Why are people so unkind sometimes?!

[Hreengah]

Me and DP had some really rubbish news recently and as a result had to pull an application for a rental property. I sent an apologetic email explaining the situation - not ‘woe is me/us’ but factually letting them know what had happened - and expressing that I understood the inconvenience to the letting agency and that the deposit would need to be forfeited by us as a result. I also commented that we had been impressed with the professional service of the company and said we would recommend them in future.

The response I got was a one line ‘that’s a shame you are not going ahead with the property’ and an abrupt ‘regards’ at the end - completely out of line with his previous correspondence.

I know it’s not a counselling service but surely you’d have a bit more empathy here? At the end of the day they’ve got our deposit and will keep it. I just can’t understand how unkind people can be.

Just felt miserable and wanted to share.

people are shitty, unfortunately.

I don't see a problem with that reply. It's professional and to the point.

Really sorry you’ve had bad news, I think it’s colouring your view somewhat though as he hasn’t actually been unkind, just not as kind as one would hope in that situation.

Its easy to project hurt and upset elsewhere though so easily done but I don’t think he’s done much wrong here (although could have done more).

Sorry for whatever you’re going through

@ChagSameachDoreen true and I did think that maybe that was the best way they thought to deal with it. Perhaps I should have been equally as direct and written ‘Hi, just to let you know we are not proceeding with x. Regards.’

But honestly I’d have felt like an utter dick. It doesn’t take much to be nice.

I am not sure what they should have done
this is a professional/ transactional relationship not a friendship
You didn’t actually need to tell them to the reason you were pulling out for that reason
this sort of thing happens all the time to letting agents

@ShirleyPhallus yes I think that’s true. I definitely would have been a lot nicer in my reply though, it I was him. Not saying I would have written an essay, but I would have acknowledged that time had been taken to apologise for inconvenience etc. It’s just good manners surely!

i feel better after posting though. I’m feeling sensitive at the moment

Sorry to read that. I’m assuming you emailed the Letting Agent? He/she may not have known what to say.

If a death has occurred in your family a standard ‘my condolences’ would be a straightforward response but sometimes if the news you’ve shared is very distressing or unusual it can be hard for some people to respond in writing.

A former colleague of mine went through a terrible ordeal when his young children died in horrendous circumstances. His Social Media account was awash with people sending messages of sympathy. To this day I’m embarrassed to say I didn’t write anything because I was truly lost for words and thought “I’m sorry” just sounded so inadequate. When I saw him in person I found it so much easier to say those words out loud. Written down, it just seemed trite.

You didn't need to explain why, a simple "our circumstances have changed" message would have been better. The letting agent doesn't want to know (or care, sorry) about your personal life. The reply was fine, anything else could be seen as inappropriate or unprofessional.
Sorry to hear you are having a shit time, I hope it gets better for you.

I worked in this industry and you get a LOT of people dicking you about. He probably thinks you're lying - you become very jaded in the property/letting industry!

As for situations when people really are mean - it's often because misery likes company. I don't think the guy was "unkind" in this case - he's probably just miffed because it's going to cause extra work for him.

But they weren't unkind, were they? Just factual and to the point

I deal with cancellations alongside a lot of other different queries and requests in my line of work via email, and our 'sign off' is pre written so it always says 'Kind regards' we just type the body of the message, so I would assume that an estate agent deals with similar various things and have a generic sign off, but I do think just 'Regards' is a bit short tbh.
I would have replied to a similar message expressing regret at the cancellation, confirming that the deposit is non refundable and thanking you for your kind comments on the service and wishing you well for the future (depending on circumstances) but then I'm a waffler and have been told to cut down on the waffle and be more to the point.
I wouldn't be particularly upset about the short response if I were in your shoes though, from an estate agent that I didn't have an established relationship with.
Sorry about your bad news 💐

It's maybe a bit abrupt, but I don't think it is unkind.

You didn't need to go into full detail about why you were dropping out, just that some bad news and a change in personal circumstances had forced the change of plan.

The reply was professional and to the point.

What you end your emails with is always controversial!

When I was working (actually still now), I always used to sign off with 'regards'. I thought 'kind' or 'best' regards was a bit too familiar and/or cheesy.