me out a bit . In general. I do their washing etc as well though. If it's a nice hot day I will do their wash do I can get it dry outside. So we pitch in and help each other. I still have to give them a nudge now and then. Get the occasional huff and puff. But they are OK really.

OP posts:

Original poster

Easydaddy · 22/05/2022 12:29

OutDamnedSpot · 22/05/2022 12:16

Ah. The classic Disney dad. How unattractive. Don’t worry OP. You’re raising kids who will respect women and will grow up knowing how hard you worked for them.

Oh wow yes what a good way to put it.. would have saved me writing my op 😅

OP posts:

BHX3000 · 22/05/2022 12:29

You're doing a great job OP. Do allow yourself to feel down about it all, but then remember your children will hopefully become great adults and that's thanks to your influence and example.

newbiename · 22/05/2022 12:31

Andromachehadabadday · 22/05/2022 11:33

Why can’t he have the kids when you are sick?

This ?

lollipoprainbow · 22/05/2022 12:31

This wouldn't bother me at all I'd just be glad for a weekend off and a dad that does all that with his kids.

Beetlewings · 22/05/2022 12:37

I work every weekend and ex has the kids every weekend.
He's a 'fun weekend dad' but the kids come back frazzled and ready for a good calm lovely week of routine and boundaries with me.
I know I get the best side of them and they know they have me to count on to be consistent and non-chaotic. I like it this way

Original poster

Easydaddy · 22/05/2022 12:48

newbiename · 22/05/2022 12:31

This ?

Show quote history

Logically it does not work. He does not live locally. He cant take time of work just because I'm ill . To be honest I have never been ill enough not to look after the kids. And it just does not enter my head not to look after them because I'm ill

OP posts:

HollowTalk · 22/05/2022 13:17

Why not say to him that he should get the children's uniforms washed and you will take care of the other clothes? On Friday evening send him a big basket full of washing to do, or, preferably, get him to pick it up and deliver it back on Sunday night.

FinallyHere · 22/05/2022 13:25

Here is the thing, it's really important to find out about this sort of stuff before you get together with a serious partner especially when you plan to have children together.

Really, really important

Original poster

Easydaddy · 22/05/2022 13:29

HollowTalk · 22/05/2022 13:17

His poor mum would end up doing it

OP posts:

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