Aunt died in Africa

[Chohlin654]

My dad is white South African
He left SA in the late 70's

He has never returned not even for a second.

Very little contact with his siblings over there ever since. Christmas every 5 or so years only, I have never met any of them.
My aunt has died, dad's sister, he's been away from her longer than he ever knew her and my mum was never keen on her, she visited here once and was vile and racist to everyone who was nearby, that's the 80's apparently. I had no connection with her, she's never made an effort at all. I say this as I have siblings abroad and you bet your arse their kids know about me.

Dad obviously waiting for me to book to go over for the funeral. I don't know how to deal with this really. I am the one who would ordinarily go to anything like this but I don't have the holidays from work and I only want to go there to see the great whites 🙁 this obv not on the funeral menu .. don't know what to do. Worldwind 48 hours or nothing. I can send my dad over regardless but id like to be there for him, i just begrudge using a week I don't have on her. I had 1 day off for a maternal Aunt who I loved to bits. Funeral on Wednesday.

I don't think I would be going, and am surprised he is.
I mean if he didn't want to go and see her in 50 years when she was alive, why would he want to go to her funeral ?

If you don't have leave, then you don't have leave, otherwise I think it would depend a bit on how much support my father would need to travel. In theory, if I felt an elderly parent needed someone to take them to something they felt they needed to go to, and I had the time and the money, I would take them even if I had no connection with the person they were going for but it seems your Dad didn't maintain any relations with her, so that makes it odd that he wants to go.

Agree, why do you think you have to go? I certainly wouldn’t.

Why does he need anyone to be there for him, its not like he's going to be crushed by grief for someone he had barely enough affection for to keep in touch with.
In your position, I wouldn't be going and would be wondering why he is given their lack of a relationship.

I woulcng go under ghd circumstances you describe. If your Dad really wants to go couldnt he persuade a friend to go with him and stay on for a holiday after the funeral.

Don't go

I'm assuming he's very old and that's why OP has to go. If he left in the 70's he must be what, probably 80 now?

Yes, I'd resent it. Yes, I'd go. Is there any way you could tack on a couple of days? It truly is one of the most beautiful countries in the world.

Don't be a mug. Your aunt is literally a stranger to you, and if your father is so inclined as to attend her funeral he can pay for it himself. Don't allow your father to manipulate you over this.

www.livemoretravelmore.com/white-shark-cage-diving-in-south-africa/#:~:text=When%20can%20you%20see%20great,other%20months%20of%20the%20year.

I can’t understand why your dad is going let alone why you are going - send flowers .