Today DM goes into a residential home.

[Soupsetscared]

DM has dementia. In the last few months had a nasty accident which brought home to me and my family that she wasn't able to live on her own anymore.
She is now scared of the phone, oven, microwave and even the shower.
With help (hardly any) from Social services I have found a residential home near to where she lives.
She is aware that she is going in but is very distressed one minute and scared the next.
Yesterday I packed her clothes. This morning it's getting a few knick knacks for her to take.
I'm sure others have been in the same situation. Has anyone got any tips to make it easy for her and me.

@Soupsetscared Its different for everyone. But i will say when we put my mum who has dementia in a home after a year of me trying to keep her out. I realised quickly it was the best decision for my mum and for our whole family. And now we all visit her every week and all she does is smile instead of being angry or upset or scared. I hope it all works out for you

I took in a lot of her furniture, her favourite comfy chair, bookcase with books in it, 2 lamps, her bed cover and loads of photos. Some the home handyman put up on the wall, others we scattered on surfaces. It was almost like a mini lounge from home. It massively helped her settle in and gave the staff something to chat with her about. “ oh didn’t you look lovely on your wedding day?” “Are these your grandchildren ?” Etc

Try and point out the positives to her. I know it's hard but honestly living in residential care isn't always bad. My nan loved where she lived. They do try to make it nice for the residents even if some of them don't really understand where they are.

They had large group dinners in the main dining room daily although you didn't have to go if you preferred to microwave something in your flat instead, a huge garden where they did bbqs once a month through the summer, bingo night on Saturdays. She had a better bloody social life than I did!

She will be safe now but its a big step, she will settle there after a few days when she gets to know the staff.
Practically i would... label all her clothes, they will be put in a communal wash and if she is new the staff wont know what is hers, take any medication she is on, any medical details, power of attorney paperwork, toiletries, continence pads if she uses them, a few food treats that she enjoys like biscuits.
Take some photos, magazines, a comforter if she uses one.
When she arrives the staff should fill in a careplan which you can help with and maybe a this is me type of document which helps them get to know her.

She's going to be safe, and that's the only focus. I worked in care for quite a few years, and people with dementia are far safer in care homes than their own.

Label her clothes as a PP said, take in photos and some familiar objects especially pillows/blankets. People become "institutionalised" very quickly in care homes, as meals are served at the same time every day, getting up/going to bed and the whole routine becomes very comforting especially for people with dementia.

It will be far more distressing for you than it will your Mum, honestly