Would you tell if you found a profile on a dating site?

[buggeringbuggery]

My Dsis is engaged. She's been with him two years now and he's moved into her and her son's house. She met him on a speciality dating site.

I don't mind him as such; there was some hassle involving him taking something that belonged to the family (still not returned), but accept my Dsis is happy and he makes her happy.

I set up a fake profile on this site, a couple of years ago (when he 'borrowed' the thing and there was something to do with the police and him changing his name).
I'd forgotten about it, until I was looking through my other (real, but not main), email account. There were tons of notifications, so I logged on for pure nosiness.

I was stunned to see he'd winked and favourited me. He has been active this week.

I've taken screenshots, but don't know what to do. I don't want to throw Dsis's life into disarray, especially as we've had a challenging time recently and our family has diminished.

She once had a fiancé that I caught in a restaurant all over another woman and when I told her, she hated me for it.

Anyone?

Yikes. I'd think about finding an anon way to let your sister know? Or pretend you saw a dilemma thread on MN and what would she want in that situation.? I feel for you - normally I'd say you must tell her, but that's really tough if you already have experience of her responding badly. (thought maybe she's older and wiser now?)

Yikes, the fact that you have already been the bearer of this type of bad news complicates things. :-(
Don't envy you

Thanks Winter. I think I may have to tell her. I worry that he will pretend he knows it's me, though I'm confident he doesn't. I've not responded, even though he's just 'winked' at me.

The dilemma on MN is a good idea. I want to think the best, but worry as she owns her own home and about to inherit a lot (she's actually suggested that DH is after inheritance, which is laughable as we've been married 13 years and have a child, plus I live in his house. I warned her to be careful, but she says she's happier than she's ever been.

If you hadn’t already had to do it, I would say do it again

But she still needs to know

Print offs of the screenshots posted to her?
anon burner email address (or whatsapp from a burner SIM card..?)

unless it’s one of those specialty dating sites for cheats..?

Omg but she has to know.. can you tip her off anonymously? Basically I'd confront him. Catch him out. Tell him you know. Make him squirm.

She’s your sister, it’s your duty to tell her, yes she may hate you for it, but it’s called taking one for the team and this is what family does for each other.

However I would make it clear to her it’s her choice and if she still wants to stay with him that’s up to her and your happy to support her either way.

When you say he's favourited you, he definitely knows it's you right?

That is so brazen. I dont think he wants to get married. Think he's cocklodging for the time being. Not unhappy, but an eye out elsewhere constantly regardless. Favouriting yr fiancé's sister is asking for a big scooby doo reveal at the end.

Mate. You gotta tell her. Tell her now.

Her being annoyed with you temporarily outweighs the hurt she'll go through if she stays with a cheater (and finds out you knew all along).

I don’t think he knows it’s her as OP is using a fake account.

Send it to anonymously via fake email address with screenshots, she needs to know but coming from you muddies the water.

It's not a site for cheaters, it's a respectable site for certain type of people.

The site is where my Dsis met him.

The site is free to use, but you have to pay to receive messages unless the person paying has paid. I know Dsis paid, as I helped her set it up, I don't know if he paid, but I suspect not, and he wouldn't have needed to if she did.

I'm going to use the dilemma idea first, then send her the evidence, though I imagine he will say he guessed he knew it was me (though there is no need to be on there, as Dsis deactivated her after meeting him, and it shows he has been active on there).

I was going to suggest someone could have stolen a photo and be catfishing but given it is the site she met him on it sounds like this is not the case. Just tell her.

I missed Ohsugar's post, I will send her the screenshots via a fake email.