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Original poster

I haven’t slept in 48 hours and I’m constantly on the go, tips to help me keep going?

54 replies

JustWantToDoseOff · 03/05/2022 15:10

Context: I’m a single parent to a 1 DC whose aged 7. They have some medical issues which involve nighttime waking. The last few nights I will just be dosing off and they’d wake up so I’ve had a few stolen half an hours.

I am on a 0 hours contract so while I can take the day off work I don’t get paid, I also don’t get sick pay, family leave or any other benefits. So I try and save my none working days for the school holidays.

So I’ve been working today, trying to stay awake. DCs night waking is likely to last another few nights (based on previous patterns) so I need to keep going. I won't even get a rest as DC has activities straight after school so I'll have to rush off to sort those and won't get to sit down until after bedtime. I am constantly on the go as I also have caring responsibilities for a sibling.

DC isn’t with their dad at all until the night waking period stops, he literally refuses to take them and if I send DC and they wake him in the night he returns them whatever time of night it is, so no break in sight.

I can’t stop the waking as it’s due to asthma which is made worse by pollen allergies, DC naturally wakes up if they have a nosebleed (frequently) or they start coughing (also frequently) and then they come into me so I have to take them back to bed and resettle them.

DC also hates bed sharing with me and their room isn’t big enough for me to camp out on the floor (it’s not even big enough for a standard size single bed so I can’t even swap as I need at least a single).

So I need tips to get me through until they start sleeping again.

For further context don’t suggest caffeine, I can’t have any at all as it triggers anxiety for me. So any none caffeine related tips?

OP posts:
Squaffle · 03/05/2022 16:36

Huge hugs to you, this sounds so incredibly tough.

he literally refuses to take them and if I send DC and they wake him in the night he returns them whatever time of night it is, so no break in sight

This is not ok! Is there more background here or is this standard? You really need support from him!

CloudSharkie · 03/05/2022 16:39
  1. Change his pillows regularly.
  2. His asthma should not be this poorly controlled; ask about add on medications ie monte Leila still.
  3. He should be resettling himself if it’s a non-asthmatic cough - get him to learn when and when not to come to you
  4. Prop the head of the bed up
  5. Make sure there’s no damp in the house and change his shower time to the morning
  6. Has he been allergy tested?
  7. No dairy
  8. Sunglasses and red nasal light have helped me massively.
2Hot2Handle · 03/05/2022 16:39

You say your other half is refusing to help with the night waking. Have you had a discussion/argument with him about the help you need? He needs to understand how little sleep you’re getting and the. Trying to look after the DC. Could he cook them dinner and look after them in the evening, while you get a few hours sleep? Could he let you sleep on weekends? Could you get a cleaner in, to reduce the housework you’re trying to fit in? if any of these are possible, put them into practice. Otherwise you’ll get very ill and won’t be able to look after the kids at all.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

7 year olds Families Sleep
CloudSharkie · 03/05/2022 16:40

It’s stupidly unsafe to drive sleep deprived - very stupid suggestion.

bloodywhitecat · 03/05/2022 16:42

As the mother of that (now fully adult) asthmatic child I say "Stop!", you need to look after you, a week off won't hurt and if you run yourself into the ground doing all of this you really will be up shit creek without a paddle. I didn't listen to that advice and I really, really should've done.

Original poster
JustWantToDoseOff · 03/05/2022 16:43

2Hot2Handle · 03/05/2022 16:39

You say your other half is refusing to help with the night waking. Have you had a discussion/argument with him about the help you need? He needs to understand how little sleep you’re getting and the. Trying to look after the DC. Could he cook them dinner and look after them in the evening, while you get a few hours sleep? Could he let you sleep on weekends? Could you get a cleaner in, to reduce the housework you’re trying to fit in? if any of these are possible, put them into practice. Otherwise you’ll get very ill and won’t be able to look after the kids at all.

