Ds10 is off sick

[User280905]

Ds10 is not in school, says he's not feeling well. I think he's not telling the truth and just doesn't want to go in. He had a busy weekend, he has a difficult teacher, we've got some stressful things going on at home, he doesn't go to bed early enough and he's tired.

So I've said fine if he's sick he can stay at home but he needs to stay in bed and he can't watch tv. I really thought this would make him get up and go to school but no, he's not going in.

How long do you think we'll last before we have a massive falling out? Can I really make him stay in bed in the dark all day?

He doesn't make a habit of this, he hasn't had a day off sick in years apart from when he had covid. But I have to make it dull and boring, don't I, so he doesn't pull this trick again if he fancies a day off.

Maybe he genuinely isn't well but my gut feeling is he's pretending. It's going to be a fun day!

If its not a regular thing i would just let him have the day off. He may generally feel a bit fatigued and worn down

I would bring it all out into the open, instead of effectively "punishing" him for feeling worn out.

I would listen to him - say to him that you feel he is not genuinely ill in the normal sense of the word, but can see that he is tired out and has decided he needs a rest. Tell him it is OK to understand his own needs and to take steps to deal with them, but that he has a responsibility to go to school, just as you and OH have a responsibility to go to work to earn a living. But let him make this decision with your blessing - he knows then that you understand and are beside him and he does not have to pretend - but explain that this is not something that it is right to do regularly - that this is a one off and you wish him to know that you understand where he is coming from.

If you give him the chance to be honest then he does not have to "pull this trick" - he can have a sensible discussion with you about it.

say to him that you feel he is not genuinely ill in the normal sense of the word, but can see that he is tired out and has decided he needs a rest

Oh you sound so patient and kind. I'm just tired and ratty. And I mean that honestly, I'm not being sarcastic.

I've got a couple of hours work I really have to do so I'll leave him till I've done that, then sit and have a chat with him.

I always let my DC have the day off if I know their faking it. I think we all have off days and need the occasional duvet day

My DD is 10 and is definitely feeling the pressure at school at the moment, it wouldn't surprise me if she faked being ill for a day off school and I'd probably just let her - they need the mental-health break

I think you should to cut him some slack, it's only 1 day and as long as he knows he can't make a habit out of it, it will be fine

It's one day. He's feeling tired and cba, don't we all have those days?
Long as he knows can't happen weekly let him recharge

I don’t personally agree with duvet days and ‘don’t we all have days where we need this’. I think the advice above to address it head on with an understanding chat is the best approach.

If it's a one off I wouldn't punish him by making him stay in bed all day. Sometimes school/ life at that age (at any age) is exhausting and he probably just needs a quiet day and a break from it all. No need for a falling out, just cuddles and a chat I'd say.

You lot are all so much nicer than I am!
He's done his homework for the week and his music practise and tidied his room.
Now he can turn on the tv

We all need a mental health day now and again