Please talk to me about how you stopped breastfeeding a 1 year old!

[mummabubs]

DC2, 12.5 months (so literally just turned one). I'd always said I wanted to breastfeed for a year if we were able to. Her emerging front teeth having literally put holes in my boobs which make feeding agony (been weeks and it doesn't heal as everytime it starts to she slips her latch or bites again, it's agony). I'm also return to work in a months time so I feel now is the time to wind down breastfeeding. She will sort of accept a bottle, but only if it contains freshly expressed breastmilk (so not very helpful!) She's outright rejected formula and I've tried to give her warm whole cow's milk as she happily has this with porridge etc but she either rejects it outright too, or she takes one tiny sip every few minutes and takes 2 hours to have 1.5oz. To add to the 'issue' I also feed her to sleep for her nap and at night, so unless she takes a bottle reliably I can't imagine how she's going to adapt to anything else. She doesn't like being rocked unless she's super tired already and she's become very clingy with me so won't even let DH anywhere near her, she screams as soon as he picks her up. 🤦🏻‍♀️

With my firstborn breastfeeding didn't work for us so I exclusively pumped for a year and then my milk magically stopped when he turned one so we just moved him to cow's milk with no issue. So I'm suddenly feeling at a bit of a loss as to what to do! Did anyone taper down feeds during the day or have any tips for increasing the liklihood that she will drink cow's milk instead?

Thanks!

Same situation with my 15 month old except he doesn't take a bottle at all!
Watching with interest!
He's more boob obsessed than ever at the moment and I'm TTC so it's not ideal. No helpful advice but hopefully someone will have some!

Hot chocolate (warm)!

Mine wouldn’t have cows milk until she was 2, from 1 when I went back to work she just had 1 breastfeed in the evening and water at nursery which was fine.
she adjusted really quickly, I didn’t do anything. So my advice is just don’t worry about the milk and just reduce to feeding once a day once you are back at work and let it gradually stop. We ended up doing one feed until hone 2 but I could’ve stopped that sooner if we’d needed to.
I do think that carrying on for a few weeks through the transition to childcare is helpful, rather than stopping before they start.

I'd pretty much resigned myself to carrying on until he left for uni. Then when he was 2 he got a d&v bug and couldn't eat much for a few days. I stopped feeding him and then just changed the routine so he was doing something more interesting at the times he'd usually be feeding.

My first child weaned herself at 13 months (I was already 4 months pregnant again) but the second fed until 2.5. I was ready to stop at 2 but he wasn't. He was also a bottle refuser too so there wasn't anything I could give him instead. I co slept and he'd help himself in the night so I had to sleep in high necked tops and say no, he cried all night some nights, but I didn't want to be feeding a 3 year old. I'm now 14 months in with the 3rd, I've said I'll do until 2.5 again but he's also a bottle refuser. I am wfh so it has made it easier, I returned at 12 months with the first 2 and 10 months the third. It isn't impossible to carry on feeding back at work, you could do just mornings and then when you get in from work and night time. The biting you need to take them off and say "no" in a loud firm voice, then soon learn to stop if it means you take your boob away. If you do want to stop, you slowly drop feeds and be prepared for tears, they don't just use breastfeeding for a drink, it's like ripping their comfort blanket away too. Slow and gentle is key, also for you too so you don't get mastitis.

At this age they don't 'need' the milk so much so it's not a problem if they refuse bottles. You could offer drinks in cups, free-flow sippy beakers, straw- or sport- top bottles for example.

To stop feeding without doing yourself any damage (mastitis, ouch!) you do need to reduce slowly. I found with mine I would stop offering and see how often they asked for it, then gradually reduced a feed every few days by distracting the child with a different game, or book or getting them outside - anything really to change the habit (there was one chair in our house I stopped sitting on as that was where we mostly fed and they associated it with milk and came asking for it if I sat there). I started wearing higher necked tops for a while so it wasn't easy to access and simply repeated phrases like "mummy's milk has all gone".

I think it took 4-5 months as I did it very very gradually, you could speed it up. I think we were stuck on a bedtime and wake up feed only for most of that time which worked for my job. You could keep doing bedtime that way, but if you stop feeding to sleep they will adjust after a few difficult bedtimes. They do adapt quicker than you would think.