@2Hot2Handle not my OH my Ex-Husband so nothing I can do if he returns DC to me in the night. I have to cook everything, wash everything etc anyway.

OP posts:
Bancha · 03/05/2022 16:46

If your DC is 7, can’t they understand the impact that no sleep is having on you and compromise with you. You say they don’t like sleeping in your room, don’t want to miss activities etc. but actually they need to learn that you are a human being with legitimate needs and that it is reasonable to put those needs before your child’s wants. Otherwise you are teaching DC to martyr themselves in an unhealthy way (or to expect their OH to).

monicagellerbing · 03/05/2022 16:48

How old is DC? Do they really need to come in to disturb you multiple times a night for a cough? If they are able to attend school and activities then the asthma can't be so bad that they can't just settle themselves off back to sleep after coughing. There's no need to keep waking you unless they can't breathe/emergency. I'd be having a chat with DC, you can't keep surviving on no sleep.

Original poster
JustWantToDoseOff · 03/05/2022 16:50

Bancha · 03/05/2022 16:46

If your DC is 7, can’t they understand the impact that no sleep is having on you and compromise with you. You say they don’t like sleeping in your room, don’t want to miss activities etc. but actually they need to learn that you are a human being with legitimate needs and that it is reasonable to put those needs before your child’s wants. Otherwise you are teaching DC to martyr themselves in an unhealthy way (or to expect their OH to).

@Bancha Have cancelled the activity tonight, it didn't go down well but hey!

They will not sleep in my bed or room at all, so neither of us get any sleep anyway. They've never bed shared even as a baby.

OP posts:
Original poster
JustWantToDoseOff · 03/05/2022 16:50

monicagellerbing · 03/05/2022 16:48

How old is DC? Do they really need to come in to disturb you multiple times a night for a cough? If they are able to attend school and activities then the asthma can't be so bad that they can't just settle themselves off back to sleep after coughing. There's no need to keep waking you unless they can't breathe/emergency. I'd be having a chat with DC, you can't keep surviving on no sleep.

@monicagellerbing I wake up anyway, usually a minute or so before they start coughing.

OP posts:
EarringsandLipstick · 03/05/2022 16:51

monicagellerbing · 03/05/2022 16:48

How old is DC? Do they really need to come in to disturb you multiple times a night for a cough? If they are able to attend school and activities then the asthma can't be so bad that they can't just settle themselves off back to sleep after coughing. There's no need to keep waking you unless they can't breathe/emergency. I'd be having a chat with DC, you can't keep surviving on no sleep.

That's a good point.

I know they are little at 7, and the asthma must be frightening for them.

But when it's not asthma & is coughing / nosebleed, they shouldn't necessarily wake you & if they are able for school / activities, as the above poster says, then it's less serious than it might be.

EarringsandLipstick · 03/05/2022 16:53

I wake up anyway, usually a minute or so before they start coughing.

You really need to address this - and I do mean it kindly. 💐

Your DC needs to agree to sleep near you eg on mattress on floor if they require comfort or else settle themselves.

And you need to stop anticipating their waking. It's hard but you need to feel ok with sleeping & they'll wake you if needed

Original poster
JustWantToDoseOff · 03/05/2022 17:03

EarringsandLipstick · 03/05/2022 16:53

I wake up anyway, usually a minute or so before they start coughing.

You really need to address this - and I do mean it kindly. 💐

Your DC needs to agree to sleep near you eg on mattress on floor if they require comfort or else settle themselves.

And you need to stop anticipating their waking. It's hard but you need to feel ok with sleeping & they'll wake you if needed

@EarringsandLipstick I've always done it, when they were tiny I'd wake a few minutes before them when it was time for a feed etc. It's not anxiety it's just I naturally wake up, I can be sleeping soundly and suddenly wake up and then they'll start coughing or come in as they're having a nosebleed.

