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Original poster

Anyone there to speak to?

24 replies

iminthebath12 · 14/05/2022 16:52

Hello, can anyone help? I am having a panic attack, I have 2 under 2 babies to look after, my partner won't come home from his night out to help me through this. I know I have to leave him. I don't want to talk to my mum as she will be sick of this now, I need to leave him but it's so scary

OP posts:

Myworhl · 14/05/2022 16:54

Hello not sure what helps but just seen your post

KangarooKenny · 14/05/2022 16:54

You just need to concentrate on getting through tonight. Make sure you are all fed and clean, and get the kids to bed t the usual time.
And remember to breathe.

bloodywhitecat · 14/05/2022 16:55

What can we do to help?

BHX3000 · 14/05/2022 16:56

Hello, we’re here.

First of all, breathe. Deep breath, count to 5, deep breath, repeat a few times.

Take it one step at a time.

What time is it where you are? How long until the babies are asleep? When you have some more time, you can tell us about your situation if you’d like.

You can do this. Just breathe, deep breaths.

heldinadream · 14/05/2022 16:57

Hey OP I'm here and offering you a virtual hand hold.
Can you say anything about why you think you must leave?
And if your mum's no help, have you got anywhere to go? 💐

giftswap2021 · 14/05/2022 17:01

Wonder if this might help, it's the 54321 method?

Blackbird2020 · 14/05/2022 17:01

We’re here…

Can you play this whilst the 2 little ones are nearby? It’s a YouTube video that helps people get through panic attacks when they are alone….

m.youtube.com/watch?v=pJWY3Bkkaew

Original poster

iminthebath12 · 14/05/2022 17:04

Thank you it's made me emotional that total strangers would do this. The babies should go to bed in a couple of hours, I'm in the uk

OP posts:

Myworhl · 14/05/2022 17:05

iminthebath12 like your choice of user name, any reason for it or was it just random? Personally I like a nice calm soak rather than a shower. So many people don’t bother now do they? I don’t know if we’re helping in any way but we’re here with you.

Theblackdogagain · 14/05/2022 17:07

I've had panic attacks alone with my kids, it's more scary knowing you have to be the responsible adult. Firstly if the kids are fed, watered and safe you need to self care. For me uts hot chocolate and my weighted blanket. I can stay here and feel free to talk. No judging at all.

Myworhl · 14/05/2022 17:08

Oh hello can you start thinking of something nice that you have wanted to do for when the little ones are in bed? Maybe the links that others have posted until you can.

Theblackdogagain · 14/05/2022 17:08

Also right now concentrate on getting through each minute, time will pass. Tomorrow hopefully you will feel stronger to make long term plans but today just survive!

OldTinHat · 14/05/2022 17:10

Two under 2 can be overwhelming! But, despite how you're feeling right now, it sounds like you're being an amazing mum because your focus is on your babies.

Lots of calming, deep breaths. Get through their bedtime routine, breathing deeply. One minute at a time, no more. Just this one minute. Then the next will follow.

These are the important things. You. Your babies. You can do this, just slow and steady and breathe.

Original poster

iminthebath12 · 14/05/2022 17:26

I can't thank everyone enough. I'm not having a panic attack anymore as you guys have distracted me. I'm just so upset now. My boyfriend never puts my needs first, he is repeatedly selfish and emotionally manipulative, often quite controlling as well.

The babies will be in bed late as they had a late nap. His family are up north so they came to visit and we went on a little walk in the lovely weather. 2 mins before they arrived he announced that he would be going on a night out with one of the family members and not coming home until tomorrow midday. He has been staying at his dads all week to get some space from us (I agreed to this, I have just had an abortion and terrible morning sickness with the pregnancy and he said I was too much hard work basically, we almost broke up but decided to see if space would help) so he promised he would spend all weekend with us. As this was not happening and there was a sudden change of plan I started to panic and had to go upstairs when they arrived as I was crying. He came up and I told him to leave me alone, he said I was rude and embarrassing. His lovely mum came up and told me not be embarrassed and to come down and own it. I did and everyone was lovely to me.

He carried on being awful while they were here while no one could hear.

I need to leave for the boys' sake, they don't deserve to see me so upset all the time. But I don't have a job, I would get less than minimum wage in UC. He brings in all the money and they have a lovely life right now as far as 'things' are concerned (toys, a lovely home, days out etc).

I will reply to everyone when the babies are in bed, I'm so grateful ❤️

OP posts:

Original poster

iminthebath12 · 14/05/2022 17:29

I did put paragraphs but they don't seem to be working

OP posts:

ChiswickFlo · 14/05/2022 17:31

You don't have a lovely life thought, do you?

Theblackdogagain · 14/05/2022 17:32

You and your babies are the most important things here, sounds like you can get rid of your waste of space man. People cleverer that me will tell you the best way to do it. You are stronger and better and deserve more than you have.

HollowTalk · 14/05/2022 17:33

Get a pen and paper and start to make a list of all the things you have to do to have an independent life. If something is on the list and you can't work out how to resolve it, ask us on here.

Myworhl · 14/05/2022 17:39

time to be nice to yourself and your little ones. Glad you’re through it I can’t do emoji’s these days!

Gingermoth · 14/05/2022 17:41

You can do it alone if that's what you want, I am a lone parent and have twins. I did it on my own from day 1 and it's not that bad and it gets easier. I love my life with my 2 dcs. I promise you can do it

Blackbird2020 · 14/05/2022 17:48

You just ticked the first box, reaching out to get help 💪 Mumsnet is such a good place to ask advice for what you need to do, and in what order to do it in.

Maybe start a new thread in Relationships, give a bit of background to your situation and ask for some practical advice. Loads posters have been in very similar situations and you’ll get lots of very good advice.

SheldonesqueTheBstard · 14/05/2022 17:55

The bairns may have a ‘lovely life’ at the moment.

But you don’t cherub. And the loveliest of lives doesn’t matter a jot to bairns if they think their mam is unhappy.

Things don’t matter. Not really. Are things ‘nice’? Of course. But a happy mam is nicer.

Is that too simplistic? Perhaps. The reality is bloody hard. (And I didn’t have bairns to worry about)

But it gets easier. And not being frightened/crushed/unhappy is a gift and allows you to battle on each day until it doesn’t seem like a battle any more.

Georgeskitchen · 14/05/2022 18:08

I had young children and a partner like yours. Selfish and couldn't give a crap about the kids. I threw him out and not once did I regret it. That was 30 years ago
Keep strong, you've got this

BHX3000 · 14/05/2022 18:17

they have a lovely life right now as far as 'things' are concerned (toys, a lovely home, days out etc).

I don't remember 'things' from when I was a baby. I don't remember the number of toys. We moved often when I was young and the first flat I remember properly was from when I was 5 - and I don't even know if it was 'lovely'? I have this clear memory of a green bath and a green towel and those were my favourite things in the house, because I was 5. Kids don't care for houses. Days out - sure, there are photos of me as a toddler at the zoo or the aquarium, but I don't really remember those, because toddlers don't focus on those things.

They're at the age where emotional connections and personal relationships with their primary caregivers are formed. For these to be established properly, and for their emotional maturity to develop, they need happy, relaxed, confident parents. They need YOU to be happy, to be relaxed, to be able to care for them without being stressed or worried about a useless partner who doesn't put you, and them, first.

Only you know what the next step should be, but please don't let toys, houses and trips stand in the way of what your babies truly deserve - a happy mum. It may be difficult at times but deep down you know whether it would be worth it in the long run.

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