Moving to village and making friends

[Lochnessgiraffe]

We're moving to a village in a couple of weeks and ideally we'd like to make friends. We have teenagers and wfh.
Dh is thinking of starting a dog walking group. And I'm stuck how would you go about making friends?

Well my advice would be don't move into a village and immediately start your own groups. Sorry.

Join the village Facebook page and ask what is already going on and join in with that.

Use the local pub and the local shop.

Keep to footpaths when you are out walking so you don't annoy the local farmers.

What would you like from new friends. Is there a church or community centre, start there see if there's any groups that need volunteers, the generally all round friendly people often help with community project so are a good base to meet people.

I agree with not starting groups immediately. Join the local FB page. If you're in for the jubilee it would be good to attend any events that happen and village fetes etc over the summer.

Yes. This
Help out at the groups that currently exist
Go and do the washing up at the toddler group
See if the church needs flower arrangers
Chat to other dog walkers and find out where the best routes are

There is a community centre but most stuff seems to be on during the day. There is a jubilee day just after we move which we'll go to.
I'll mention to dh just to try to meet local dog walkers naturally and build from there.

Def don't organise a group- you'll be an annoying incomer. Instead, be chatty and friendly to all the dog walkers you meet, smile and say hello to everyone, use the pub/shop, go to open gardens/fetes/scarecrow trails- basically turn up to the opening of an envelope and use as many local trades and companies as you can.

Agree about not starting your own groups. It might smack of you trying to change things because you know best. Volunteer or join existing groups or activities and use the local shops.

Also maybe invite your jmmediate neighbours round for a drink. Drop a leaflet through the door, we are new here and would love to meet some people please can you come for drinks?
Wish we had done this but we moved with a brand new baby. I do now know
All my neighbours but it's taken years
Would have been easier to just knock in the first few weeks

There is only 1 shop so we'll definitely be using it. No pub though but one in the next village.

It often will be. But you can perhaps take some time out of meetings in the first few months?
Isn't that the beauty of wfh?

Definitely join the FB page and get involved with what's going on already. You don't want to come across as the superior family who think their ideas will improve the village.

Support local businesses- FB page will be great for recommendations

Don't ever make negative comments about an event/service/person unless you know who you are talking to and their links to what/who you are talking about.

Having settled into a village, and watching newcomers move in, my advice is that it takes time.

Don't try too hard. Just go and find things that you naturally like doing and you'll meet like minded people. Definitely join the Facebook groups. Shop local, drop stuff off at the food bank etc.
Just be who you are. You have just as much a right to live there as anyone else.

And DO NOT GOSSIP.

I have got to know many people in one village nearby mostly by dogwalking there 2x/week (& some PO visits)
Not sure you want to know most of them, though, honestly.
Nosy, pushy, blinkered, parochial...

We were thinking of knocking on the immediate neighbours doors and introducing ourselves maybe invite them for a coffee.
Never lived in a village before and don't want to upset anyone.

I wouldn’t overthink it too much OP.

If you’re religious (or can tolerate it) then the local church will be a fab place to start and the vicar will help you fit in.

If not… Go on local facebook, find out what’s going on then join / volunteer for everything you can find, especially things that involve kids (as new parents are more likely than others to be looking for buddies). Our villge has adult drama groips, walking groups, scput groups, church groups, card groups, music groups, history groups… And all desperate for new members…

Not sure I agree with everyone else about not starting a group - if your DH is keen I’d let him try it and see how it goes. I wouldn’t think badly of anyone who sterted a group just because they were new! And anyone who does think like that is a weirdo you’re best off without.

The main thing is not to expect to be fully accepted right away. Be cautious about doing anything that implies you are moving in and want to change the established community. Be nice and people will get used to you, but expect it to take some time.

Not sure I agree with everyone else about not starting a group - if your DH is keen I’d let him try it and see how it goes. I wouldn’t think badly of anyone who sterted a group just because they were new! And anyone who does think like that is a weirdo you’re best off without

Huge risk of stepping on the toes of something else that already goes on. They don't even live there yet so have no idea if Mrs Goggins from the post office already runs a weekly dog walkers meet up.

You aren't anonymous in a village and there's a high chance setting up a group when you first arrive will have you labelled forever as 'the townie who came in and thought they could do better than us'.

Rightly or wrongly that's how village life works.

Are your children moving somewhere they won't know anyone/ new schools etc?

Yes dd1 will be attending college in closest town so won't know anyone and dd2 attends an online school so things won't change for them

I would throw a lovely respectful garden party with a dress code, invite all, and serve mocktails and canapes. Dress code; your Saturday lounge clothes.

May I add a useful tip that my sister passed on to me...try, wherever possible to use your family run village shops and businesses, local grocery store/chemist/post office/pub etc....it's a great way of getting to know your neighbours and you're investing in the community, the nearby Tesco or Asda May be cheaper, but nipping in your local grocery store for a few bits a couple of times a week won't break the bank.

1. Volunteer to help
2. Ask for help!

Join local FB groups or chat down the shop - getting involved in something will let you meet people. Then ask for suggestions for stuff - plumbers, electricians, where the best routes for walking the dog are, does anyone know if there’s a community choir/book group etc.

Don’t do anything too much to start with other than a smiley hello, perhaps introduce yourself and ask for a bit of advice.
If you are rural (you say village but some villages are like towns) don’t complain about anything!!! Eg bonfires, mud on the road, lack of take aways or deliveries.
After a while volunteer - churches usually run a lot of support systems, village hall committee, reading at schools, parish council, but I repeat, don’t volunteer straight away as you will be viewed with suspicion as a pushy or moany townie.

Slow down would be my advice. Observe what’s happening, be friendly. Don’t steam in with starting your own groups.

Having moved around a lot, and to a a few villages it mainly depends on where in the country it is.

And how big or small the village is.

But to echo the above, don’t start groups up. You won’t be thanked.

And don’t join in the gossip.