OP posts:
Whatwaswrongwiththatusername · 03/05/2022 17:05

This may be a really obviously stupid question, as I'm sure you've probably tried all of these before, but I shall still ask, just in case..
Do you have the head of the bed propped up? Either top legs on the mattress itself? Do you make sure you keep all windows closed in the morning and evening/night when the pollen is at its worst, so that it reduces the amount coming in? Does ds shower/bath, wash his hair every night before bed to get rid of any pollen in him, and also have clean uniform everyday? I'm sure if you're under an allergy/asthma consultant these will all have been suggested probability.
Does ds have a bottle/glass of water next to his bed that he can access when he wakes coughing? Obviously he will have his inhaler with him at all times. Does he have a preventer inhaler as well that he can take before bed. Are the antihistamines the drowsy kind and you could possibly switch to take before bed? I'm sorry if these are all really on virus, but as I said, just in case. I really hope there will be change as he gets older (I know that doesn't help you this minute) and it won't be so bad, or he can learn to settle himself. Do you tend to get up every time he coughs/wakes? What do you do for him that will help stop the coughing etc? Is it something he can do himself (inhaler/water etc) so that he doesn't need to wake you? Have you tried suggesting self resettling routines with him, as he doesn't want to sleep in your bed? Would you consider telling him that if he wakes from the coughing that it would be ok for him to do something relaxing like reading etc, which may then send him back to sleep after a while?
Apologies for all the (obvious) questions! Good luck, it really is the worst suffering from no sleep and you need to also do this for yourself as well. It's not hard for sleep routine to turn into longer term insomnia, so it's just as important for you as well.

Whatwaswrongwiththatusername · 03/05/2022 17:08

I really would like to further apologise for the amount of mistakes in my post! Unfortunately caused by my own insomnia and Internet connection issues causing a proper lack of proofreading and trying to post quickly while I have connection!

Original poster
JustWantToDoseOff · 03/05/2022 17:26

Whatwaswrongwiththatusername · 03/05/2022 17:05

This may be a really obviously stupid question, as I'm sure you've probably tried all of these before, but I shall still ask, just in case..
Do you have the head of the bed propped up? Either top legs on the mattress itself? Do you make sure you keep all windows closed in the morning and evening/night when the pollen is at its worst, so that it reduces the amount coming in? Does ds shower/bath, wash his hair every night before bed to get rid of any pollen in him, and also have clean uniform everyday? I'm sure if you're under an allergy/asthma consultant these will all have been suggested probability.
Does ds have a bottle/glass of water next to his bed that he can access when he wakes coughing? Obviously he will have his inhaler with him at all times. Does he have a preventer inhaler as well that he can take before bed. Are the antihistamines the drowsy kind and you could possibly switch to take before bed? I'm sorry if these are all really on virus, but as I said, just in case. I really hope there will be change as he gets older (I know that doesn't help you this minute) and it won't be so bad, or he can learn to settle himself. Do you tend to get up every time he coughs/wakes? What do you do for him that will help stop the coughing etc? Is it something he can do himself (inhaler/water etc) so that he doesn't need to wake you? Have you tried suggesting self resettling routines with him, as he doesn't want to sleep in your bed? Would you consider telling him that if he wakes from the coughing that it would be ok for him to do something relaxing like reading etc, which may then send him back to sleep after a while?
Apologies for all the (obvious) questions! Good luck, it really is the worst suffering from no sleep and you need to also do this for yourself as well. It's not hard for sleep routine to turn into longer term insomnia, so it's just as important for you as well.

@Whatwaswrongwiththatusername

Do you have the head of the bed propped up?

Yes, the pillow end of the bed is higher than feet it's awkward due to the shape of the room

Do you make sure you keep all windows closed in the morning and evening/night when the pollen is at its worst, so that it reduces the amount coming in?

Windows are closed apart from for the 10 minutes I get between work and needing to pick them up from school. Open longer in the winter due to no pollen and to stop damp

Does ds shower/bath, wash his hair every night before bed to get rid of any pollen in him, and also have clean uniform everyday?

