Is there a benefit of an ADHD diagnosis if symptoms are minimal?

[fucketyfuckwit]

I've wondered for years if my daughter (11) has ADHD or similar.
She struggles to focus on things
She is not great with social cues
She fidgets
She's impulsive
Few other things

She is above average with regards to school work, but we do push her a bit. She often can't be bothered to do things like reading or homework and we fall out as I get so frustrated. She has no interest in any extra curricular activity despite being given every single opportunity.

All of the above are mild and don't greatly impact her life at the moment.

None of her teachers have ever expressed a concern. It's a small school.

Do I just leave it or do I push for a diagnosis? I'm worried that it will stigmatise her.

Diagnosis is not a stigma it is a tool to help you understand your own mind and put in place strategies to help.

She won’t get a diagnosis if she doesn’t meet the criteria, if she does meet the criteria she probably needs the support it would bring her, so you’ve got nothing to lose.

Also consider that she might be masking symptoms and making a lot of effort (exhausting) to fit in when it doesn’t come naturally to her. Take a look at the Neurodiverse Mumsnetters board to see how many people have regrets about how their life turned out which may have been different had they been diagnosed younger and had more support/understanding.

Diagnosed as autistic at 24 and was delighted about it- I am so much happier in myself and have made life choices that suit me and the way my brain works. Far more useful label than the previous ones I had, which included “scatty”, “nutty professor” and “ditzy” from various adults in my life.

Not sure. DS was similar, tho did do loads of extra curricular stuff. He got superb GCSEs and A levels. At university he persued a diagnosis for his own interest and got one, but really it was very obvious before the diagnosis. He wouldn't have taken medication as a child and doesn't take it now. Which is just as well as his job wouldn't allow it anyway. In a way his ADHD is his extremely irritating super power.

I have ADHD which was diagnosed in my early teens. Girls are fairly good at masking their symptoms so it could impact her more than anyone actually realises. I would push for diagnosis if you genuinely believe it is something she has. When she is doing her GCSE's they can offer her extra support. Also I've found my ADHD more difficult to deal with as I've gotten older and gained more responsibilities. It's nice to be able to actually explain to people that some of my issues are due to ADHD and I'm not just a useless, forgetful, disorganised arse. I personally haven't experienced any stigma due to my diagnosis and if I have I'm blissfully unaware.

As someone with ADHD, yes get the diagnosis. As a PP has said difficulties get harder the older you get and the more responsibilities you have. It gets much much harder again during peri. I have massively underachieved in life due to being held back by ADHD. And it's also led to me developing chronic illness as I used to use stress to function (ie as a stimulant and it's stressful to constantly be trying to mask symptoms) and had to work excessive hours to compensate for my ADHD. The last 6 years of my life have been a complete write-off due to chronic illness (and the chronic illness makes it even harder to manage the ADHD on top). As a result of this I work a low paying part-time job now nearly 50. I am bored but unable to progress. I feel very easily overwhelmed even with just this to manage. Unfortunately I am also unable to try meds yet due to needing to get my chronic illness under control first.

At school you probably would have said my symptoms were "mild".

A diagnosis is about getting the right support. Nothing to do with labelling or stigmatising (although I appreciate that ADHD is still very misunderstood). A diagnosis opens up support strategies (eg extra time in exams, our room, prompters, help managing homework etc etc) and accommodations (eg protection under equalities act) both at school and at work. So it's not just access to medication (although bear in mind that ADHD medication is the most effective medication for "mental health" conditions that exists).

Untreated ADHD also has very poor health/life outcomes: physical and mental. Not only things like a higher accident rate but general poor health and lower life expectancy from things like not being able to maintain good routines like regular exercise, poor food choices (impulsiveness, boredom, stimulant - I eat food that's bad for me for example because it helps me concentrate), drug/alcohol abuse. More likely to suffer from depression and anxiety with everything that brings. More likely to be convicted of a crime (20-30% of prisoners have ADHD). Etc etc etc. all leads to lower life expectancy.

You may want to have a watch of this. Russell Barkley is one of the world's experts in ADHD. It's long but eye opening (and he doesn't mince his words), you may want to watch in stages!...

And ADHD is NOT a fucking gift. That is a misperception that Russell covers in his talk above. I'll link to an excerpt below...

