Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Will my weight impact my children

30 replies

ShakerMakerGirl · 03/05/2022 14:03

I am obese, BMI 35.

I saw on a thread yesterday (the whole thread was taken down before I could ask) Someone say she didn't have any friends at school because her mum was fat!

Is this actually true, will my weight have an impact on my children in this way?!

I've struggled to lose weight and I am not completely stupid in terms of the impact of my weight on me (luckily none so far at 36) but surely it won't affect my daughters ability to make friends?! (They are currently 1 and 5 so haven't noticed my weight).

Does anyone have an opinion. This is not an area I have considered I might affect them before!

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 03/05/2022 14:06

A majority of adults in the U.K. are overweight or obese so your DC are no more likely to be bullied than anyone else’s because of that.

Smileandtheworldsmileswithyou · 03/05/2022 14:13

I think it depends, how overweight are you? It can be embarrassing to have a parent who is overweight but if I’m honest I would be more inclined to try to make a positive change for your health and so that you can enjoy doing things with your children. Being overweight might limit your energy when you’re playing with them as I’m sure you know, so I would use that instead of them being embarrassed to help encourage me to lose weight.

hamstersarse · 03/05/2022 14:13

That thread was particularly weird so just ignore it. In all my 47 years I have never heard someone express such an opinion.

I do think it is worthwhile you role modeling good health for your children though. I know that sounds awful, but mine are much older now and I can see how my habits around health and fitness have influenced them. And I wouldn't want it to be bad habits that have influenced them.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Weight management
edwinbear · 03/05/2022 14:19

DC have lots of friends who are all different shapes and sizes, with parents who are also all different shapes and sizes. What I care about, is whether people are decent, honest and kind, not what size they are. I think the vast majority of people feel the same.

PumpkinsandKittens · 03/05/2022 14:21

Hmm im on the fence, I am very overweight and noticed people treat me different since gaining so much weight. I do think people avoid over weight people, I don’t necessarily think it will put your child off making friends but I think some of the mums at school can be judgey about it, which could affect friendships I remember reading on here about a woman who was always ignored by the school mums until she lost loads of weight and suddenly they started talking to her and being nice to her.

trailrunner85 · 03/05/2022 14:21

It depends on whether your weight impacts on your behaviour or lifestyle or not, I guess.
If you still do active things with them like go walking/bike riding/jogging etc, and ensure they eat healthily, then it won't be an issue at all.
But you don't want your kids to be the ones who can't ride a bike, or who struggle to keep up in sport, because they're not used to doing that stuff out of school.

afinethingindeed · 03/05/2022 14:24

Yep - I struggled as a result of my mum's obesity. I was bullied for having a fat mum (she isn't just a little bit overweight but quite obese). It then made me embarrassed for the rest of my school years. I did have friends in secondary but I didn't really invite many of them to my house.

To be fair though, kids will find anything to pick on other kids about. It's unfortunately one of those things and I probably was always going to be an easy target due to my lack of confidence.

KindergartenKop · 03/05/2022 14:24

I don't think it would impact on their ability to make friends, no. However, it does still impact on them. My mother was bigger than other mums and I found that a bit embarrassing (aged between 8 and 15, I'd probably have been embarrassed by something else if it hadn't been her weight though!). Does your weight stop you from chasing your toddler and therefore keeping them safe? If you took them to Alton Towers etc would you be too big for the rides? Would you not book a trip to Alton Towers, even though the kids would love it, because you're worried about fitting on the rides?

BadNomad · 03/05/2022 14:27

Unfortunately, kids will use anything as an excuse to bully someone. I had an overweight mum too and yes it caused me problems. Kids are mean.

emuloc · 03/05/2022 14:36

I do not know if the impact of your weight will affect their friendships, but it will have an impact on them, and the food habits they learn. You have time to make a change, while they are very young.

Butteryflakycrust83 · 03/05/2022 14:48

This is an interesting thread because while on a personal level i could not give a shiny shit if a stranger likes or agrees with my body size and i absolutely would never be friends with someone who judged anyway, but its different with kids. While I want to raise my own DD to be unafraid to be different and celebrate diversity, i also dont want her to suffer unnecessarily because of what her parents look like.

Mind you, kids are largely arseholes in that respect and they may decide to pick on your kid because you wore a bright yellow jacket one day.