Don't worry about the cows milk - still keep offering it in any of the receptacles mentioned about, and giving them plenty in cereal and cheese and yoghurt - but it's not really quite as important that they drink it as people think. You could try an alternative like Oatly which is a bit sweeter but still has the calcium? And make sure they're on a good multi-vitamin, and then relax. If they're eating plenty of balanced meals including dairy, you don't need them to take bottles of any milk.

Can you gradually add more and more cows milk to the breastmilk bottles til she's used to it?
I remember being in a similar scenario. I think we knocked it on the head in the day first and distracted - which proved easier than i thought. Pretty sure my partner did bedtimes/wake ups about a month later until she got used to bottles. I remember being super worried about it and she adapted quicker than i expected . Hope you find the same.good luck

I’m in the same boat but with a nearly 7 month old so can’t give cows milk yet. He hates all formula and won’t take a bottle. I’m really over breastfeeding all day! Happy to I’m the mornings and at night but I want my daytimes back.

If you really want to stop then you’re going to have to make some tough decisions and stick with them. She is going to (probably) be unimpressed by the changes you want to make and is going to make it difficult!
She associates breastfeeding with sleep and comfort. You’ll need to break this association and find new ways to get her to go to sleep.
She also needs to be more independent from you. Going with her father (if he’s a capable one) shouldn’t be negotiable.
Cut down the day feeds, keep offering the milk in a cup. Work on finding a way to stop feeding her to sleep.
My 2 were EBF and never took a bottle reliably. They stopped feeding fairly naturally ( with a little encouragement) at around 14 months.
It may well come down to how much you want this and who’s got more will power!!

I tapered down until I was at one evening feed and then stopped. Tapering makes sense anyway, otherwise you're risking blocked ducts. Even then I had to do an emergency feed both times (have two DDs) 48 hours after the 'last' feed because I was bursting and in pain.

Mine were 13 months and I was working full time so were used to expressed milk and solid food. That said, when I gave DD2 a cup of cow's milk instead of her usual boob, I got a really dirty look, 5 minutes of screaming, then she guzzled the entire cup of milk and that was that.

Tapered down, last feed to be dropped was the first thing in the morning one. I stayed up stairs while partner offered him a cup of cow's milk.

It took a few days listening to heart-rending morning cries of "no no no!" . Eventually he accepted the disliked situation.

I was going to be away for a week without dc so that helped, but before that I tapered the feeds down to one feed before bed, the other times I would try and distract him or get DH to feed him breakfast which is when he most wanted to bf.

Thanks all, managed to taper out 2 day feeds today so only did 3 in total. Hopefully can continue with this and ease down.

I don't think I maybe was clear in my original post that I really do need to wind it down, I've literally got open bleeding wounds that are at risk of infection (grim I know) and feeding is so painful that I dread each feed and end up wincing. I've had input from LLL around this which I personally didn't find helpful as I got the sense I should just put up with the pain as the priority is DD continuing to get breast milk, not my physical or mental health 😔 No wonder so many women feel judged for their feeding choices eh.

I can remember begging my HV for help on this when DS was 12 months and I was going back to work. She told me she didn't know any mums who had continued exclusively BF so couldn't help 🤔I cut out his middle of the day feed first, then cut out morning feed by distracting with a sippy cup and rice cakes (he'd always refused bottles) Nursery had him drinking cows milk out of sippy cups within a week and I cut out bedtime feed finally on a don't offer but don't refuse basis. It was all fairly gentle in the end and I wished I hadn't spent my last few weeks of maternity leave stressing.
Sounds like you are really sore though, poor you! I'd continue dropping daytime feeds as it's easier to distract. I know what you mean about feeling judged no matter what you choose though....

Fair play to you for pumping for a year! Absolutely heroic.

Have you tried skipping the bottle and going for some kind of cup? Mine was lured by one of those two layered ones with floating shapes and glitter? Obviously quite messy at first but, plus side, she can drink from anything now.

My first was a bottle refuser too. I got him to accept cow’s milk from a cup by giving him that instead of water at meal times - he would drink it as he was thirsty and it was the only option.

I reduced feeds by just not offering - gave solids or distracted him instead. Cut down to one just before bed then eventually dropped that too.

can you go out one evening and let DH put her to bed? If you aren’t there so won’t have much choice but to accept him!

