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Original poster

To be exhausted having to tell everyone what to do when it should just be obvious!

17 replies

confusedlots · 16/05/2022 19:00

Admittedly 2 of the people I'm talking about are my 2 young children so I get that's just part of parenting, but after a day of having to tell children to go to the toilet because we're heading out somewhere, to put on their shoes because we're leaving the house, to put on their school clothes because it's time to go to school etc, I just feel exhausted stating the obvious!

Then DH comes home and quite clearly sees an elderly relative struggling with carrying something heavy and just stands there until I say to him could he offer to help? He knows someone is coming to cut the grass and it should be obvious that the table and chairs we had on the grass at the weekend will need to be moved, but he'll not do it unless I ask him to. Yes I know I could these things myself but I'm doing everything else! And it wouldn't cross his mind to say to the kids that it's bedtime now and to start getting ready for bed, they'd still be running around an hour later if I didn't say anything.

Just feeling exhausted with having to state the bloody obvious all the time!

OP posts:
CurleyMango · 16/05/2022 20:04

Yup, I with you, it’s hard work and so boring, why can’t they anticipate….

ErrolTheDragon · 16/05/2022 20:10

YANBU- it's called mental load.

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Original poster
confusedlots · 16/05/2022 21:04

@ErrolTheDragon that sketch has it spot on. I think it's made worse when you have children, because you're pushed to the edge with the relentless having to ask the obvious all day long (which is fine, they're only young). But it can easily push you over the edge when DH comes home and behaves the same way. Like seriously, if you saw an elderly relative struggling with something, would you not think to see if you could help, without having to be asked?

OP posts:
ChiselandBits · 16/05/2022 22:08

Let me guess, when you raise this with him he sad all you have to do is ask, tell him to do x, y, z and he will, completely missing the point that you want him to just know, the same way you do. I'm a single parent so it always falls to me, which has its own drawbacks but at least I don't have that seething resentment of someone who should be an equal partner just not getting it.

anewername · 16/05/2022 22:31

This is why I'm broken by the school runs. No one can do anything, especially not quickly.

Original poster
confusedlots · 16/05/2022 22:35

@ChiselandBits yes totally. DH sometimes is away with work for a few days at a time, and I know it sounds bad but I find myself much calmer when he's away, I get on with things because I know it all falls to me, and in all honestly things tend to run a lot smoother.

OP posts:
Thefaroeislands · 16/05/2022 22:42

Yep. Kids (read Hurrah for Gin), husband, colleagues, cleaner, the world.

upnorthsomewhere · 16/05/2022 22:58

It's exhausting. I feel your pain op. Every. Single. Day.
DH is away here and there too and yes life is easier without him around. I can't rely on him when he's not there so it forces me to be more organized and do things myself ahead of time rather than barking at the children and him every minute of every day.

PussInBin20 · 16/05/2022 23:05

I feel your pain.

Just lately I’m really fed up with opening and shutting the bloody curtains. Like every night I go round closing them all and every morning, there I am opening them all again! I don’t know why it’s suddenly bothering me as I’ve been doing it for literally years and it’s like it’s just occurred to me - why do I do it? No-one else is bothered it seems, if we just sit in the dark all day!
It’s got to the point where I am yanking those bloody things across the window plus we have blinds as well! Am so fed up doing it. Anyone else?

mackthepony · 16/05/2022 23:09

Don't even get me started on this.

DH had guests over - his guests. We sat outside. 3 guests. We are four people who live in our house, so you need 7 chairs, right......?

Did he think to add another 3 chairs to the table so they could sit down?

Did he offer them a fucking drink?

No, he just sat his fat ass down at the table ( so only leaving 2 chairs available). Didn't offer them a drink or nothing!

Good job I'm a semi decent hostess!

Ffs

HerRoyalNotness · 16/05/2022 23:19

You’re not wrong.

i’ll say ok then kids bedtime and make moves to get them sorted. Then he’ll jump up and say I’ll do that, ermmm I’m already doing it so thanks for the fake offer. See also dishes and cooking meals. Lots of what are we having, what is there to cook. Look in the fucking fridge.

we were all sick just after Xmas and as we were all lounging I said someone will have to get tested. <crickets> ahem, someone will have to get tested. So yep it’s me, get the appointment and book 2/3 kids in to check before school goes back, I take them, get myself tested. 3 positives. Oh I thought it was a cold he says. We’ll just as well I got them bloody tested so they didn’t spread it at school. Oh. Yeah.

what is the point of them?

HerRoyalNotness · 16/05/2022 23:24

I wasn’t even going to call him when I had a fall at home and hurt myself (he works away). Tbf I didn’t realise how badly I’d hurt myself, my friend ended up calling him to come home, and I thought why bother? In the end after surgery I had to come off the good drugs and get my shit together as he was so stressed after a week he wanted to go back to work. He’d been working from home and keeping a preschooler entertained while I was out of it (most of the day she snuggled with me and watched movies). Didn’t even occur to him to take it as holiday pay so he wasn’t so stressed. So yep, had to look after 3 kids, so all the meals, washing, etc.. get myself to physio all with reduced mobility. But like always I do just got on with it (with a little help from a couple of friends)

Nuisancepenguin · 16/05/2022 23:35

Curtains wind me up as well, in fact they bring my piss to a boil. I seem to be the only one capable of opening curtains, closing them, deciding when DD should have a bath, remembering when it’s bin day, sending birthday cards, feeding our cat, replying to birthday party invitations, remembering when DD has PE… the list goes on. There’s a Motherland episode about “Mother’s load”, it pretty much sums up the mental load a lot of us end up carrying, mother or not.

beechie12 · 16/05/2022 23:37

I hear you. My Dh is also excellent at pretending to listen and saying yes/no at right times and then not having a clue what we just talked about.

PickAChew · 16/05/2022 23:41

I feign not caring about curtains and genuinely can't reach the blinds in our bay window but if I don't do the dining room curtains, dh will - but won't check that the side window next to the dryer and airer is closed

RedSoloCup · 17/05/2022 06:53

It doesn't get any better when the kids get older either, you just get madder 🙈😂

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