Sorry to jump in on your thread. I'm thinking my daughter could have ADHD. She mentioned it and looking at the list of symptoms she matches a lot. Would you approach school or the GP?

Part of the criteria for being diagnosed with ADHdisorder is that these traits have a negative impact in life. Otherwise they are simply traits. So you could struggle to get a diagnosis.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t try. Often at times when pressure ramps up (exams/university/new baby/menopause) these traits become overwhelming and then instead of being able to put help in place you start a process to get help that can take months or years.

We really need to shift away from the normal vs “something wrong” paradigm and normalise differences so that people don’t have to be in crisis to get help.

@TooManyPJs

I'm sorry to hear that you're finding things tough and feel your ADHD has held you back. I feel similar, I don't think it's widely understood how severely the symptoms can affect you, especially in adult life. Even with the diagnosis I don't think I received sufficient support as a child but I hope these days it's better understood and more support is offered.

I find there is no real help as an adult and that's when I feel I need it the most. It's definitely held me back in life. I think being undiagnosed would have been worse though, at least I know why I am the way I am and can find support in a community where others are experiencing the same difficulties. If it was a physical illness you wouldn't hesitate to get it diagnosed, I'm not sure why a psychological or neurological disorder should be any different.

A diagnosis won't bring additional support or funding. It can help a child's self esteem to understand whatever issues they are experiencing are not due to being stupid or similar and the problem is not of their making.

We’re in the same boat at roughly the same age with DD with autism, which the school nurse mentioned after DD was referred because of anxiety.

Her symptoms are “mild”, I guess (apologies if that’s the wrong terminology) and we found that the school nurses anxiety help has produced wonderful results that have really helped DD, so at this point we aren’t sure whether to try and get an official diagnosis. I’m not fooling myself that considering the backlog at the moment we will get an appointment within years, which is one reason I am hesitant.

I am going to talk to DD soon and explain what the school nurse suggested and see what she thinks about it. So far she hasn’t needed any extra support than SENCO just understanding the once a term she gets too anxious, but I know that might change. But I do want DD to understand herself, and understand if she starts to feel she reacts to things differently from her friends - the teenage years are hard enough without feeling you are somehow “different” from other people. Then we can follow her lead on diagnosis or further support if she feels like it (though I’m conscious we’re saying this from the fortunate position of being able to afford private counselling if that’s needed).

Ive also started to put some tips I’ve learnt from MN and friends for helping DC with autism and ADHD into practice and they’ve helped so much. Like understanding when she can’t organise a half hour to get ready and needs more structure and reminders, it helps her, and just appreciating that she’s not deliberately being slow or getting distracted helps us too.

Thank you for all your comments.

I will start by doing some research to help understand it and see how I can do things differently to help with her behaviour.

Can anyone recommend any good reading material.

I think I expect too much from her and we end up falling out. Maybe if I find some better ways of getting her to do things I.e like breaking things down into chunks and asking her in a different way we may find things easier.

She has no idea that I feel there may be an issue btw.

A diagnosis opens the door to additional time in exams, which can be very beneficial for some.

A diagnosis makes no difference to support, funding, extra time for exams, addition to the SEND register or any help getting into the next school.

Support or help is based on the needs of the child and if this qualifies him/her for help. Youngest has an extensive report for dyslexia/dysgraphia and it allowed her to use a computer in exams with extra time based on her needs. It was helpful to share the report with her employer in her case but as her attainment levels were high she had no interventions or other help other than using a regular computer. Any help is targeted to those who need help whether they have a diagnosis or not. No diagnosis is and has ever been needed to apply for an EHCP. Some children will never get a diagnosis because they have complex needs in many areas.
Will it help? this is based on the child and the expectations. You frequently find it makes no difference to anything because two children with a diagnosis of XYZ are like chalk and cheese. One child has major barriers to overcome and the other child may have none.

Correction. I do recall an offer of a special computer in university at a reduced
price but it was over a £1000 after the deduction but we assessed it was not worth it in our case.

I think I expect too much from her and we end up falling out

This is where we were. I’ve changed small things, such as acknowledging that if she seems to forget what I’ve asked her to do it’s not deliberate, and as such sometimes I repeat the request calmly, help her to figure it out, not just resort to snapping that she hasn’t worked out how to do it. It’s starting to make life much calmer.