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Original poster

Worried for sister

21 replies

Bluebelle88 · 02/05/2022 17:51

My sister is currently in the process of separating from her boyfriend of 20yrs, they have 4 children and both names are on the mortgage, since having the children she has been the stay at home parent , as he is the bread winner he has blocked her access to the house WiFi, changed access to the ring doorbell, and will only allow her access if she contributes, she feels like a prisoner in her own home , what can I suggest she does

OP posts:
BlanketsBanned · 02/05/2022 17:57

What has he stopped her accessing, does she pay towards the wifi, could she set up tethering on her phone or buy another wifi provider in ner name. He sounds awful I wouldnt worry about the Ring, . Has she been to a solicitor and the bank about her mortgage payments and the situation.

Original poster
Bluebelle88 · 02/05/2022 18:13

Anything she would need to access WiFi, Amazon account he has blocked, joint emails he has blocked her, he will only give the kids WiFi password to their Xbox, she has managed to get an estate agent to value the house, because he won't sell and he is reluctant to give her any money if he buys her out as he feels she hasn't contributed, she is in the process of getting a solicitor

OP posts:
Candour · 02/05/2022 18:17

This is abuse. Can she go to a free solicitor appointment in the morning or could you pay for an appointment for her? They can advise and get him to stop hopefully.

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Comedycook · 02/05/2022 18:17

Outrageous behaviour from him. I presume she's still doing all childcare while he works unencumbered by the demands of his own children. Perhaps she should suggest to him that they share childcare so she can work too?

Comedycook · 02/05/2022 18:18

In all seriousness though, she needs legal advice

Candour · 02/05/2022 18:19

Just read she is getting a solicitor. Hope she gets it sorted asap. I had a friend go through something similar. Her and her ex partner ended up selling but she was ready to force a sale too via a solicitor and the courts. It’s a long tough road but she’s so much happier.

MadeForThis · 02/05/2022 18:21

If both of their names are on the mortgage and deeds he cannot decide that she hasn't contributed enough. She owns half of the house.

As they aren't married she isn't entitled to a share of his pensions or savings as she would be in a divorce.

She needs to claim CMS now.

Original poster
Bluebelle88 · 02/05/2022 18:27

Thank you everyone for your reply's this will make her realise she's not going mad

OP posts:
BonnesVacances · 02/05/2022 18:31

Comedycook · 02/05/2022 18:17

Outrageous behaviour from him. I presume she's still doing all childcare while he works unencumbered by the demands of his own children. Perhaps she should suggest to him that they share childcare so she can work too?

This. Men who think their OH hasn't contributed anything but were happy for them to pick up the childcare really pisses me off.

OP's sis needs to start charging for childcare tbh.

Original poster
Bluebelle88 · 02/05/2022 18:42

He has never asked the kids how school was, never been to their plays or sports days, he won't even look after them

OP posts:
Babyroobs · 02/05/2022 18:57

Do they currently claim any benefits? If they are living seperately and all finances seperated then she can claim Universal credit as a single claim.

BlanketsBanned · 02/05/2022 19:07

www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/en/What-is-abuse

Original poster
Bluebelle88 · 02/05/2022 19:10

Babyroobs · 02/05/2022 18:57

Do they currently claim any benefits? If they are living seperately and all finances seperated then she can claim Universal credit as a single claim.

Only claim the basic child support nothing more

OP posts:
BlanketsBanned · 02/05/2022 19:25

It wont be up to him if he gives her any money from the sale, thats for the solicitors and courts to decide. She could go on the benefits calculator to see if she can claim anything. If I were her I would just let him get on with his silly power games, not make any fuss and wait for the solicitors advice.

evrey · 02/05/2022 19:28

This is financial and emotional abuse and is recognised within domestic abuse charitys. I would highly recommend she contact women's aid who are brilliant with helping women like your sister.

TokyoTen · 02/05/2022 19:29

Wow - at least she has a heads up at how difficult he is going to be. She needs to see a solicitor fast. He is controlling who comes to the house (as he can see on ring) as well as blocking her access to help as he's blocked the internet. She should get help from a solicitor asap. She should also take copies of all important financial docs (his salary, his pensions, his investments etc) and take steps to protect her own paperwork (anything with details of her accounts on, her passports, her kids passports) all need to be stored in a safe house I'd say.

cestlavielife · 02/05/2022 19:30

both names are on the mortgage

Goid at least
She needs legal advice
Force sale get her share
Is he goodxearner? How much child maintenance would she get?

Original poster
Bluebelle88 · 02/05/2022 19:34

cestlavielife · 02/05/2022 19:30

both names are on the mortgage

Goid at least
She needs legal advice
Force sale get her share
Is he goodxearner? How much child maintenance would she get?

Yes he's a good earner he did a calculator quote for csa money and he told her about £600,

OP posts:
Original poster
Bluebelle88 · 02/05/2022 19:34

TokyoTen · 02/05/2022 19:29

Wow - at least she has a heads up at how difficult he is going to be. She needs to see a solicitor fast. He is controlling who comes to the house (as he can see on ring) as well as blocking her access to help as he's blocked the internet. She should get help from a solicitor asap. She should also take copies of all important financial docs (his salary, his pensions, his investments etc) and take steps to protect her own paperwork (anything with details of her accounts on, her passports, her kids passports) all need to be stored in a safe house I'd say.

She has moved all her documents to my house

OP posts:
BlanketsBanned · 02/05/2022 19:40

She can do a benefit calculator for herself on your computer

BlanketsBanned · 02/05/2022 19:42

She needs to give you her mortgage details and anything about his salary, ni number, bank account number.

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