How to make life a bit nicer

[Shinyseas]

I’m 51, a single parent to an 11yr old boy and work full time. Life is generally okay, as in financially we manage, nothing luxurious but we do stuff, have the odd trip etc.
I’m not sure what I’m asking really but life just feels a bit lonely and hard, and I’d like to improve it. We moved to a new city six years ago knowing no-one, and I worked hard to make friends, so now I have a small social circle. I’m nobody’s bestie though, and I’m aware I’m just not really needed. I don’t feel part of anything.
I think I’d really like to meet someone but after a couple of years on and off online dating, I’m losing the energy. I’ve met some nice enough blokes, but noone I really click with. I did have a lovely relationship with one man who I’m still platonic friends with - this gives me hope, as it ‘proves’ I can fall for someone! - but nothing has developed, in over two years. I’m craving a connection with someone tbh.
How do I shake things up a bit, or just make life a bit nicer/warmer for myself?

Start by making your every day life at home nicer. Create small uplifting rituals for yourself (eg put on gorgeous music when you wake up, make a cup of favourite tea or coffee, both to accompany you getting ready for work.)

Do the same for you and your son. Maybe have Friday night as a film night - pizzas and home made pop cron (they love popping it) and take turns to choose a family friendly film or comedy series suitable for his age group. Vary it by sometimes having a film night for him and his mates and sometimes invite a few people you know over to watch something.

Maybe find a hobby that you'd both enjoy that is a bit edgier - rock climbing or wild swimming or kayaking. Or just park run. Something that gets you out of the house and energised and where you might meet lively people and maybe a man.

A great way to make life more fun is to follow this rule:

You should have:

a tiny thing to look forward to each day (e.g. favourite TV comedy or drama; exercise class followed by a hot bath, coffee with a friend)
a small thing to look forward to each week - e.g. going to a movie, going out for dinner with your son and/or some friends, going for a day hike or a day trip at the weekend, an evening class you really enjoy
a medium thing to look forward to each month - maybe a gig or a weekend away or trip to the theatre
a big thing to look forward to each season - could be a festival, family holiday, or major sporting event or seeing your favourite singer ever etc or redecorating a room in your home so that you love it
an almighty achievement/life goal to work towards each year - could be training for a marathon, getting new qualifications, renovating a house, a trip of a lifetime, losing a stone in weight etc.

If you have all of these milestones plotted into your calendar, life becomes full and fun and you have exciting things to chat about with people which makes them feel like they are in lively company. More attractive to prospective friends and lovers if you are upbeat and clearly enjoy life.

Wow, VintageGibbon, that is such a kind and thoughtful post - thank you 😊

That is a great system with the day/ week/ month/ season idea - definitely going to use that!
I’ve found a shortcut to warmth and connection is volunteering, this may not be easy as a ft working single parent but possibly there may be places you can help out together? I have done beach/ river cleans where people have brought children of that age. At the moment I volunteer at a heritage venue just once a month, not much but its free, its something I’m interested in anyway and I do feel a part of something worthwhile.
If this is unrealistic, apologies. I am interested in other answers too!

Do something you could together AND meet kind hearted men ☺️

I suggest joining your local scout group or fire fighters, they are always looking for volunteers.

Cycling, shooting, rambling, model railway, football, rugby, triathlon clubs are likewise always full of men!

This is a wonderful post. Great ideas!

Op, hope things get better and I’m sure they will, lots of good advice on here. The weekly and seasonal rituals with your son and both of you getting involved in activities to bond with others are sound ways forward.

Have a long think about the activities that make you feel fulfilled and uplifted. It might be that your day to day life requires more thought.

The secret to happiness is gratitude. Try to see the positives in what you have and when you do nice things take stock and enjoy them.

Some great advice above! I'm going to try and bring some of those ideas into my life too. All I can add is,

Sleep - get a good night's sleep.

Music - listen to old favourites and new music (new to you).

Nature - get outside!

Star gazing - start by finding Orions belt and try pointing a pair of binoculars at a full/ nearly full moon on a clear night. Some people spend a lifetime just studying the moon. So absorbing!

@VintageGibbon what a great post.

I try to do the same. For myself, and to show my children how to build a varied life with plenty of self care. An amazing happy moment for me could be a fun activity (planning what snacks to take, talking with my children about something I’m particularly looking forward to during the activity) or a dinner with friends (you can could cheap simple things at home for them!), or even just sitting in the sunshine with hot tea between housework tasks.

I’d also say, try bringing energy to everything you do with others. Eg if meeting with friends - show how much you love to be there! Even if they aren’t your best friends, show genuine interest in their lives and who they are as people. The same with making new acquaintances, or talking to work colleagues. They will often respond to your own energy and attitude, and you’ll find that your connections are deeper and more valuable.

That's a lovely post too.

I agree that teaching the art of enjoying life to your children is crucial and so rewarding. Some of my proudest moments as a parent have been when DC were deeply disappointed (chucked by first love; didn't get into uni they really wanted) and I watched them be upset for a day with loads of self care (I remember one disappearing into the bathroom with an almost overflowing bubble bath, a tub of Ben and Jerrys and IT Crowd on reruns on his laptop) then organising fun stuff with friends for the days ahead and booking gigs for later in the year. I was so so pleased they knew how to build their lives back and have stuff to look forward to.

Hello,
I don't know if this would fit into your life style, but since getting our cat, life has seemed much warmer and cuter.
She is very undemanding, cuddly and sweet and the presence of another sentient but un-human being in our house has enriched our lives more than I ever thought.