Is there something wrong with me?

[lavidaloca1]

I have a 21 month old and a 12 week old baby.

Every evening, my husband brings our toddler to bed and I make our baby fall asleep and put her down in her cot once she's asleep.

She's been asleep for half an hour, I put her upstairs in her cot, secure in her sleeping bag. Afterwards, I sat downstairs in the living room and scrolled through mumsnet.

All of a sudden I got this immense panic because I didn't know where my daughter was - I totally forgot I've just put her upstairs. So I ran upstairs in a panic, and there she was, sleeping securely in her cot.

I remember I had this feeling once when my son was a baby. I left him with my parents and I went to have a nap. When I woke up I panicked because he wasn't there and I forgot I left him with my parents.

I worry there is something wrong with me.

Has this happened to anyone else? The incident with my son I can kind of excuse, because I had been asleep.

But this time I have been wide awake.

Yes, I felt this way a few times when DC were tiny, usually when I was exhausted.

I used to have it in the mornings when I woke up - big panic where's the baby - then see baby sleeping in cot where supposed to be.

I experienced this often when my boys were tiny, I think it's common for tired, overwhelmed parents.
I occasionally experience it now even though my DC are 9 and 15, I'll be walking to work and suddenly panic that I've forgotten to take my youngest to breakfast club even though I dropped him off 30 minutes before! It usually happens when I have a lot on my mind and feel like I'm dropping balls left, right and centre.

Similar happened to me when DD was a baby. I would wake up in the night panicking that she was in our bed and we had rolled on her. We never co slept so it was completely irrational. It happened a lot and and then as she got older it stopped. I figured it was just bad dreams/lack of sleep and my conscience conspiring against me.

Weirdly though something not dissimilar started when we moved house quite a few years later. I would wake up panicking I had forgotten something or someone and they were kind off trapped in a a part of the house because I had forgotten about them. Very weird.

This has happened to me too, so don't assume something is wrong with you. Sleep deprivation can and does cause utterly CRAZY things to happen. Often waaaaay crazier than this.

I know you're an experienced mum and I don't mean to be critical, however a 12 week old baby shouldn't be in a different room from you for sleep. The Lullaby Trust strongly recommend babies sleep in the same room and in close proximity to their parent(s) whilst observing safe sleep advice at the same time. Again, not meaning to be critical but just making you aware of this.

I remember driving along and suddenly panicking as DS wasn't in his car seat and nearly crying because I thought I'd left him at home. Actually I'd dropped him at ILs. He's 20 and I still remember that utter panic I felt in that moment!

Also would have dreams that I was wandering happily round town and would then remember I'd left the baby at home alone, and wake with a start.

I think that's fairly normal and probably down to being tired.

I used to wake up in the night in a panic because I couldn't find DD. DH used to have to reassure me that she was sleeping in her basket right next to the bed. Then she'd inevitably wake up and I'd spend the next hour or so cursing my instincts because they'd lost me valuable sleep. (I also once tried to put a bib on DH at 3am, and was very annoyed that it wouldn't fit.)

Never did that with DS (second born) though. Either I was less tired, less bothered or was just used to having a child by then!

Yes. I woke to an empty cot and ran downstairs in a panic. Then remembered DC was sleeping at Granny's house 🙄

Perfectly normal. I occasionally have this now with my youngest.. .usually when he is off doing other things. I get busy then suddenly remember I have to collect him - not yet but later - and panic because I had forgotten about him. He's now 10 and I haven't ever really forgotten him..

Ive had this

Ive even gone to wake teen recently, he'd not been in room search downstairs nope. Panic then realised he was away with his df and had been for 5 days!

Its always when im shattered

I've done this too, particularly because mine co-slept and on the rare occasions they went in the cot I'd wake up in a panic wondering where the baby was! I actually did this the other night, woke up freaking out because toddler wasn't in the bed, only to remember he was in his own room. I had to go check though!

Sleep deprivation and hormones can do strange things to us. Poor Dh once got a fright thinking he’d lost 8 week old dd at soft play once.
I watched him look round pacific stricken and ask ‘where’s dd?!’ He was actually cradling her in his arms.

@Squiff70 where did OP say she had put the baby in its own room? She said she had taken it upstairs and put into the cot.
Yes this has happened to me when my DC were babies too, it's an awful feeling. I do think it's very much down to sleep deprivation and changing hormones.

Perhaps it could be symptomatic of a deeper emotional /psychological issue. I found since becoming a parent it brought up lots of my own traumas and went to see a psychotherapist which helped make sense of my behaviours and reactions etc.

"She's been asleep for half an hour, I put her upstairs in her cot, secure in her sleeping bag. Afterwards, I sat downstairs in the living room..."

Err, right there.

@Squiff70 errr, that says she put her In her cot, doesn't say the cot is not in their bedroom where they sleep.

I sometimes wake up and walk to the bathroom.

You're missing my point entirely. It doesn't matter where upstairs the cot is - the advice is that below 6 months, a baby should sleep in the same room as their parent(s) - NOT just overnight but for daytime naps and evening bedtime too, so should not be left upstairs if parent(s) are downstairs and vice versa. Have baby asleep downstairs with you, then when you go upstairs to bed, take baby with you.

My husband sleeps in the same room as my toddler, I sleep in the same room as the baby, so they don't wake each other up.

No, I am not always with the baby when it is napping. It is not possible - this way I would never be able to cook, go to the toilet or have a shower. Sometimes I also need some time to unwind in the evening with a cup of tea before I join my baby to sleep.

I make it as safe as possible though - baby is in a sleeping bag on its back with its feet touching the bottom of the cot. There's no loose blankets in the cot. I leave all doors open in the house.

There is no 100 % safety. Things can also happen whilst you're in deep sleep and your baby is in the cot in the same room.

You sound very sensible OP 😊

I think the panic is just over tiredness, new baby brain etc ,you sit down for 5 mins and relax and your brain just kicks in to mummy gear just in case you've forgotten about the baby! I remember it well.

Sounds perfectly normal to me.

My daughter, when she was a baby, used to sleep in the day in a little basket on a table next to the sofa. I'd put her down and let her have a nap, I'd be sat right beside here and if have a nap or read or whatever.

This one day, Id had lovely long nap, woke up, looked into the basket to check on her, she wasn't there... I kinda freaked out and panicked.. until I remembered it was OHs day off and they'd taken Daughter to their mums.. d'oh! I felt a bit silly about it at the time tbh.

Yes! I'd regularly think I'd fallen asleep with baby in the bed, which I never did and id leap out of bed and strip it trying to find her and she was asleep on her cot the whole time. It's the exhaustion