Sad my children won’t read anymore

[Clarebear89]

They’re 14 and 11 and always loved books when they were small. We have a huge collection of all the classics and lots of new ones too some never read, they always get books for birthdays and Christmas and my eldest would read a whole book in a day. Now it’s all about phones and if I put my foot down and try to limit use they kick up a fuss that they’re being left out of group chats and socialising with their friends. Their friends spend their entire free time on their phones so my dc want to aswell so they don’t miss out on anything. Youngest says reading is boring and doesn’t enjoy it. I know they’re growing up now but it’s such a shame that paper books seem forgotten over technology these days. Any one else feel the same and managed to get their dc into reading again or do I just accept they’re not interested and leave them be?

Do they have kindles?

Mine are 10 and 12 and felt like this - very recently they've found books and books series which reall capture their attention. The other day in the car it was quiet and when i looked they were both reading. Could discussing book ideas encourage them?

Could they start a book club with a couple of close friends? Agree on a book they all want to read. It would give them something in common to them discuss together. It's worked really well for my DD13.

For example Hunger Games or Divergent series. Then maybe they can watch the movie together and discuss differences.

My DS went through a phase of never reading a paper book, having been a reader all his life. He's now at university, and has just read an absolute doorstep of a sci-fi novel (because a friend gave it to him) and last Xmas requested specific sci-fi novels that had been recommended to him. I think it helps that he's a nerd, where reading isn't socially punished. He's also written a lot of stories - something I never expected him to do - because of developing plot lines for D&D games. (And he plays the D&D games online with mates.)

I think the trick is to encourage whatever they might be drawn to, even if it's not something you consider "good writing", whether that be romance, TV tie-in novellas, graphic novels, genre fiction, whatever. Also be sympathetic to the mode of reading- eg a kindle app on their phone or tablet, rather than paper and ink. And keep your fingers crossed that they will come back to that.

Turn off the wifi. My teen read every book on my kindle when we accidentally went on holiday to a wifi free house

My eldest is 15 and it's much the same. But I do take solace in the fact that he plays PC games which are themed around storytelling like Morrowind. Lots of reading is necessary in order to play these games.

11yo is into books still - currently reading Dark Elf trilogy by Salvatore. Reads a bit before falling asleep each night and often in the holidays during the day if not much is happening.

But I do take solace in the fact that he plays PC games which are themed around storytelling like Morrowind.

Really>?

"But I do take solace in the fa"ct that he plays PC games which are themed around storytelling like Morrowind"
How, about saying you are not playing games all day read a book or go out with some mates and have a real life

My DD rediscovered her love of books at 15 when it became a "thing" on Tiktok.

Now she reads all the time. I think peer pressure was part of the reason for stopping so she started when it became "cool" again.

Do they see you/DH/other adults reading? DH and I realised we were only reading in bed so DC thought of books as a holiday activity rather than an everyday one as they never saw us read

Bit judgy there Standoctor!

In the real life many children use pc's and gaming to connect with others due to mental health or neurodiversity..etc

Of course a Swallows and Amazon life style with fresh air, books and ginger beer would be preferable..just saying.

Nothing wrong with reading in the format that isn't paper. At least he is reading. If he was just playing a platform game, that would not be great for expanding his vocabulary but Elder Scrolls is a first person narrative themed role playing game. Lots of text within it.

I don’t think you can get your children to be interested in reading and I also don’t think it’s your place to try. Reading is a hobby, and some people will find it more enjoyable than others. It might be permanent disinterest or might just be a ‘season’ that they are into reading. My husband didn’t read often until lockdown, and now he’s found that he loves non-fiction and reads around fifty books a years. I go through phases where I read very often, and then might go weeks without picking up a book. It might also be worth thinking how much time you spend/have spent on your phone vs reading around them. If they see you killing your spare time on your phone then that’s what they’ll learn.

Kindles might help in that it’s easier to have access to many books quickly and is very portable. A smart speaker with audiobooks at bedtime is great for some kids. Having a wide range of books available: romance, fantasy, sci-fi, classics, airport thrillers, sports, history etc. I read huge amounts of fan fiction as a teenager, probably the equivalent of 70-100 books a years. Not the most highbrow, but I genuinely think that’s what’s made me quite discerning as an adult. Just because they’re in their phone, doesn’t mean they aren’t reading.