We only have a bath and due eczema can't be used everyday but they bath every few days. Clean uniform everyday something a few times if they have nosebleeds at school.

Does ds have a bottle/glass of water next to his bed that he can access when he wakes coughing?

No because they kept drinking it as soon as the lights went out and going to the toilet every 5 minutes for hours after bedtime which made it even worse with school. The bathroom is opposite their bedroom though and they know to get a drink if they need one (there's cups in the bathroom that I leave there for that reason)

Does he have a preventer inhaler as well that he can take before bed. Are the antihistamines the drowsy kind and you could possibly switch to take before bed?

Yes has a preventer inhaler, it's a purple coloured one as the brown one didn't work. Piriton is used as it's the only antihistamine that works, it makes DC a bit sleepy but not so bad they sleep through.

Do you tend to get up every time he coughs/wakes? What do you do for him that will help stop the coughing etc?

I wake up naturally right before they do, I don't specifically do anything, apart from monitor or give inhalers if needed but I always wake up.

Is it something he can do himself (inhaler/water etc) so that he doesn't need to wake you?

DC has a spacer for with the inhaler and can't hold it on and press the inhaler down so I tend to need to help with that, they can get a drink if needed but thats about it as the consultant said they're too little to administer the nasal spray or antihistamines themselves.

OP posts:
bloodywhitecat · 03/05/2022 17:43

Is DC on montelukast?

itsgettingweird · 03/05/2022 18:16

I'd be going to court re contact. The child's father needs to be taking equal responsibility. What kind of arsehole returns an ill kid in the middle of the night?

Other than that agree with everyone else - stop being a martyr. Cancel after school activities and get some shut eye.

Original poster
JustWantToDoseOff · 03/05/2022 18:40

itsgettingweird · 03/05/2022 18:16

I'd be going to court re contact. The child's father needs to be taking equal responsibility. What kind of arsehole returns an ill kid in the middle of the night?

Other than that agree with everyone else - stop being a martyr. Cancel after school activities and get some shut eye.

@itsgettingweird Already been to court and have a child arrangements order, it doesn't stop ExH returning DC early if they wake him up or make him stick to the actual contact.

OP posts:
EarringsandLipstick · 03/05/2022 19:24

I hope you're heading to bed OP! Your 7 yo must be there soon, go at the same time & hopefully you'll get some sleep before they wake up.

Fuuuuuckit · 03/05/2022 19:32

JustWantToDoseOff · 03/05/2022 16:43

@2Hot2Handle not my OH my Ex-Husband so nothing I can do if he returns DC to me in the night. I have to cook everything, wash everything etc anyway.

Show quote history

OP you can just not be in. Tell him you're not at home. Or actually go out. Go to the cheapest travel lodge you can find and get your head down.

Moppincraxy · 03/05/2022 19:41

Have you tried the cream you can get for nosebleeds? DS was prescribed this by his GP as he got so many nosebleeds he started fainting. It's some kind of antibiotic cream that weirdly helps prevent nosebleeds.

3luckystars · 03/05/2022 19:44

You can’t go on like that. You will get sick. You need to cop on and start looking after yourself.

you have to get the sleeping situation sorted.

can you put 2 single beds in your room?

you cannot go on like this. You poor thing.

CormoranStrike · 03/05/2022 19:45

Time for some self care OP - it is not selfish to prioritise your health.

stop the after school activities - you and your chicks need to sleep.

if they want their activities back they need to sleep (medically beyond them I know) or co sleep, which is not beyond them, they just don’t like it.

2Hot2Handle · 03/05/2022 19:53

Sorry, your first line says you’re a single parent and I missed that. I can understand you wanting the kids to still have their after school clubs.
The main priority is to find you a way to get some sleep. Do you have any friends or family, who could be present for a few hours in the early evening or on weekends, so that you could get some sleep while they watch the DC? They could wake with any emergencies, but it might give you the chance to rest for a while.

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