Navigating Invites to Children's Party

[BFPDec21]

DD has chosen 17 out of 28 children in her class that she wants at her party which will be at a play centre.

I'm trying to get two crossed off the list somehow, mainly for 2 reasons:

1. I don't think it's fair over half are being invited and the rest aren't

2. Cost

DH is saying that we should leave the 17 on the list but book it for 15 as 2 are bound to be unavailable. I'd usually agree with him but would hate to be seen as the cheapo trying to hash out the cost of the extra two kids on the day in front of all the parents, if they all make it.

What's your best advice on navigating this scenario?

1. I don't think that the uninvited ones will see the difference between 11 uninvited and 13. If they're going to be upset by being 1 of 11, they'll be upset about being 1 of 13 (it's still over half at 15) but with two extra children to get upset.
2. Reasonable to think of cost, but might be better before your dc chooses next time. So say "you can choose 15 for your party" rather than "now you've chosen 17, knock two off". at that age they can be brutally honest from their perspective and saying "I wanted to invite you but mum said no" will be far more embarrassing than sorting out cost for an extra two on the day.

Either full class party, all boys or girl or just have 6 to 8 kids.

You need to book for the actual number of kids you are inviting!

all the girls…..all the boys….everybody…or 2 or 3 ….15 or 17 out of a class of 28 is decisive…..it will end in tears …..very likely yours, as you will find your child is not invited to many parties in future

Devisive

Thank you! Some really pragmatic advice there.

For context, DD is 4 and we did ask her to choose 15. We counted them out and then she added some kids because her friend is friends with them or one said they wanted to try her birthday cake. I've tried to explain that they're the wrong reasons to invite people but this is the first time she'll have a party with school friends and is really set on making them happy.

I'm happy to end up paying for the extra 2 if we really have to, DH is less so as he doesn't think they'll all turn up.

I agree and would go for a whole class party if at all possible and if not maybe half a dozen dc.

Babe, it’s insane to get a 4 year old to choose guests. She’ll forget who she’s invited and start inviting others in the class (my 6 year old did this).
make it all girls/boys or just around 8, ideally a couple she talks about and then kids whose parents you are mates with.

Ditch the extra two children as her reasons for inviting them aren't valid. Stick to 15 half the class is absolutely fine. Pay for the amount you invite, don't hedge your bets.

I actually have this fear, she's got form for inviting kids to sleepovers and it never being discussed at home!

I actually asked her to invite just the girls, much to my own dislike of having to do this as I don't believe in setting a precedent in dividing girls and boys. Big no as she wanted two boys there that are funny.

At this age, I talk to 2 mums at school and only very casually to say hello. I'm going to have a good look at the list tomorrow and cut it drastically. Maybe I can appease her by getting 2 close friends to bring their kids instead of a meal we were thinking of doing with them separately.

This, she won’t even remember that she invited them.

She won’t remember who’s invited. She won’t care on the day.
I don’t agree splitting boys and girls, all mine had a mixture - because they are their friends and kids this age aren’t much different.
I would invite 10 at most.

keeps the cost down and some will try and sneak in brothers and sisters and you’ll be out on the spot.

Whole class parties are a bit of a nightmare, but I’d rather go through that than try to sort out all the shit! Poxy birthday parties 😩

Ahh NC fail.

I just asked DH if we could invite them all to make it easier. His face was a picture😂 It'd be £400+ and we have a baby on the way too.

I think it'll be easier to split it as just girls really. I've whittled the list down to 10 girls she plays with. I'm still trying to cut some down but don't want to alienate anyone. The drama of this stuff is so bloody hard!

Without being too outing and wanting anyone to find my username from school, I won't say how many but there's a very big majority of girls in her class.

Plus, she hasn't had an invite for a single boys party as of yet, despite all except 1 already having birthdays. I haven't minded myself when she hasn't been invited but it makes it easier to take them off of the list. Unfortunately I can see how this does limit parties in future.

I think it'll be easier to split it as just girls really. I've whittled the list down to 10 girls she plays with.
If there's a huge majority of girls in the class, how many are being left out? Wouldn't that make it easier to invite two boys as you're not then leaving only a couple of girls out?
And definitely talk to her about not inviting people to her party, that's for Mummy to do! Explain about not talking too much about it at school because you can't invite everyone and then those who aren't invited will be unhappy and might ask her if they can come. I've had to take some rather embarrassing phone calls in the past from parents enquiring about party details.

You cant invite most of the girls in the class and leave a few out.

For a 4 year old I would invite the whole class so do something inexpensive like a community hall for 2 hours or picnic in the park (appreciate the latter is a weather risk if you are in the U.K.:)

DD started choosing specific friends for smaller birthday celebrations last year when she turned 7. We took a group bowling and pizza. I don’t think she would have been able to coherently choose 15 guests aged 4 and would have ended up randomly adding kids!

If we invited 10 girls, it's less than half of the girls in her class. There's a lot of them!

This will be the only 'big' birthday for her for a while. We wanted to do it because she's asked many times, been relatively well behaved on the whole and has a sibling on the way so this is something for her. The next ones will be in a park or at the house until she's a bit older as Eastie77Returns said. It's exactly how my mum did it until I got to my teenage years then had another big party and not another until 18.

We've decided to invite the whole class now though😅DH is sure they won't all come anyway, not all have cars and it's not local.

Sorry, site glitching for me.

Basically, we could end up with the full class but I've resigned myself to that now and it's one birthday out of many for DD. Hopefully she'll be happy for this one but the next ones will be less expensive.