What do you say to someone who started chemo today?

[BreezeofGreen]

Is "I hope you are as well as can be!" acceptable. Obviously can't ask her if she's ok - if she was she wouldn't be starting chemo today. Or is something like "hope the side effects aren't too bad" better. I know she was worried about it causing nausea and vomiting and losing hair.
(School mum acquaintance, not family or childhood friend.)

‘Thinking of you today’ and then follow up with an offer of something, not ‘let me know if I can help’ but rather something like ‘can I cook your family a meal on X date?’

Just say 'thinking of you today' or something similar. I have had chemo and all messages of support were appreciated to be honest, I wasn't that bothered about what they said! I hope your friend get through it all OK

Oh x post!

Hope today went amoothly
blah blan

I also bought my friend a cooking on chemotherapy cookbook and some ginger lollies to help with nausea

I felt better being able to do something because sometimes the words just seem so hard - my own weakness

Good shout for offering to cook a meal on a certain date. A couple of people did this for me and it was great! 'Let me know if you need anything' is no good really, the person won't let you know!

I would just ask her how it was! She may even want to talk about it, depending on her support.... It's what I intend to do anyway (I have a close family member about to start). You could also add 'You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to/don't feel up to it' or similar to give her an opt out in case she's feeling too delicate... 🤷🏼‍♀️

I’ve just finished 24 weeks of chemo. I appreciated any messages, but if you’re worried about saying the wrong thing, a simple ‘Hope today went ok for you…if there’s anything I can do to help you out, whatever it is, please let me know’ should suffice.

Ha other posters seem to be offering messages, I was assuming you were seeing her in person or speaking to her? I agree if just sending a message that the "thinking of you, let me know if you need anything" kind of angle is best.

'Thinking of you today, hope all goes as well as possible.'

If you're a school mum then you could offer some practical help if you can ' let me know if you want me to pick the kids up, take them to extracurricular, pick up anything.

@Lynnthesearesexnotgenderpeople I disagree…I had lots of people saying to let them know if I needed anything, and I did. I needed a lift to chemo a couple of times, needed bits of shopping picking up when I had to isolate, that kind of thing. I asked! Mind you, I think you can tell the people who are saying it as a genuine offer and those just offering platitudes…! 😁

Something like ....

"Thought of you today, hope it went ok, how are you feeling? Would you like me to drop off some soup on Thursday?"

Sending lots of love today.

Thinking of you today.

Let me know if you need anything. I'm very happy to help with shopping /childcare etc.

I think it kind of depends on the individual. For a school Mum friend, I would keep it quite light and just let her know you're thinking of her, to call if she needs help with the kids/school run, etc (if you can help of course).

Has she talked to you much about the cancer? I know some people are quite private and don't like to talk about it. My friend is undergoing chemo at the moment and we've spent a lot of time discussing the treatment itself, the staff, what the hospitals like, etc - but we both work for the NHS so have an interest in medical procedures! I would keep it light initially and be led by her as to whether she wants to talk more. She may find that some people avoid her ad they don't know what to say, so if you feel like you can talk about it openly with her then she may appreciate this.

The cancer charities have some good information on their websites about how to support friends or family members.

the thing is, I genuinely can't offer her help with the kids - she lives outside our village and her DC either get a funded taxi or she brings them. There's no bus or even footpath to their house. I don't have a car. She does know if her kids taxi doesn't show they can come to mine until they can be collected, that's a long standing offer as I live next door to the school. Her mum and MIL are on DC duty.
I don't even know how long she'll be in hospital for.

I agree with just a “thinking of you today” or similar.
My best friend sent a card for my first day of chemo that said Fuck Cancer but that is our sense of humour.

If you ever want to talk I’m here for you.

Just say ‘hope it went ok today’ if she’s not a particularly close friend and take it from there.

Thinking of you today I hope it went as well as it could have, remember I am always up for having the DC after school anytime if you need it. Please just let me know if I can help.

To a school Mum acquaintance?? 🙄….. definately not

„Thinking of you today“ or similar is good. Depending on how much you feel you can offer or feel you want to be involved you could add “let me know if you’d like a chat/leave the kids with me for an afternoon”. Also don’t take it personally if she doesn’t respond straight away, she might be feeling overwhelmed and get lots of messages initially. Chemotherapy and cancer treatment is a long slog, I really appreciated the friends who checked in with me or sent little notes throughout, it can get lonely and very boring.