Why are parents so difficult sometimes

[Annoyingparents]

I think I’m a good daughter and good person! Why do my parents make constant snide remarks and comments and judgements.
Im married, earning my own money, have a nice family and I’m a functioning person!

They just criticise absolutely everything. They infer that I am lazy and do nothing just because my house isn’t 100% clean and tidy all the time. It’s not perfect but it’s tidy yet lived in and I do a quick clean every day and the kitchen is always clear of pots etc. Myself and OH work and we don’t get help with childcare so weekends are always spent doing nice things with the children.

Its just constant jibes insinuating I am lazy just because I’m not 100% perfect. Any mistakes I do make are constantly brought up years later. One time I invited them over after we had just moved house and because of a bit of a mix up the dinner was late to be ready. They STILL bring it up despite the fact I cook them a Bloody Sunday roast very regularly and my dad does no cooking at all ever. It was about ten fucking years ago.

I think I have only noticed the behaviour recently because I had a break from it in lockdown and I was so much less on edge it was lovely. But going back to seeing them regularly has been stressful.

It doesn’t help that my sister is a complete arse does nothing to help anyone out, borrows money all the time and is generally rude, yet she isn’t held to these ridiculous standards. Her and my dad tend to gang up and take jabs at me.

Im already down to as little contact as I can manage now but as soon as I know they are visiting I just turn into a nervous wreck.

Not looking for solutions really. Just why do some people behave like this? I’d really love to know what the purpose is.

Feel free to add rants about your own difficult families!

Imo they think you can't possibly be managing your life without them managing it for you...
Probably why I am nc with my dps.

Because they can’t control you any more.

Think you could be right. They enjoy making out that I’m stupid. 🙄 I’m NC with the sister now but I can’t really do that with my parents. 🤦‍♀️

Exactly where I'm at with my mum.

She treats my brother like a prince, ignores any messes he creates in his life (which are many), constantly fawns over him and his wife and kids, provides them with childcare 6 days out of 7 most weeks. With me she insults me constantly, and deliberately in front of the rest of our family (including db) and then apologises weeks after - but does it again and again. Nothing I ever do is good enough, she judges my house and how untidy it is, speaks to my kids like crap too but the worst is that she doesn't support us at all with our kids, never offers to help take the strain despite the fact that I've had to leave my job to care for my autistic son who is struggling with mental health issues and can't attend school. We never get a day off, unless we ask months in advance and it's always made out to be a huge deal.

I've tried to distance myself, she doesn't even notice. Its just my poor dad who ends up feeling upset for not seeing us. I don't have any answers but wanted you to know that I feel the same - my mum is awful at times.

I’m sorry @Cornishqween that’s really tough.

It’s so very difficult. Especially when the last thing you want is to create more complications in your life. It sounds like you’re doing a brilliant job.

It's hard because we have such little help, and we don't want to cut all ties with my dad, he's a lovely man who really cares for his grandkids.

Did you always have a difficult relationship @Annoyingparents or did this happen more as you got older? I didn't speak to my mum for 2 years after she threw me out of our family home aged 17 - so it's been a long term thing.

I'm the same with mine! My mum especially. When I was growing up she used to call me thick, I would never achieve in life, get a good job etc. I met my now DH and they didn't like it because he didn't have a high paying job or a company car. We bought a flat together and because I didn't tell them until we were about to complete, they went mad saying I hadn't thought of the future and should bought a house. If I go out which is like once every 6 months they say I'm wasting money (talking about £40) and that could go towards the utilities bill. They often tell me they never went out when they had me and I should do the same. I see them once a week and that is more than enough. When they go on holiday I love it as have 3 weeks without seeing them (although they do video call me) I hate saying it but I see some people really close to their parents, 'my mum is my best friend' etc and I'm completely the other way. I know how you feel OP!

They need clarity: "If you continue to say these sort of things to me, I will no longer invite you round. Just stop it."

Or ... "Well you brought me up, so what can you expect?"

Why can't you go NC with your parents?

I don’t know why they do it. I’ve never been lazy or expected stuff from them. I’ve always worked since I was 16. Paid for everything. I do everything at home plus work. It’s just never good enough.

I’d forgotten to put away some stuff that was waiting to go up into the attic last week so it was still downstairs. And they had to comment oh look you’ve not even done this have you. When I’ve been at work, looked after two children, cooked all the meals all bloody week. I’m not perfect but I’m far from lazy.

I just can’t go NC. They’re nice people as well as being horrible and they have done a lot for me growing up. I can’t explain it it’s like they’re lovely and horrible at the same time. Mostly my dad to be honest my mum is fine especially when on her own. I am NC with horrible sister now though.

I wouldn't invite them round anymore. You are a grown adult and not answerable to them

If they criticise say " why don't you help,me then?"

Why can't they cook for you.