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How to help someone who needs help

5 replies

Oioicaptain · 05/05/2022 19:14

A relative of mine is clearly struggling. They live on their own in total isolation in the middle of nowhere. They have cut off all ties from wider family, with the exception of their parents. They have developed a fear of driving, so are marooned in their property. They are scared to mix with other people due to COVID, but won't have the jab as needle phobic and can't get to Drs. They are not registered with a Dr. They wish to now relocate to another area so that they can walk to places, but are struggling to put this into action. They won't be separated from their pets, which they use as a crutch, making it harder to travel by taxi/stay over night anywhere, or view properties in the area that they now wish to move to, several hours away, but have never visited. Until now their parents have driven down to see them every few weeks and helped out, but the father is now terminally ill and the mother doesn't drive. The person cut me out of their life completely many years ago for reasons unknown, along with many others. It saddens me that this person clearly needs help in order to get back on track, but is very defensive/doesn't react well to be given advice, particularly from family which is often perceived as criticism. I appreciate that it is very difficult to help someone like this. I believe that they do want help/friendships etc, but won't accept it from family and have very few friends. I don't really know what, if anything I can do. I tried for many years to remain in contact, but was ignored and blocked on social media. Do I try again? Do I write a letter offering help? Do I just show up unexpectedly and see what reaction I get and see if I can repair things in person? Do I contact one of their old friends? Are there any charities or services that could get involved? I want to help but don't know how to without making things worse.

OP posts:
Georgeskitchen · 05/05/2022 19:29

You could try but it might be futile. Do you know the reasons why this person cut everyone off? I had this issue with a close relative and it turned out said relative had mental health and alcohol issues. If said person is of sound mind I don't think there's much you can do

Lightning020 · 05/05/2022 19:33

Unfortunately this does sound a very difficult context. Not much you can do really other than encourage her to move and to register at a doctor. It could be a long road to try and help her. If you have time good health of your own and patience then try by gentle coaxing but there is only so much you can do and she is an adult and has to make her own decisions. A difficult scenario I think.

Oioicaptain · 05/05/2022 19:57

Thanks so much ladies for responding. I believe that they may have a drink problem, although I don't think that they are a full blown alcoholic as such. I think that there is a strong possibility of them having a personality disorder. There is no obvious mental health issue, but a real issue trusting people/maintaining long term relationships and a lot of suspicion/distrust. I don't believe that there was any one particular reason for cutting everyone off. They tend to only allow one or two people into their life at any one time. Then often, at a perceived slight, go from being full on with someone to just cutting them off completely and then moving on. It's just a very sad and lonely life for them which has got progressively worse over the years.

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lifesabitchandthenyoudie · 05/05/2022 20:32

You could also contact the social work department for that area and make a referral, under adult protection basically. How effective they are can vary, but it might just trigger a good response and they might get some help...

Oioicaptain · 05/05/2022 20:47

Thank you

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