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3 year old becoming increasingly frustrated

4 replies

Algarythmnmadness · 19/05/2022 10:52

DD3 is speech delayed. She awaiting an operation to remove her tonsils, adenoids and to fit grommets. She has moderate hearing loss due to the fluid in her ears.

She is becoming increasingly frustrated at not being able to fully express herself. I sometimes find it difficult to understand what she says. I ask her to repeat herself, if she can show me what she means. I'll even ask her twin sister what she's saying as they have a special twin bond where they can understand each other (and do twin talk a little as well).

As part of the frustration she is lashing out quite a lot now. If she can't make me understand what she is trying to say she'll cry, hit me, try to scratch me. But she is also lashing out when she can't do whatever she wants. She has taken to biting her twin sister when they have disagreements. I feel the biting is a result of her time at private nursery. She has been bitten several times now by a child with special needs. Even though she is so upset when this happens to her she has taken to biting her sister.

I'm just not sure what to do with the hitting and biting. When she has hit her sister, she goes for a timeout, we then have a chat, a cuddle and she apologies to her sister. They have a big hug and carry on.

How can help her with her frustration but also let her know that her actions are totally unacceptable? I'm really hoping that this upcoming operation will be a turning point for her.

thanks for reading, interested to hear anyone's else's experience with these kind of things.

OP posts:
WalrusSubmarine · 19/05/2022 11:06

Sorry she’s been so unwell. I bet that’s been rough.

I have a three year old that swipes at me and shouts. He’s very clingy to me and pushing his dad away. I figured it was a phase and I’m trying to just say no and move on quickly.

x2boys · 19/05/2022 11:16

Has she got portage or anything else involved ?.I have a severely autistic 12 year old non verbal son so different circumstances but he gets frustrated, I try and follow what his special school do ,and say things like I don't like that when he displays negative behaviour and reinforce positive behaviour
How's her understanding, is it just speech delay?

Algarythmnmadness · 19/05/2022 11:50

Thank you for your replies

She understands everything, it's just the talking bit where she is a little delayed. I tell her that her actions make me sad and she gets praise when she does positive things.

She has been to a speech therapist who said that her words and the pronunciation of the words were within the normal ranges for her age, but she was struggling to put those words together to make sentences, so we are waiting for a course of language therapy to start.

She's been a constant worry since they were born, they arrived at 33 weeks. She is absolutely tiny still, is on the 0.4th centile for height & weight - we have an appointment with an endocrinologist in about 4 weeks to discuss.

Maybe, this is just an example of typical 3 year old behaviour? Her twin sister can also have epic meltdowns but they don't include lashing out at me or her dad (well at the moment anyway). When she's finally finished lashing out and she calms down, all she wants to do is cuddle and be close to me, which is when we have a chat about hitting being unacceptable. She agrees and is happy to apologise but then I guess when the next thing comes along she just forgets all of that and her emotions take over.

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x2boys · 19/05/2022 13:27

It sounds like she's frustrated due to her lack of communication, if her understanding is good ,three yeer old, s are often not great at regulating their emotions
Maybe Makaton,/Signalong might help in the interim to aid her communication

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