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Why am I finding this man so attractive?

24 replies

Smartsub · 15/05/2022 16:29

I should say we're both single in what seems to be a small pool, so that helps. [Grin]

I'm a MC, middle aged professional, living my best life. Grown up fully employed children, a professional job that I don't have to work that hard at these days, own my home mortgage free, a large social circle through various hobbies and interests.

He's a few years younger than me, but doesn't look it, predominantly, I'd guess, because he's had a hard life. Kicked out of school at 14 and of home at 16, too much drink and drugs, very physical work. He's been clean for a decade now, has no contact with family, lives in a caravan with his 5 dogs, works in an unskilled job. Far too thin.

Conversationally, he's clearly not educated, but he's bright and kind and funny. He doesn't have much, but is always keen to pay his way when we're out with friends.

We have nothing in common, I've no intention of moving him into my home (just in case you were wondering about his living arrangements) but there's somenthing about him...

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Greensleeves · 15/05/2022 16:31

You say he's bright and kind and funny. That's attractive, no? I don't see why there needs to be any other explanation.

As to whether he's "relationship material", that depends on what your personal criteria are, how aspirational you require your partners to be, etc. It's entirely subjective.

DramaAlpaca · 15/05/2022 16:31

I'd guess that it has something to do with him being so very different to you! Opposites attract and all that.

Hawkins001 · 15/05/2022 16:32

Polarized attraction ?

TinaYouFatLard · 15/05/2022 16:33

Is the small pool making him a more attractive option?

Pieceofpurplesky · 15/05/2022 16:33

Bright, kind, funny. Clearly it materialistic and loves dogs.
What's not to like?

Pieceofpurplesky · 15/05/2022 16:33

*not

mackthepony · 15/05/2022 16:38

Sounds fabulous

Just kiss him and see?

thistimelastweek · 15/05/2022 16:39

Bright and kind and funny is pretty attractive.

Way better than a high earning inconsiderate bore.

hattie43 · 15/05/2022 16:41

He is a dog lover , that's all I'd need to know . People live in all sorts of places and I wouldn't judge . If you enjoy his company why not .

However . If it does go further protect yourself financially.

Smartsub · 15/05/2022 16:41

I don't even like dogs. The thought of a caravan full of them makes me shudder. I can only imagine what it smells like 😆

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Smartsub · 15/05/2022 16:42

Oh and yes, I realise he's much nicer than I am.

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Basketet · 15/05/2022 16:43

Bright, kind, funny and attractive. Unconventional lifestyle. That's a nice combo. And as pp says, better than a high earners who's a bore. The only thing that would put me off is being unemployed.

Smartsub · 15/05/2022 16:45

I don't judge that caravan, in fact I've often felt that as a single person it's a near perfect place to live. Like a flat, with similar upkeep, but detached!

I also feel a bit "proud" of how hard he works and that he does work after his start in life. I work with excluded children and know what the script is for many of them. Actually this is probably part of the reason I have a soft spot for him, isn't it? He's mid 40s BTW, not that young.

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hattie43 · 15/05/2022 16:54

Smartsub · 15/05/2022 16:41

I don't even like dogs. The thought of a caravan full of them makes me shudder. I can only imagine what it smells like 😆

Have you been there .
Any home with dogs doesn't have to smell .

ToastedCrumpetwithCheese · 15/05/2022 16:58

He's kind and fun, why not enjoy his company and see what happens?

Smartsub · 15/05/2022 17:01

hattie43 · 15/05/2022 16:54

Have you been there .
Any home with dogs doesn't have to smell .

I know that and no I haven't been but he was telling me this morning that one of the dogs isn't allowed the share his bed because she has bladder issues. The idea of any dog in a bed is not attractive to me, let alone 4 of them and one leaky one on the floor!

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CorsicaDreaming · 15/05/2022 17:13

You work with excluded children and have found a grown up one that's actually doing okay and works hard and is kind and funny. It validates what you do all day? A concrete example that makes it feel worthwhile.

And if most circles you move in are "the usual"
(Whatever that is) middle class kind of stuff, then this is an exciting and refreshing change.

I would just enjoy his company, not take anything too fast, and see where it goes if it were me.

OnlyClothes · 15/05/2022 17:15

There’s nothing you’ve said that would put me off, and plenty you’ve said that is very attractive to me.

like someone said, protect your assets.

go for it!

Smartsub · 15/05/2022 18:08

My parents would hate him 😆

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topshotta · 15/05/2022 18:39

The way u describe him makes u sound like ur looking down on him tbf there's nothing wrong with any of those things you described about him, why shouldn't you be attracted to him? go for it

Smartsub · 15/05/2022 18:44

topshotta · 15/05/2022 18:39

The way u describe him makes u sound like ur looking down on him tbf there's nothing wrong with any of those things you described about him, why shouldn't you be attracted to him? go for it

I don't think I'm looking down on him. I admire anyone who makes a decent life from a difficult start, but there's nothing "eligible" about him, so I've surprised myself. But then I'm not looking for a life partner or a father for my children 😆

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Loopytiles · 15/05/2022 18:48

Just sounds like sexual chemistry.

If you would only want a partner with a stable housing and financial situation - not U IMO! - wouldn’t ‘go there’ in the first place.

TabithaTittlemouse · 15/05/2022 18:49

Is he interested in you?
What is stopping you from trying? Have fun!

Smartsub · 15/05/2022 18:55

TabithaTittlemouse · 15/05/2022 18:49

Is he interested in you?
What is stopping you from trying? Have fun!

It's only occurred to me as a possibility recently. I know him as part of a group that's important to me so I don't want to do anything to mess that up.

He didn't know DH, as he's a more recent joiner, but the rest of them did and I think I'm a bit concerned that they might judge me "moving on" or they might be thrilled for me. Maybe some of each.

I also suspect I'm not the only woman in the group who's noticed him and I don't want any friction there either.

I've no idea if he's interested. He's one of those people who makes everyone think he's interested in them.

So whilst I'm curious about what 's behind the attraction, I'm not convinced it would be good to pursue it.

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