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Original poster

How do you let it be known you might be interested in the odd date?

15 replies

Smartsub · 15/05/2022 13:52

I'm so out of touch.

I married young, a man I met in my teens and stayed married for 30 years....until he died. Maybe it wasn't the same for everyone, but it was definitely the man's job to "ask" in my world back then.

I have a wide social circle and have a lovely groups of friends and associates around various mutual interests, both men and women.

When I was married the men were perfectly lovely friends, but I never had any inappropriate approaches. Since DH died, some have been a bit more attentive than they were when I was married, but none of the single ones has tried to move anything forward.

Of course it's entirely possible they see me only as a friend and wouldn't be interested in anything else, but is there any way to make myself "available" without looking desperate or setting myself to be embarrassed?

I'm not looking for any serious relationship, but I am starting to feel a few fun dates would be a welcome addition to my life.

OP posts:
Original poster
Smartsub · 15/05/2022 16:17

Oh dear Grin

OP posts:
Gottoomuchgoingon · 15/05/2022 17:23

Lots of ways to show an interest but it depends on you and the man.
How old are you?

LauraNicolaides · 15/05/2022 17:26

I mean couldn't you just suggest meeting up for a coffee?

Original poster
Smartsub · 15/05/2022 17:31

LauraNicolaides · 15/05/2022 17:26

I mean couldn't you just suggest meeting up for a coffee?

I've been out for coffee and drinks several times. I've even been dancing and to the theatre, but no one seems to have taken it as anything more than friendship. I think they're all trying to be respectful or maybe they're not interested, but they're always willing to come and sometimes they invite me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Smartsub · 15/05/2022 17:32

Gottoomuchgoingon · 15/05/2022 17:23

Lots of ways to show an interest but it depends on you and the man.
How old are you?

Early 50s

OP posts:
Sapphirensteel · 15/05/2022 17:32

I’ve got two tickets for theatre or cinema or something local.
I’m having a few friends around for drinks, supper, bbq, whatever.

( don’t know why I’m advising, not been on a date since DP died)

Original poster
Smartsub · 15/05/2022 17:33

Sapphirensteel · 15/05/2022 17:32

I’ve got two tickets for theatre or cinema or something local.
I’m having a few friends around for drinks, supper, bbq, whatever.

( don’t know why I’m advising, not been on a date since DP died)

Yes, I've done all of these and we've always had a good time, but it's never been or felt like "a date".

OP posts:
Original poster
Smartsub · 15/05/2022 17:34

The two tickets thing I've also had people say to me, but again a lovely friendly evening but nothing more.

OP posts:
Andylion · 15/05/2022 17:43

Smartsub · 15/05/2022 17:31

I've been out for coffee and drinks several times. I've even been dancing and to the theatre, but no one seems to have taken it as anything more than friendship. I think they're all trying to be respectful or maybe they're not interested, but they're always willing to come and sometimes they invite me.

Show quote history

OP, so you are interested in being more than friends with these men, changing the nature of your relationship with them?

I think it might be better to start dating outside the friendship group.

MadamOracle · 15/05/2022 17:47

Honestly, I think dating outside your friendship group might be a better idea. Wouldn’t it be awkward if things didn’t work out?

mintybobs · 15/05/2022 17:52

My Tips:

  1. Positive Affirmations. Feeling sexy starts from within, so tell yourself daily, "I am an attractive, confident, sexy, approachable woman". Repeat as many times as you can daily. The more you do it, the more you'll believe it.
  2. During conversation with someone you are interested in, lightly touch their arm- this increases connection/desire (if its already there)
  3. Mirror their body language- studies have shown that this makes people feel instantly at ease and more comfortable in your presence.
  4. Visualise. I cannot emphasise how effective this is. Visualise the kind of encounters/approaches you would like then create them in your imagination as if it were real. FEEL it as it you were experiencing it.
  5. Relax and have FUN. Try not to focus too much on why isnt it happening and just do the above. I can guarantee you'll have more men than you can shake a stick at soon!
WhyCantPeopleBeNice · 15/05/2022 17:55

There's a couple of potential issues.
It could be they don't know you're interested in dating, or they could have sent signals out that you didn't pick up on.

I'd actually recommend trying online dating.
1 - you go on dates, can be awkward, you can find your feet without it being a friend or someone you currently like. You may also surprise yourself and find someone nice.
2 - Talk about the online dates, the bad, the funny - soon those male friends will realise you are open to the idea of another man (or two!) And may well ask you on an actual date

Just remember safety - always tell someone you're going and treat it as light entertainment, there's SO many odd ones out there and the odd diamond in the rough!

DisplayPurposesOnly · 15/05/2022 17:58

Approach it obliquely. Start a conversation or two with one or two friends (male and female) - I'd like to meet someone, how do people meet new partners these days...

... They'll talk to you about online dating (OLD) (which you should investigate anyway) and you can ask if they have any nice friends that they can introduce you to...

... and the single men in your social circle will learn you're open to offers. Currently they think you are off limits and or not interested.

If there's one you are specifically interested in, then invite him to something, especially if you've never spent time 1:1 before. Are you free on Saurday? How about a coffee/ do you fancy that [film, show, exhibition], how about a trip to ...?

DisplayPurposesOnly · 15/05/2022 18:03

I crossposted with you, but I think you have to get the message out that you're 'looking'.

Also there's a long running support thread on the Relationships board about online dating that you could read/join. (It might put you off... 😂)

Gottoomuchgoingon · 15/05/2022 20:25

You're young enough I assumed you were almost 80.
Just ask someone out if you fancy them. It's perfectly acceptable

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