Write it off?

[WingingIt101]

Yesterday a friend and her new partner came to stay with DH and I.
They were only staying because we live near a venue they wanted to go to but they live 3 hours away from.
I used to live with her and we get along well but rarely get to see each other in person and I hadn't met her new partner yet, so I thought it would be lovely to catch up as a bonus of them wanting to visit the area.

When we made the arrangements we agreed we would get a takeaway as a treat. On the face of it we are more comfortable financially than they are, however she also knows that we are feeling the pressure of the rising costs, and have a baby on the way so the worry of covering a maternity leave without an income.

I text her in the morning saying how much I was looking forward to seeing them, could I get anything specific in to drink or for breakfast, and did they have an idea what food they might fancy for dinner.
The reply was a selection of soft drinks, some beer and they had a real craving for Indian.

So I got in a selection of drinks as they'd asked for and we ordered the takeaway. They ordered considerably more than we did - sides and starters and left a lot of it (not really relevant that they left it, just annoys me more!).
DH had to go and collect it so I gave him my card - it was £80 (about £50 to them £30 to us) But they offered nothing at the time DH went to get it, or when he got back, or since. We had expected to go halves. If they had paid we would have been straight to the cash point or online banking.

I feel SO tight asking for half the money. But we can't really afford to cover their half - if we had £80 spare we would have booked a babysitter and gone out the two of us, not paid for someone else's! I'd have cooked something for a fraction of the cost if I Had thought they wouldn't pay their share.

They did give me a bunch of flowers when they arrived which look very expensive so it feels really rude to then ask for their half of the dinner bill - what would you do? Chalk it up to idiot tax and know better next time to get their money before we go and pick it up, or message something along the lines of "I've just realised we didn't sort the money for the curry - could you send me your half when you have a minute?"

If I am hosting friends, I assume it's my responsibility to feed and water them. If we're a bit short on cash that month, I don't offer a takeaway on the basis they might not pay half. So I just cook instead.

If it were me, I'd absolutely offer to go halves but they probably just assumed it was your treat. I'd personally just write it off and next time, just cook.

Main thing is, did you have a nice time apart from that? If so, then it was worth it (even if it sucks a bit)

How much do you need the £40? I would message if you need it.

I disagree with posters here. They stayed at yours, and as a thank you they should have at least paid for half

I would never assume someone was buying me a takeaway. If you had gone out for food would they have thought you were paying?! Also cheeky to ask you to get beers they should have brought their own. I'd chalk it up but be annoyed.

I really feel that it's a conversation you needed to have before, not after. You asked what they wanted, they told you. If you'd needed money for a take away, that's when I'd ask, when they told me that's what they fancied. Calling you after they've gone gone and asking for £50 out of the blue isn't something I'd do.

Leave it now. Its not worth the aggro over £50

But next time, with whoever, make sure you explain that you need the bill split as you're struggling a bit financially

If you had invited them to stay with you and they were independently visiting you to visit you in itself then I would say you were hosting and you pay.

However, in this situation they asked you if they could stay at yours to save hotel money therefore different to the above and they should carry on normal protocol and split.

Therefore they are cheeky fuckers

£80

On a takeaway?

For 4 people?

Blimey that is steep and I'm in London.

I think you have to write it off though? You've missed any real opportunity to ask for their half.

As a guest I'd have paid though. That is absolutely standard for my circle of friends. If someone puts you up, you take them out for dinner / buy the takeaway etc.

As you were offering them somewhere to stay free of charge so they could visit the venue then as the guest they should have paid, I know I would and have paid for takeaway if someone is offering me a place to stay for the night.

it’s very rude of them not to even offer to go half.

I would definitely message and say that the food bill hadn’t been sorted can they send you half the money to cover it.

I know! £9 per main but his was £12 as he wanted the king prawn version.
Then £2.50 per naan and rice. So DH and I were really only about £23/24 of it but they ordered so many sides and extras! They asked if we fancied anything like that and we said no thank you we would have main and share rice and naan! Would still have happily split down the middle as that's the standard in our group.

Glad to hear others would be a bit miffed but also wouldn't ask for it! Have left it and next time will just say we will cook as I could have made us a curry with all the sides for about £20!!

Worse things happen I guess!