Awkward: how to clarify that it's not a date?

[PIPPIA]

Does anyone else constantly find themselves in situations like this?

A man loosely related to my field starts chatting on Linked In. He doesn't want anything specific from me, we're just excited about the same topic and the conversation is interesting, high energy, and includes lots of questions indicating both of us are really keen. He then asks me if I want to meet him for coffee. It makes sense that this is a business meeting because we are interested in the same field. However, what if he's asking me on a date? I am a very energetic and passionate person who uses lots of emojis, so I can see that he may think I'm interested in him. Massively overthinking. How can I clarify that it's not a date without knowing if it even was one in the first place?

I have had this conversation with many friends and I don't yet have a solution I'm happy with

At a work do, few colleagues got a bit oiled and had a good deep discussion on how mens' minds work. Apparently most (not all) are always on a lookout for potentials, meaning, women they wouldn't mind sleeping with but couldn't be arsed to have a relationship with. Or can't as they are in a relationship.
Sometimes they have several on the go at once and work on them until one says yes.
Made me look at most men with a very different way.

I'm sorry but I wouldn't be happy if my husband was going for coffee with a female (same work interests or not) that he's never met before, especially if SHE thought the whole thing was a date.

If this was a guy asking about meeting a woman he would get flamed.

Does anyone else constantly find themselves in situations like this?

No but then I don't send passionate, flirty emoji filled messages to people I've never met and who have contacted me unsolicited through a business networking platform (or any other platform for that matter).

If you are finding it happens 'constantly', and want to avoid it happening in future, you might want to review your communication style... 🤷🏻‍♀️

I totally agree with this. Being "energetic", "passionate" and adding emojis to professional communications really does send the wrong message.

@GeminiTwin
I know this sounds a bit "When Harry Met Sally" but do you really believe a male and female work colleague cannot be trusted to go for a coffee together ( whether to discuss work or just for a chat?).

That's a bit weird tbh...

@CorsicaDreaming absolutely I think they can be trusted!

..not so much when one of them thinks it's a date and the other doesn't know how to shut it down.

And SHE doesn't think it's a date, she's just worried he might...

If she's worried it's a date and she can't seem to shut that down no.. she shouldn't go.

Would you be okay if your partner went to get coffee with someone of the opposite sex whom they've never met before, and struggled to suggest this wasn't a date, and being worried that the other person might think it was a date?

Nah

2 work colleagues / friends of the opposite sex going for coffee.. no problem at all. No reason is should be a problem.

It’s actually quite a good way to find out if he’s a knob or not. Just send him a message saying; ‘Hiya, just making you aware from my end that this is just a meet up as friends/colleagues (whatever), looking forward to it’

If he’s nice, even if he fancies you, he’ll still come along and you’ll make a good friend potentially. If he’s a twat about it then you’ve dodged a bullet.

They're not colleagues though...

And it is 'weird' (an inappropriate) to meet up with a stranger you've been exchanging flirty messages with via an online platform when they made unsolicited contact with you and aren't asking anything professional of you when you have a partner.

Yup - but all the OP has said in her first post is she's enthusiastic and uses lots of emojis...

If she's using these emojis
😈😍🥰🍆🍑
Then yes we have a problem...

If she's using these emojis
👍😂🙄😆🏅

Then he's probably thinking, "what is it with some women and bloody emojis?"

But I don't think it automatically says "Hot Date" to me.

And if they have a shared interest in astrophysics or epidemiology or Capital Gains Tax he's probably far more interested in stars, or viruses, or accounting (and potentially writing a joint paper on it if he's an academic) than he is in her - not to say if they met, if she didn't have a DP, and if they got on well, it might move beyond a shared interest in work.

But I think the jury is out on his motives here...

How's your LinkedIn profile pic?

Bluntly, he likes you and wants to see where it will go.
You have been flirting with him, by locking minds and he thinks your sending out signals.
You tell him your mega busy at work right now, and so can't scrap together the time, but if he wants to bring along his partner your sure you could do a double date at the pub one night.

Put more bluntly, he thinks you like him and so he's thinking he might get a shag out of it...

Really?

I had no idea.

If someone made contact with me on LinkedIn and asked to meet for coffee I would assume it was either just networking or some sort of sales pitch.

There are so many SM sites for dating I would never have thought someone attempt it on LinkedIn.

For that reason, OP, I don't think he thinks it's a date. But of course I could be wrong.

What are your actual goals for having 1:1 chats online on LinkedIn, and 1:1 RL meetups with people you meet on the site?

Do you use LI?

I don't but I have heard of it happening a lot.

And, tbh, the OP describes an interaction more like you'd expect from a dating site... lots of passionate chats, enthusiam and emojis...

It hardly sounds like

Hi, I came across your profile whilst I was looking for someone involved in X. Blah blah blah. I'd be interested in setting up a meeting with you at your soonest convenience. Kind regards.

It sounds like a date...

He's asked you for a coffee, not a candlelit dinner. It's not a date! I often reach out to people in my industry online and have gone ahead and met up with some of them in person. It's never been assumed that it was a date. If I asked someone for a coffee and they explained to me that they would come but it's not a date then I'd be mortified and cancel our meeting out of embarrassment! Just go along for coffee and chat and enjoy meeting a new contact.

"But in all honesty, what really needs to discussed further about your interest that can't be done via email or however you communicate?"

Christ alive, what a miserable life it would be if we only ever communicate with new contacts by email.

Except that the OP doesn't describe a usual networking interaction. She hasn't described 'reaching out'.

She also states that this is something that 'constantly' happens to her and something that she wants to avoid. I doubt she is talking about making business connections...

This ^