Anyone given up work to be a sahm and regretted it?

[Mushyrule]

I worked on a very part time basis when my 3 older DC's were young, but after DC 4 was born, I went back full time as I was offered a very good position out of the blue.

I earn decent money but I find it relentless trying to juggle running the house and family life along with working in a job where I have quite a bit of responsibility. DH is very good at sharing tasks etc but he also has a demanding job and there's only so much we can do between us after work.

What's really getting me down recently though is lack of time with the kids. I get an hour with them in the morning, then at best, I get 1.5-2hrs in the evening while we are also trying to sort dinner and bedtime etc. I miss having time to spend with the kids, especially the youngest who is only 2.

Am I mad to want to give up my job to be a sahm? We could get by ok on DHs salary without scrimping too much. Unfortunately, part time is not really an option in my industry.

Forgot to say, I used to enjoy my job, but have become more and more discontent with it over the last 6 months.

Not quite the same, but recently I decided to make a lifestyle change for reasons including those you're mentioning. I'd been in a career where I'd been on contracts (1-3 years) and there was a possibility I'd get a permanent job, but chances were looking increasingly slim, and that permanent job was looking increasingly insecure. I really hated it.

I didn't want to give up work, both because we don't have four children (hats off to you!), and because I wanted to keep earning some money and to keep myself in the loop. I ended up taking on a low-paid job (it'd be about 24k if I did it full time), and working quite reduced hours. I work short days for three days so I ca always pick DD up from school at 3. Then I have two days off which are split between getting the house sorted (we just bought a house that needs a lot of work), and writing (I've had one book published and am hoping to keep on with that).

I am finding it hugely easier now, than when we were both working full time. My DP also finds it better. I think the big thing is how you feel about it yourself? I do feel sad about the things I wanted to do in my career that didn't happen, and it is hard to see other people forging ahead with that career. It also worries me that DP will see me as 'the wife' who does this stuff - so far this hasn't actually happened at all, which is a welcome surprise, but I did think it really might.

I don't think there is a right answer, and you may well be wondering whether someone with only one child knows they're born - but this is my perspective!

(I should say - our income dropped hugely; I was earning a more than DP who's now the main earner, so it is a bit scary, but day to day it feels much better.)

That's encouraging Sarah thanks ☺️

The part time work I was doing before was self-employed contract type work, and I could go back to doing that (or something similar to that) without much of an issue if I wanted.

I suppose it's a bit different in my case, as I was a sahm for ages (bar 8-10 hours a week that I worked on a very flexible basis), so it wouldn't be too much of a shock lifestyle-wise. I have made huge strides in my career over the past few years though, so that would be difficult to walk away from, but at the same.time, it's not something I want to do forever either.

Could you go back to part-time? I think that would be a good compromise.

I was forced into caring full time for my sick child for 18 months and it was much harder work than I would have imagined to get hired at a similar level and get going again.

I didn’t anticipate it as I had previously been part time during the preschool years, and, although there was obviously a financial cost, kicking back up a gear had been easy. The CV gap seems to be the issue.

If in doubt, go part time again.

Me but in my case I felt I didn't have a choice as I had postpartum psychosis followed by a massive breakdown after the birth of my first child. The circumstances left me resentful especially now dh only wants me to work if I have a "proper" career worthy of my qualifications/experience whereas I want a relaxed low paid job because of my mental health.

I imagine if it had been my choice, I'd feel differently though.

Not me! I'm a SAHM and I absolutely cherish it. My toddlers aren't the easiest, and it can sometimes feel a bit relentless. But I wouldn't swap it for the world. This is such a special time, and once it's gone. There will be no getting it back. I totally understand that being a SAHM is not for everyone, and certainly not an option for everyone. But personally, nothing could entice me back to work at the moment.

Yes, temporarily and hugely regretted it. It was definitely the best thing for the children and my husband, but not for me. I went back to full time work after 4 years off. Long term it would have been disastrous both financially and emotionally for me.

I did it and never regretted it. It was the best for the kids when they were so little, and best for the family.I am back at work now (DC are older) but I look back on that time fondly, it was definitely the right decision.

Interesting about a CV gap being an issue.

Although part time isn't really an option in an employed role, there is the potential to work in a consultant/contractor type position, though it wouldn't be at the same level of seniority.

Sending you love @dinosauratemydaffodils

I had ppp also after my first. Life hasn't really been the same again in a before and after kind of way. If you can't trust your perceptions when you most need them, what do you do?

I have other children, bags of counselling, mostly recovered but what hasn't worked is big work. Anything adrenaline soaked breaks me - fight or flight response, always wired.

My DH benefited from his own counselling and support group for partners. He had been there but he didn't really understand. He does now.

I had no choice because I didn’t earn enough to pay for childcare. I was very unhappy and my life felt a bit pointless for five years. If I could start over I wouldn’t have put myself in that situation, it was awful.

OP I think it's be a great idea to resign tbh. You wouldn't be a SAHM either if you went back to part time self employed stuff. You'd be a working mother and much respect to you for finding a balance that suits your work and family life! I bet the work you have part time could ramp up to full time or you could take on more or less work as you need and lots of people would kill for that flexibility. I run my own business and am able to balance kids and work far more than when I was in a full time job and dare I say what I do now is so so so much more fulfilling, no office BS and politics, no commute, and I'm the boss.

It’s not easy I know but I would try and think long term
so easy to give up at this stage,and so hard to get back into it at the same level
Have seen so many women fall into that trap
Having a SAHM is brilliant for Dads !
Not sure it really makes that much difference to children
Everyone agonises about it when DC are very young but when the DC are in late teens can anyone tell which had SAHM

Getting in at the same level would probably be an issue, but actually, I've been questioning the level I'm at for the last 6 months as it is anyway. I'm quite senior and have a lot of responsibility, but it's not something I ever seeked out, it happened as a sort of accidental natural evolution.

Being a sahm may not matter to the kids, but it does matter to me (not in the sense that I feel like they need it, but more in the sense that I feel like I need it).

DH agrees that something needs to change in our current setup, but he is reluctant for me to give up my full financial independence.

Which I suppose I wouldn't really be doing if I did do some p/t contracting.

The thing is, my employer could offer me any amount of extra money and it wouldn't make a difference. What I need is extra time in my day to spend with my family.

I quit work when I was pregnant with my first and used the time - alongside child raising - to retrain in a different career. So six years with no / very limited pay, BUT once I was ready I had the experience to get going immediately. I started my own business when they were 6 and 3 and am glad I used the time relatively productively and with an eye on our future.