Anxiety causing problems with DP

[Daisydoo95]

I’ve always suffered with it but something happened recently that has made it a thousand times worse. I have noticed that fresh air can help me calm down so during the day if it’s bad I will go for a walk or if it’s too dark to go for a walk I’ll go and sit in my garden for 5-10 minutes. A few nights ago getting into bed, I could feel myself getting all panicky so I asked him if it’d be ok for me to sleep next to the window so I can pop my head out if I have to. He said no and told me to stop being pathetic and grow up. About an hour ago, I could feel myself starting to get panicky again and knew I needed 5 minutes of fresh air. He followed me in to the garden and snapped at me saying l need to sort my head out. I don’t see why me needing some fresh air bothers him so much. Nobody was at our house, we weren’t in the middle of eating or watching anything. He knows I’ve always suffered with anxiety and I’ve sat down so many times with him and tried to explain but
he doesn’t understand. I don’t blame him for not understanding though because even I don’t sometimes. Am I the problem? And what can I do because I already find myself struggling to get through certain days with out having added pressure from him too

Get rid of this bully. Your anxiety will improve tremendously.

Being called names and being challenged for using a strategy you know works for you is not going to help your anxiety. If anything it will make your mental health worse. How long have you been with him?

@Tangelablue 9 years. It has gradually gone worse over the years, especially these past 2 years or so but in no way does it affect him. He’s no support where my feelings are concerned regarding my anxiety so I don’t bother anymore and bottle it up around him

He's the problem here, not you love. If he can't be supportive then he needs to leave.

I have suffered with the same so I know what you’re going through and agree, fresh air always helps.

First, do you have other coping techniques or things that help when it happens too? Breathing exercises, cold water, meditation or CBT, meds, sensory simulators such as oils, strong mints etc? Having a go to response is great for reassurance, but you want to make sure that you have an alternative you can practise in case eg you can’t get fresh air.

Basically what I’m saying is don’t let the thought that you can’t get fresh air make you panic more (or bring it on in the first place).

Second, if you’ve noticed a sudden change then it’s worthwhile rerunning tests at doctors so that when it happens, you can tell yourself it’s “just” anxiety and that actually everything is physically ok.

Thirdly, as for your DP, HWVVU to say that. However, if I may also say from experience, it will be affecting him. He will be constantly aware of your worry even if he doesn’t know when it happens. Maybe it’s worth sitting down and asking whether he does feel it hasaffected anything, at the same time as explaining how changes are affecting you. Maybe not bottling it up will help.

Good luck I might go and sit in garden now

He's the problem and I'd seriously assess whether and how much him being in your life contributes to the anxiety.

Anxiety is a very real and debilitating illness, to have called you pathetic because you aren't essentially behaving in the way he wants as a result of that illness is vile, and so is he. He sounds more bothered about all his needs being met bar none than he does your suffering.

Whether it affects him or not it does not give him the right to speak that way or decide to start policing what you (in his opinion) can do to mitigate your anxiety.

I hope you're able to find some relief OP, you've done nothing wrong.

Wow How horrible. I don't think I can think of a reason good enough to be with someone like that

Have you thought about leaving the relationship? Really feel for you. It's not like anyone chooses to have anxiety!

He is part of your problem, you’re getting anxious as you know what he’s going to say.
He needs to go.

No wonder you are anxious, living with him. Do you have children together?

Dp causing problems with anxiety disorder

Fixed the heading for you op. You're anxiety will be worse with a judgemental and cruel dp in tow. Following you to berate you in the middle of the night is just nasty and cruel. Wtf was he hoping to achieve with that?! Name calling and bullying, spite and cruelty are the traits he seems have and which you don't need in Your life.

The last two years has been tough, and it's not at all unusual for those who suffer with Anxiety to be reporting increasing issues. Give yourself a break, and a pat on the back that you have found and manage to effectively use coping mechanisms. That's a huge step and something you should be so proud of .

@Daisydoo95 my ex was NEVER supportive of my anxiety. He made me feel like I was being OTT and crazy. I found a breast lump and was so worried about it. My mum had breast cancer and my Nanna had just died from breast cancer too so understandably it was a big worry. I know I must've been hard work whilst I waited for my app but he was awful with me, we had a massive fallout and he didn't speak to me for 2 days. This is just one example!
I understand that anxiety can be hard for those around us but communication is key and if he's just told me he didn't know how to deal it would've been totally different.

There's a name for these people thought has lighters. It's abuse. Speak to your partenwr and if he isn't willing to communicate with you then you need to think about whether he can continue ie to support you!

Hope you're ok OP ♥️

Gas lighters *