Settling in a care home.

[Soupsetscared]

DM has dementia and she went into a residential home last week.
We took ornaments, cushions and photos.
Each time anyone visits she is asking to go home one minute
then I love it here the next.
She cannot live back at home as wasn't taking care of herself
was lonely unless one of us visited.
How long does it take (I know I'm asking a stupid question)
If she is lucid can she insist on going home. There are 3 children
and we have POA for health and finance.
Carers wouldn't work as it's in the night that she is a danger to herself
leaving the gas on but no flame after making toast.
We set up lots of alarms which she turned off.

It can take a few weeks - the care home should be used to dealing with this. Hang on in there and im sure she will settle down. You have done the right thing.

It’s taken my granny a few weeks. She doesn’t have dementia but her short term memory is very poor..
I would be prepared for her to continue asking to go home for a long time (possibly forever). There are residents I see that have been there for years who still sit in there front entrance asking anyone who’ll listen if they’re going home now.😕 You just have to keep reminding yourself that it is the best option for her. Try not let the guilt eat at you, you have provided the best care you can.

Agree with @bilbodog, the care home will be used to dealing with this. My aunt has Alzheimer’s and some days she tells me she’s going to the leave the care home (not distressed, just matter of fact) and other days she tells me how happy she is. She’s been in the care home for over a year now. I believe that if your mum is deemed to not have capacity to make decisions then the LPAs over ride her wishes. You have made the right decision and she is safe in the care home.

My dad has been in a care home coming up to 2 years, also suffers from dementia. He still mentions coming home (house was sold to pay for care costs). He is non mobile, he seems to think he is in a hotel. Staff are lovely and he is well cared for. You will feel the guilt but you need to remind yourself that you have done the best thing for your parent.

I hope your mum settles soon - just wanted to offer some advice. Label everything with your mum's name, every sock, photo (and the frame), ornament etc. Other residents will wander into rooms and take things, not maliciously at all but it can be very distressing when something personal is lost. If everything is labelled the staff have much more chance of reuniting it with its owner.

Also take her some of her favourite snack foods, again labelled and put out of reach of other residents. Let the staff know and they can help her get them or keep them in the fridge/freezer.

And please don't feel guilty, you are doing the right thing.

Yes, definitely label absolutely everything. I buy special labels that clip on securely from a company called care home label company. You can use them to label things like cushions, teddies etc without having to sew or write on them. Things definitely disappear from my aunt’s room and as she doesn’t recognise her own belongings now or know that items have gone it makes it easier for staff. I’ve also found that all clothes get washed and tumble dried so woollen items don’t survive well unfortunately.