There are also so many other sources of information now: so many informative YouTube videos, podcasts (some of which I’ve listened to and found them almost indistinguishable from an audiobook) that maybe their information comes from other places that are more engaging to them right now. Also to think about: why is it so important to you that they are reading? I view reading as not dissimilar to swimming: important that that know how to do it, but then it’s up to them. If they have access to books and are confident readers, then that’s your job done.

Thanks everyone I’m glad it’s not just me. I don’t mind them playing computer games but I think it’s important they read actual books too. I don’t read myself no, I know it sounds hypocritical but I was a bookworm up until the age of 14/15 when I was more into boys than anything else, and would love for them to read the books I enjoyed at their ages and use their imagination a bit more.

Also it’s not just for outside of school for fun, it’s also part of their homework and they refuse to read them or tell their teachers they read a book they already know well to get out of it. It’s not something I can force on them as others have said so I’m a bit lost how to handle it.

No everyone must read War and Peace or else 🤣

I wouldn’t push it. If you push it they may well push back to rebel, if you let them come back to it on their own time they probably will. They’re only young, plenty of time for them to rediscover a love of reading.

i get why you want them to, some people just aren’t into reading and that’s fine but if they previously loved it, it’d be a shame if they didn’t go back to it. I’d just make sure there’s always books available to them.

There’s a lot of questions here, and I hope it doesn’t sound aggy but these are just things to think about. Why is it important that they read books but you don’t read books? What do you think they would get from a ‘paper book’ that they aren’t getting from their current lives? And why isn’t that important to you too? Sorry for all the questions, but why don’t you read? I think the thing you could do which would most encourage your children to read, is to read yourself. If reading isn’t worth your time (as it must have been at least the best part of twenty years since you read), why do you think it should be worth your children’s?

I feel the same, OP. I was an avid reader as a child and still am (time permitting). My children (12 and 13) aren't interested now, although I always read to them when they were small. I know you can't force it on them but I can't help feeling that they're missing out! One thing I tried was sitting together for half an hour, DS reads his book and I read mine and then we talk about what we've read and he has enjoyed that. But if I didn't suggest it, I don't think he'd pick up a book himself. I just hope they come back to it later in life!

Would they still like to be read to? What about audiobooks? You can borrow audiobooks from the library, so no cost necessary.

My DS still enjoys a bedtime story. He's 13, but doesn't read anything much to himself. DD will read when she wants to, but it is rare these days, is very busy with studying and enjoys her phone or a film on down time.

We all mainly read at bedtime now. Phones all live downstairs, we bought everyone alarm clocks. DD15 is on Tiktok far too much in the day, but once the phone go downstairs she still reads to get to sleep.

Our 13 year old still has stories most nights, but he doesn't like fiction and I think we will struggle to maintain him reading long term.

DC don't really see us reading much, but we talk about what we are reading and swap books with DD, take library books out for ourselves, and I keep a book list each year.

Toast-I just remember how much I loved reading at their age and it gave me a break from school and the pressure of being a teen. I’m a relaxed parent so I don’t mind the phone use or games but they both loved reading up until recently and I see it as good for children to have some quiet time out and step away from technology. I don’t read now because I’m not interested in any of the typical stories or themes for adults, like romance or thriller etc, I also have adhd so lose interest very quickly in anything that doesn’t keep me moving, so reading or watching tv is difficult for me. It’s certainly not a ‘war and peace’ thing where I expect them to read certain books for their bucket list 😆just the usual Jacqueline Wilson, David walliams, Roald Dahl have been great for them over the years. I’ll have a chat with them tonight and consider having books in the car or a group read or similar to what others have suggested, thank you all

The phone will always win if there's a choice. I don't give mine a choice. Phones downstairs at bedtime then they read before bed. They do it willingly as they're used to it.

The 14 year old may be too old by now, but the 11 year old is the right age to offer bed time now or you can read in bed for half an hour. It's amazing how great reading is when it's that or going to sleep.