“Your tummy is big” - normal reaction

[Pottytrainhelp]

Out recently with DN (6) shopping for clothes. DN declares I have a big tummy (I do) and asked why. DSis told her it’s not nice to comment on peoples size/bodies. I just replied “yes it is”, not knowing what to say. What would you say to that? Just to be clear, not upset with DN at all, I am overweight and she was making an observation, she was being curious. BUT it is something I’m conscious about and especially DN being a girl I wanted to say something that was neutral or positive but mind went blank and still is. Arghh this is bugging me for some reason…

I'd probably have said it's because I eat too many cakes or something similar

Best to be honest, I'm thinking, within the range of understanding of a kid of six. Assuming you know the reason why you're overweight put that into terms she'll understand, neutrally, without any sort of negativity or defensiveness?

Good for you for sorting out how to deal with it in a way which satisfies her curiousity and is positive!

My daughter has said this to me and asked why. I just told her it's because I'm well fed!

I think I'd just come at it from a "people come in all different shapes and sizes" but also point out that it's usually not polite to comment/question how someone looks as it could hurt their feelings.

But it wasn't a criticism just a observation.. Ds told his dgm she had nice big boobs and they made great pillows!! Factual on both counts!

Not sure you needed to say anymore about it. Your sister can chat to her about it more if needed. TBH at 6 she should be told not to comment about appearances , unless additional needs etc

I think what you said is fine! You kept it completely neutral.

I also reply to things like this with ‘yes, I eat too much cake. It’s why you should eat your fruit and vegetables’

I would never make a reference to ‘eating too much’, some people are bigger, some are smaller, it’s not always because ‘cake’.

This is the opposite of neutral and could set up DN for a life time of diet culture

i would have said ‘yes I do, some people have big tummies, some people have small tummies. Everyone is different’

Your answer was perfect in my view. After all, your DN didn't ask 'why?' - maybe because she's not puzzled by it, having already noticed that people come in all shapes and sizes!

I think your answer was spot on.

I think what you said was fine. No positive or negative value attached, just a confirmation of fact. My daughter has made similar comments to me and I strive to respond in a similar way (whilst also reminding her that not everybody welcomes comments about their body!)

I'm overweight due to steroids and other medications. Telling them that you've 'eaten too much cake' seems cruel to yourself and may be misleading.

I've gained weight from trauma and medication, am currently on an NHS weight loss course. I've not eaten 'too much cake' (dislike cake) and eat many a vegetable every day!

I think what you said was fine, DN made a factual observation, you replied with a factual response.

Not making a thing of it was probably the better way to go.

I guess it depends on how overweight you are and the reasons why because instilling the idea that it's a positive thing to a young impressionable girl isn't good either?

I would mention that it's not polite to comment on other people's bodies. Six is not too young to learn manners.

I think your DSis's reaction was spot on. It's not very nice to comment on people's size. And 6 is old enough to learn it.
I can see that people may deal with this kind of comment differently within family, that it's ok because you don't mean no harm. But at the same time, a child should know it's really not ok to comment about people's body, otherwise they may say it to others and could really hurt someone.

I like this type of response when my kid ask difficult questions or make observations of the same sort.
Factual, neutral.