How were you friendships affected when you got pregnant/had children?

[Allthesweets]

Hi everyone,

I'm 36 yo, pregnant with my first and feel like there is a lot of change going on in my friendships. Some of that was necessary, I have in the past chosen friends who weren't good for me - negative comments, putting me down, party lifestyle - and this pregnancy has brought that to the fore, so I am distancing myself from some of them. Some of them still don't have children of their own and I feel a gap starting in our friendship because we're on different pathways. I also moved home to be away from London and settle down a bit a few years ago, so I naturally have less friends here. Many of my friends back in London are still child-free, going out, and travelling, so I naturally don't see them as much etc.

I just wondered if or how anyone else's friendships have been affected by pregnancy/having children?

Thanks x

As our lives move along sometimes we have friends and it suits both sides to be friends for part of those lives. Other friends are true lifelong friends, no matter how often you see them, distance or circumstances. Not easy, but if a relationship isn't working and you can't see anyway of improving it, let it go.

When I had DD, I had a lifetime friend who'd had a baby 7 months before so that fitted in great. I kept in touch with a colleague from work for a while and a couple of other friends but that drifted.

Moving forward, I still have my lifelong friend (20 years!) - we don't see too much of eachother now but definitely my friend. After DD was born I met a couple of girls at mother and toddler and saw a lot of them until DD went to school, and it drifted a bit - also joined an NCT group - don't see so much of them now but we still whatsapp, meet up ocasionally. I met a group of Mum's through school and five are definitely lifelong friends - we still have our children in common (they're now 20) but so much more. I also have another lifelong friend who I met through work at our local school.

Although, things aren't working with some of your friends, hopefully you'll see from what I've said that having a baby gives you a great opportunity to meet others - you'll have children in common first, but easy to build on.

When I had my first DC (now aged 16), two of my closest friends were child-free. We also moved out of London when DC1 was a year old making things harder geographically, Both went on to have children eventually, but not for another 4 years. We have stayed good friends throughout, but it does take a bit of compromise on both sides. I also made lots of new friends through baby groups, other school mums etc. Both are good! It's great to have local friends with DC the same age as yours, but I also really value my old friendships from years ago and hope not to lose them.