Butteryflakycrust83 · 03/05/2022 14:48

Also, ever been outside a school gate? The state of 99% of people anyway!

ittakes2 · 03/05/2022 14:53

I remember at 14 being mortified my mum was slim and beautiful while other mums were comfy! I remember she got out of the car once when collecting me from high school and I screamed at her to get back in. I was so embarrassed.

Original poster
ShakerMakerGirl · 03/05/2022 15:01

Thank you for your replies.

Yes I agree with that point @Butteryflakycrust83 that's my thinking. I don't care about opinions of those that don't matter to me but I would care about it impacting on my kids.

Despite my size (18 so not exactly documentary big or anything), I am fairly confident so still do everything I can, I take them swimming, I am obviously no runner but I managed to teach her to ride a bike so it isn't holding them back in that way.

OP posts:
Original poster
ShakerMakerGirl · 03/05/2022 15:04

edwinbear · 03/05/2022 14:19

DC have lots of friends who are all different shapes and sizes, with parents who are also all different shapes and sizes. What I care about, is whether people are decent, honest and kind, not what size they are. I think the vast majority of people feel the same.

I really hope so. This is something I am trying to teach them.

OP posts:
doadeer · 03/05/2022 15:15

Kids can be mean about anything. I really hope this wouldn't be a reason to be embarrassed. Though I'd echo a previous poster if it stopped you doing things like going on rides that could be an issue. As long as you eat well and exercise, those are positive examples for your kids.

FieldOverFence · 03/05/2022 15:19

I'm the same BMI as you, and am well able to keep up with my kids, I coach one of their sports teams, do cycling, hiking etc, model decent food behaviors. My kids friends seem me as "XX's Mum, the lacrosse coach", and nothing to do with my weight

Would love to be slimmer, swing up & down depending on whats going on with me, but generlaly I think its what you DO rather than how you LOOK that matters

Cameleongirl · 03/05/2022 15:20

I'd be more concerned about how your weight may impact your health, especially when you move into your 40's. My SIL, 46, is obese and has had emergency surgery for gallstones (the doctors told her that her weight was a factor in developing them) and is now pre-diabetic. My Mum had health problems when I was growing up (not related to weight) and it does impact the child, for example, anxiety about losing their parent. Perhaps try to make some changes now.

SallyWD · 03/05/2022 15:21

Kids bully other kids about anything. I was bullied because my dad was old. He wasn't actually old - he had me when he was 35 so quite normal by today's standards. However he had white hair and looked older. If your children are some of the lucky few who are universally popular people will overlook your weight. However, I think most kids get teased about something. I definitely think it's good to get fit and healthy for your sake and to be a role model though. It's a struggle for me as I have a huge appetite but after having cancer I've realised I need to look after myself for the sake of my family.

Smartiepants79 · 03/05/2022 15:23

My bigger concern would be that the children of obese parents are more likely to be obese themselves.
Perhaps time to start think about what small changes could be made to improve your fitness and health.

1000yellowdaisies · 03/05/2022 15:27

Hi Op, i have been thinking about this recently.. i am tall (5'10) but overweight. My children are in reception and nursery and i sometimes feel like im massive stood there at the school gates and it makes me conscious. I do overcompensate by trying to look good with smart flattering clothes/hair/make up etc but theres no disguising I'm bigger than most of the other mums...

I hope my daughter won't be affected but i read that other thread and cried secretly because it hit so close to home. Daughter getting picked on for a fat mum would break my heart.
I have no advice other than the advice I'm giving myself which is to try and lose weight (if you can and are medically able)

undermilkjug · 03/05/2022 15:33

I was bullied at secondary school and one of the things they picked on was my mums weight. I was very defensive of her so it became a very easy way to get a rise out of me. I never told her.

She was about twice your size so quite extreme.

Snoken · 03/05/2022 15:56

I think it depends on where you live. For a while, whilst my kids were in primary, I lived in "WAG-land" in the north west. I would say 90% of the mums at the school gate were very fit, and always had make-up, hair done etc. They all hung out in cliques, and so would their kids. I didn't ever see them speak to the mums who did not look like that, and their kids unfortunately had fewer kids to choose from when it came to playing, as the mums friendships trumped the kids friendships.

PumpkinsandKittens · 03/05/2022 16:01

What was the other thread? I haven’t seen it

BadNomad · 03/05/2022 16:22

PumpkinsandKittens · 03/05/2022 16:01

What was the other thread? I haven’t seen it

It was deleted. A mum didn't want her son to spend so much time with a fat kid with a fat mum because she was concerned he was going to get fat too.