Can’t do it anymore

[BingeBitch]

Fat for 20 years. Last 10 years obese. Im so fucking done with myself. So ashamed, embarrassed and disgusted.

I can’t stick to anything, the things I’ve tried would probably work if I had a fucking ounce of will power but I don’t.
I. Won’t. Stop. Eating. Shite. I don’t know why. It makes no fucking sense what I am doing to myself. No sense at all.

Men shout at me in the street. I don’t even care anymore, doesn’t even register that I should feel offended or upset. Surely that’s not normal?

Im 40 with high BP, awful IBS which is flaring up something rotten this weekend. Knees wrecked, back wrecked. Triple chins. Arse the size of fucking hippo. How I’m not diabetic (yet) I don’t know.

Eat less move more? My brain tells me eat more move less and I listen. Don’t I just.

Here comes summer and another year of slow death at the hands of my own slovenly ways.

So ashamed and embarrassed for my lovely DH and our DC. They must be so embarrassed by me. I know I am.
Someone fucking shoot me. Please. 🙄

Before anyone asks; no I have no idea what I want from this thread. Just venting and getting it out of my system I think. I don’t know.

Ive just had enough of myself and my bullshit. I’ve tried so many things to change and Get no where because ultimately I can’t stick to anything.

😑

It is awful but I just don’t care anymore it almost doesn’t even register. I even laughed last time it happened. I don’t know if I’ve finally developed a thick skin towards it or I’m just having a mental breakdown.

Seriously OP you’ve done nothing to deserve any crap from anyone- what’s your crime, eating- hardly a crime is it. Block out the twats, you get one life live it happy!

I second brain over binge - life changing book and by someone who had binge eating disorder and is now cured

I know from experience you aren’t going to make progress until you get the urge to binge sorted it’s like taking on Mike Tyson with one arm strapped behind you.

I get this, OP. I’ve been there. At my biggest I was 22st. I pretended to the world I was okay with it but I really, really wasn’t.

For me, moving to high protein high fat has been life changing. Not because I’ve lost weight (although I have, over 4 stone and counting) but because it has changed my relationship with food entirely. I no longer binge because I don’t get the carb cravings. I am satiated. I don’t get blood sugar spikes and crashes. I have so much more energy. Yesterday I was at a birthday party with my daughter and I ate takeaway pizza and the effect was astonishing - I was instantly craving more, I couldn’t stop thinking about it, I woke up and had toast for the first time in months and then I was so exhausted in the afternoon I fell asleep on the sofa. It really hammered home to me that carbs are just the absolute devil for me.

I’m not saying it’s right for you, but it could be worth a try. Feeling less controlled by food has been so, so freeing for me I could cry with relief.

I just wanted to reach out and say I know exactly how you feel, I’m in the same shitty boat - even with the ibs and the painful joints etc.

I am the largest I’ve ever been, and every morning in the shower I tell myself I’ll eat less, cut out the crap and turn a corner and as the day goes on I’m just stuffing more crap into my face, because being honest I enjoy it. I enjoy the two family sized bars of chocolate I eat every day and the 3/4 cakes. I would love to wake up and weigh less but not enough to step away from the crap.

Its a horrid place to be. But I get you. ❤️

Set the weight loss goals aside and start to build your self esteem, therapy would be really great but also being mindful and appreciative of your body. Think of all those amazing cellular processes that need to happen just to live, it's a miracle being a body, really.

I'm so sorry you're feeling depressed, it sounds like you need some further help, perhaps trying a higher dose or a different drug?

There are a lot of people in my life who struggle with weight, I love and respect them all. We all have struggles at the end of the day. Wishing you well.

Hello everyone thanks again for your lovely support when I started this thread.
my mind is all over the shop today and I keep thinking about what adults used to say to me as a child:

”where did you get that big bum?”
”you’re a big boned girl”
”you’re not fat as such but you’ll never be a ballerina.”
“it’s in your genes to be chunky”
”get some cling film round those tree trunks (calves) it’ll slim them down.”

Usually unsolicited from my dad, aunts, uncles. Some nastier comments from girls at school where quite cutting also and I
can’t help wondering if I internalised this bullshit and became everything they told me I was or am I just making more excuses for laziness and greediness.🙄

Im on the waiting list for my local time to talk service. I’ve rejoined SlimmingWorld for the 4th time. Somehow have to stay on track and let go of this bollocks ⬆️I have to.

OP I have been battling with my weight - I went to see a proper nutritionist and she did all sorts of (mostly poo!) tests on me and was so, so kind in working through my diet and why I had come to the place I was at.

it has been expensive but her suggestions were practical and have really helped me. Plus I found out that I have SIBO quite badly - probably from long term antibiotic use and some tummy bugs.

I would be happy to recommend her to you if you PM me but there will be lots who are local to you in London (I am south west).

You know they (one scientist was on R4 life scientific and I can't remember details but my Dr friend has also talked about it) are doing some research into hormones that don't switch off when they should so your body thinks it should be eating. It might need medical intervention.

Hello. I think you should use this energy to step forward and make some changes. I think thoughts like you're thinking need to be addressed. I think lots of people have an issue in life with something or other and it is good to struggle with it and make progress. You're clearly sick of the status quo right? What are you going to do?

It could actually be quite exciting. When drug users come off, they use the wheel of addiction. Maybe you're in the 'starting to think about coming off it' stage? The next step, what would that be, making a plan for how to take the next step? How to get through that first week of change? Because you could slip back, of course you could. But will you? What strategies will you put in place? What bullshit have you told yourself in the past when you've slipped?

You're not alone with this one though. X