Am I a freak? I don't want any friends.

[Kris02]

I often wonder if I'm a freak or something but, well, I just don't want any friends. Or, to be precise, I don't want too many.

First of all, let me stress that I'm not a bitter loner. There are lots of really amazing human beings out there – kind, funny, charming, brave, etc. I've never been a misanthrope, and I've never written the human race off. Neither am I indifferent to suffering. The suffering of good people really affects me, and I'll do anything to help. I recently did a course, for example, and found the instructors charming and helpful, and the other students generally friendly and pleasant. Also, I'm a pretty good conversationalist and can make people laugh, so it's not like I feel rejected. It's just that I don't seem to need or crave social interaction. I never did.

Another problem is that when I dislike someone I have zero tolerance. I just cannot be in a room with them. People have a huge impact on my mental state. I'm hyper-sensitive and don't miss a thing. I stew on what they have said, often working myself into a rage over some snide or spiteful remark. I don't mean that I'm touchy exactly, more that I see through them very quickly – and know what they're up to.

I cannot imagine anything more hellish than a big circle of friends, with all the underlying tensions, jealousies, resentments, and so on. In fact, I spend most of my life trying to wriggle out of parties, weddings and get-togethers. Reassure me that I'm not alone!

I think you must be my mother. So no, you are not a freak.If you are happy in your own skin then don’t worry about what others think. My mother has never enjoyed social interactions - hates parties and large groups. She refuses to attend any social functions in her sheltered housing and says all she needs is her close family.

Another problem is that when I dislike someone I have zero tolerance. I just cannot be in a room with them. People have a huge impact on my mental state. I'm hyper-sensitive and don't miss a thing. I stew on what they have said, often working myself into a rage over some snide or spiteful remark. I don't mean that I'm touchy exactly, more that I see through them very quickly – and know what they're up to.

Yep, that's me. Sadly. I do love and like my family though and don't feel like that with them.

Definitely not alone. But I think we might both be freaks.

There is just so much bitchy gossip and jealousy in larger groups. Maybe I haven't stumbled over my tribe (if that's still allowed to say) yet.

I have no desire for friendships. In fact, even my own family get annoyed by how avoidant I am. I’m autistic and I find maintaining friendships exhausting - it invariably ends but I’m never sure why. I know I’m very rigid about my routines and that tends to piss people off; I don’t make spontaneous plans and I’m too anxious to try something new without extensive research and prep beforehand. I get that hearing me say ‘no’ to suggestions must get old quickly!

I also have ADHD and have zero object permanence, which also extends to people. If something (read: someone) isn’t right in front of me, it might as well be on the moon. Six weeks can pass before I realise I haven’t reached out to anyone

I have one friend who is also ND and we are on completely the same wavelength so there is no hard feelings. I have never ‘missed’ anyone in my life and I don’t have any desire to make more friends.

The way you describe catching onto people’s vibes and seeing through them is something I’ve always experienced and I get so frustrated watching other people fawn over someone I can tell is an arsehole.

I can be like this. For me it's because I struggle with social anxiety as part of complex trauma issues. I often feel unable to really trust people even when I know them well. I do need to pace myself due to numerous health issues. Yet at same time part of me craves social interaction? But I find v hard to actually do it.

I have lost a lot of interest in things I used to enjoy including going out with friends . The social anxiety is always there in the background but the loss of interest in people etc.comes and goes in waves

It's like my head is on some kind of red alert and I'm trying to work out if I can really relax with people or not .they may be my friends but may be they really are judging me?

This is me, in a nutshell. Now I'm older, I do what I want. I have 2 close friends who are both like me and it suits us fine.

I'm the same. I go for quality over quantity. It takes me a long time to "let anyone in" so most people are merely acquaintances I keep at arm's length. Occasionally, I get to know someone well enough to start trusting them and they become a genuine friend. My anxieties come from my teenage years of suffering a hell hole of a secondary school where I was bullied and abused on a daily basis by my so-called "friends", so I withdrew, physically and mentally, even down to hiding at breaks and lunchtimes to avoid them - some of these would be friendly one minute and then nasty the next. I don't think I've ever genuinely "trusted" anyone since, not even my OH who I've been with 35 years, there's still the element of doubt in the back of my mind that he'll turn against me (even though he's been nothing but loyal and trustworthy and genuinely has my back for all those years and has done nothing at all to give me grounds to doubt him).