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Original poster

Being referred to as “the wife”

27 replies

OniferousWasp · 10/05/2022 16:21

Saw a message from my DH to a female colleague in which he referred to me as “the wife”. For some reason, it made me feel uneasy. I thought “the wife” sounds … I don’t know, impersonal?

I’ve met the colleague and we know each other’s names.

( Ps, I was going through his messages at his request, to find some info from a little while back).

Do you or your DH ( or DW) refer to each other as ‘the wife’ or ‘the husband’ to colleagues?
Interestingly, I’ve no problem with ‘the other half’ although I don’t use that phrase either.

OP posts:
StuckInTheMiddleOfNowhere · 10/05/2022 16:25

We don't.
But i know of others that do

Ie friend to man ' any plans the weekend, fancy all meeting up'
Man 'not sure ill ask the wife and let you know'
Visa versa.

PurpleDaisies · 10/05/2022 16:26

This wouldn’t bother me. It’s a pretty common turn of phrase.

stairgates · 10/05/2022 16:27

We use different terms for each other as we both have a child with our name so its saves having to do the 'Which Steven, big or little?' each time

BlueSpottedGiraffe · 10/05/2022 16:29

I'm 'our lass', it used to annoy me but can't get worked up over it these days!

Shakirasma · 10/05/2022 16:30

We never do. I find it disrespectful, just as easy to say "my wife."
The wife makes it sound like she's just a possession, like The dog, The cat, The car.

JadeSeahorse · 10/05/2022 16:30

Yes, my DH refers to me similarly all the time.

If I am outside and he wants me for something he will stand at the door and shout "Wife". It is a standing joke between us.

No problem at all as we both have a great sense of humour and I've put up with the bugger for over 40 years now so can't be bothered trading him in.🤣

pilates · 10/05/2022 16:32

I dislike it and can understand why it has irritated you.

The wife sounds like an object and not a person.

JorisBonson · 10/05/2022 16:33

It's an everyday phrase where I'm from. Doesn't bother me at all.

MajorCarolDanvers · 10/05/2022 16:35

I don't mind 'my wife' and will talk about 'my husband'

But 'the wife' and 'the husband' is horrible.

IncompleteSenten · 10/05/2022 16:38

I hate it.
I know it's a common turn of phrase but to me it seems like reducing the person to an item.

The fridge.
The washer.
The car.
The wife.
The bath.
The microwave.

I know it isn't meant that way but that's how it always feels to me

Sparklingbrook · 10/05/2022 16:42

I don't mind it and often refer to DH as 'the husband' or the DC as 'the teenager'.

BlueSlate · 10/05/2022 16:42

It depends on the context doesn't it?

My boyfriend refers to me as "me bird". its tongue in cheek because neither of us like it. So it's a joke. I wouldn't date someone who generally referred to me, or women in general, as 'bird".

bumblebeach · 10/05/2022 16:44

I hate it when men do this. They don't mean any harm (maybe, but who knows) but in my view it is just demeans us. I wouldn't want me OH to speak of me this way. I would want him to say my name.

aSofaNearYou · 10/05/2022 16:46

I wouldn't be uneasy about this, it's a pretty standard thing to do.

Fair enough if you just don't like the phrase, but I wouldn't see it as suspicious.

Zazdar · 10/05/2022 16:48

I know it's a common turn of phrase but to me it seems like reducing the person to an item.

I does to me too. I don’t like “the husband” or “the boyfriend” either. A current radio advert is using the last one and it irritates.

WimpoleHat · 10/05/2022 16:49

My DH doesn’t do this (says “my wife”) but it’s a pretty common expression, so it wouldn’t bother me if he did. It’s not pejorative in any way, really.

RainbowToes · 10/05/2022 16:50

My ex used to say 'the wife'. Hated it.
Summed up his disrespectful nature.
One of the many reasons he's 'the ex'. 😂

Tamzo85 · 10/05/2022 16:51

Doesn’t bother me and even though this phrase is more common amongst men, I’ve heard “the husband”, “the hubby” or “the man” or even “him” being used similarly by wives all who seem to be in fairly good relationships (from the outside).

Newgirls · 10/05/2022 16:52

It’s old-fashioned at best and sexist at worst.

DwightShrutesgirlfriend · 10/05/2022 17:02

I cannot even begin to explain why, but I'm fine with 'my wife' and I hate 'the wife'.

VeniVidiWeeWee · 10/05/2022 17:02

Most men I know would use SHMBO.

Topseyt123 · 10/05/2022 17:06

Doesn't bother me. I refer to DH as "the husband" sometimes. Amongst other things.

ResentfulLemon · 10/05/2022 17:16

My husband occasionally calls me 'the wife' but I don't really care. His female colleagues hate it though, the amount of times I've heard him apologise over the phone to them because he's said "The wife just made me a cuppa" or something equally as innocuous.

But then I grew up where "Butt" is a perfectly acceptable and friendly way to greet someone - local influences on language can make a big difference to perception.

axolotlfloof · 10/05/2022 17:44

I am saved in DH's phone as "wife" , because apparently he has more than one person with my name, and it makes voice dialling easier.
I can't say I am keen.

MardyOldGoth · 10/05/2022 17:56

I don't like it. There's a whiff of 70s 'comedy' about it. The wife, the missus, her indoors. Feels disrespectful.