At 1 she doesn't need breast milk any more and should hopefully getting her sustenance from food. It's probably down to comfort/routine that she is still very boob focused.
My 1 year I decided that it was time to wean as I too was going to back to work in the not too distant future, and I too was fed up of my nipples being used as a chew toy 😣
I just started off by stopping one of the feeds.
By this point she was bf 3 times a day (breakfast, lunch and dinner).
I started by stopping the lunch feed, I think she had a week of this before I then stopped another feed (breakfast). Another week of just one feed before the dinner feed was gone.
I was very lucky that my DD didn't ask for or fuss about the removal of breastfeeding as she ate like a hungry trucker so definitely didn't require breast milk.
She can have other fluids other than milk like water. If she doesn't like cows milk you could try alternatives such as almond milk (it's sweeter than cows milk so she might take to that more)
If she's persistent then you could try putting something on your nipples that is strong/bad tasting that will put her off (my mum used mustard to stop me bfeeding 😂) Although she may then just want to stop cold turkey.
She's gotten into a routine/habit of feeding to sleep. It's about breaking that habit and possibly replacing with something else. A cup of warm milk. Bypassing the bottle and seeing if she'll use a non-spill beaker?!? You'll be in for a few bad nights/days but eventually she will forget about the boob and move on.

Thank you so much @Pandapooks, that's really helpful. I've managed to keep the day feeds down to 2 or 3. The little pickle still wakes up 3 times a night so cutting down those feeds may take longer. Just hope she magically decides to start sleeping through when I go back to work. (I can dream 😂).

I've tried a few different style bottles, but will keep persevering. She drinks water happily from different cups, just milk she's not a fan of it seems. I'm still offering it daily so 🤞🏻

Ouch that sounds so painful. To be honest in that situation I'd just stop and say mummy hurts when they ask for it. 'ow sore' would have been understood by my babies at that age😉 I'd recommend Weleda calendula ointment which helps healing, has to be the ointment not the cream, can get it online. I used it when breast feeding by younger two all the time, in agony with first when I didn't know about it.

As for giving up, all three of mine I stopped at 10-11 months but had weaned off daytime feeds by distraction (they just fed to sleep at night, in the night and morning when they woke). None had a bottle, used sippy cups from 3 months for water or juice anyway. The first fell asleep without breastfeed one night after a day out so took the opportunity to stop and sent husband into him when he woke in the night. He got in bed with him to soothe him and he got up in the morning to give him breakfast. He loved his food so was relatively easy, and he didn't like milk ever, drank water or watered down apple juice, but he ate cheese and yoghurt so didn't worry about him having cow's milk, he'd forgotten about it in about 4 days.
Second was a bit harder (and I still feel bad about it😭) as he loved his milk more, I put him in his cot and just kept going back in to pat him/soothe him and he eventually fell asleep without it and then started sleeping 12 hours through the night for the first time ever, went straight down for breakfast when he woke. Took about a week with him and I did feel a bit cruel. I did sometimes have to rock him to sleep which he accepted when he was tired. Third one I can't even remember weirdly🤔 must have been too busy with three🤷 but know I stopped at similar time as didn't want to go over one year old having witnessed how much more difficult it was to get older children to come off it. The earlier the quicker they seem to forget it and they were all on real meals by then and I didn't feel needed it for nutrition.

We didn't have to deal with feeding to sleep by the time I weaned as we had done gradual retreat sleep training a few months earlier. But when I went back to work we weaned day feeds to bottle - one every three days. The game changer for me was not offering boob instead if she wouldn't take the bottle. Ie. once that breastfeed was gone, it was gone. I previously thought I had a baby who wouldn't take a bottle, turns out she just knew that I would eventually relent so if she held out long enough she'd get boob. I'm sure it's not that simple for some but I think at 12 months you can risk skipping some milk feeds while you wean if that's what it takes, and you'll probably find they don't mind the bottle after all, in that situation. Oh also, I weaned first to formula as I understand it's a bit sweeter tasting, more similar to breast milk. Made the change to cow's milk a bit later, after she was happily established on the bottle.

Mine wouldn’t take a bottle at this be so went to a sippy cup. That and food was enough.