Tip for making life easier? It's exhausting!

[ImFree2doasiwant]

I recently spent a few months "letting things go," thinking that you can't do it all. All that's happened it everything is a mess!

I'm single, 2 young DC ,(young primary) I work supposed to be 3 days a week but have ended up working in school hours the other 2 weekdays.

DC go to their dad's Sundays. Yesterday, I didn't stop. Housework, wshing, ironing. I do have 2 ponies, so have to deal with them also (I know, I have had them 24 and 14 years, they are nit new additions and although they create more work, also keep me sane)

The house is a mess . I'm constantly decluttering. Cleaning. The whole place needs decorating. The garden is too much. I don't have spare money really to pay someone although I had I had man come and do 2 hours in the garden, £30 snd very disappointing with what he actually did.

Any ideas on how to make this easier? Or is this just it?

@Florrey yes thats not something I do often!

Posted loads and it vanished.

summary.

Cook once, eat twice - double whatever you make and shove half in the freezer for later. Do this before serving it so the second meal doesn’t accidentally get eaten.

try to do housework as you go along so it doesn’t mount for the Sunday. For me that means doing something in the kitchen every time I boil the kettle, whether that’s sorting the dishwasher, wiping a counter, throwing out the junk mail which gets dumped on the draining rack, or what. It’s having a stack of washable cloths in the bathroom and using one to wipe out the basin etc. once I’ve done my face, and throwing out the empty loo rolls and shampoo bottles as I find them. Which isn’t daily but periodically I remember to notice them.

early primary are old enough to spend a bit of time doing jobs with you - challenge them to fill a bin bag with rubbish from their room or set them one inside and one outside with window cleaner and a rag, get them polishing the same windows at the same time (downstairs only!). If you have moppable flooring, tie rags to their feet and get them skating around on it to polish it up after a good mop.

carve out one area of the house which you can sit in and not see all the things which need doing. Sounds as though the garden might be this for you. You know your friends; if you’ve got ones who would come and help blitz in return for a bbq then great!

Are your children in polo shirts or proper shirt and tie uniforms? If it’s polos and sweatshirts, just get into the habit of smoothing them flat with your hands as you get them out of the machine, they won’t need ironing. Or else if you do have to iron, I try to make it an evening activity, put something decent on to watch, and have hangers for it all as I do it so it isn’t then ever more folding and sorting. Bonus points for morning organisation if you can hang the ironing in full outfits - so double hanger with school trousers, shirt and jumper on. Makes mornings faster as everything is there - I have been known to hang pants and socks with it too as a grab and go kit. If you hang the shirts to dry on the hanger itself you may not need to iron at all.

book some non-housekeeping time into Sundays. I know there will always be a huge number of things needing to be done. But maybe do a couple of hours of stuff and then make time to take more time with the ponies. Or to go for a walk. Or sit in the sun with a slice of cake. Whatever brings you happiness. Take that time, that’s important weekly maintenance too! And if you can’t take it on a Sunday then make sure you get a decent lunch break at work, and take it then. Just a bit of time to pause in the week, to breathe, to be you, not mum not employee not stable hand just you.

It's really hard but I'm at the point now where I clean when my kids are with me otherwise I never get any time to myself. I clean for an hour every day except for Saturdays and it's a routine that's only just starting to work (after experimenting for 2 years). I think most people don't understand how difficult it can be when you're on your own, particularly if they're part of a happy, functioning relationship.

I've also banned myself from endless kitchen cleaning. That room is never finished.

Can the ponies ‘help’ can they be ridden for a fee?

Sounds really though, especially with the horses.

I’d second @stuntbubbles advice, assuming you are doing unpaid overtime.

I don’t follow the organised mum method, but did try it for a while. I found the timings on some rooms were way too optimistic (kitchen) and on others way too much (hallway/living rooms). It also completely skips over the amount of time needed to put the downstairs back together each day and load dishwasher/clean kitchen.

Things that help me are:

1. an audiobook with headphones each evening whilst cleaning kitchen. Set timer for 15-20 mins. Stop when it’s finished.


2. practice minimum viable cleaning. I aim to clean the bathrooms just before they look too grubby. So every 2 weeks maybe. I rinse the bath after each use and put the room back together too, so it looks fine.


3. practice minimum viable washing, only wash when things are dirty or smelly. Wash towels once a week or so and hang them to dry on hooks after use. Wash bedsheets every 2 weeks or so, kids bedding even less. Sort into piles as you take them off the drier, put them away immediately. Dry stuff that goes on hangers on hangers and put straight into wardrobe. I try to dry things outside so they don’t clutter the house.


4. build routine of doing essential day to day tasks (for me washing when needed, make bed, bedroom clear of clothes, dishwasher loaded and kitchen cleanish). Try to get children involved.


5. lots of our house is newly decorated and that does really help, it seems to distract from a little dust, I also think having a bohemian style is more forgiving. I tried to choose flooring that would hide dust etc too. Painting a room though is quite disruptive, especially if you do it yourself as it’s likely to take longer.


6. have a place for things. This takes a while to workout, but being clutter free really helps.


7. with regard to decorating - take your time choosing. I love certain colour choices I made, and feel happy just being in those rooms. Farrow and ball have an amazing color swatch for £15ish. You can play with all their colours, choose and then get them colour matched at Johnstone’s.


8. garden - I love my garden so enjoy sitting out there. I try to do things little and often to keep it tidy, so say weed a small patch or set a timer. The garden is like the house though, having some beautiful flowers and a mowed lawn will distract from lots of untidy patches etc. I just look at the parts that are beautiful. Mowing the lawn can be done every three weeks or so ime.

My housekeeping standards are a lot lower than most mumsnetters it seems, but I’d say in general it looks alright and we do get compliments on the house fairly regularly.

I’m you OP but with slightly older dc (yr5 and yr7) and probably got 10 years on you at least. No ponies. But literally everything else you say is me.
I find I have good weeks and bad weeks. My mental health is often not great or I just feel so knackered I struggle even with the basics of doing the dishes or laundry.
I don’t have the answers I’m afraid.
My dc do some things round the house but not without lots of repeated requests and massive amounts of complaining.
I understand why friends just do it themselves as it’s exhausting in itself but I persevere as it’s for their own good. But I occasionally lose my shit or crumple in tears because I’m exhausted with asking them and then checking and then asking and checking and telling and checking and then when they do it half assed and I need to do it anyway 😭

My biggest tip is though, if you don’t need the money, just give your stuff to charity. Let that go. The listing is fine but the dickhead time wasters and hagglers and do you deliver-ers can get to fuck.
I sell only things I know I can get at least a tenner for and I price them cheap so they don’t hang about.
Kids clothes go in a bag when they’re outgrown/done and as soon as the bag is full, it goes in the car and dropped at the first clothing bank bin I’m passing. It does upset me sometimes but not for long.

Housework basically sucks and is endless. There's a reason why men were so motivated to weasle out of it for the last 4000 years. There's no solution to it other than more money or more time. As kids get older they can help more. But you'll end up spending a lot of time asking and nagging and listening to them whine about it so it's not necessarily easier.

One potential solution is to move to a newer build home. And declutter massively.

Yup, that would be the perfect solution for me too but a £400k mortgage stands in the way. Damn.

I’m sorry I don’t have any useful tips I just want u to know ur not alone. Everything u have written I exactly the same. My house is a constant mess and I never seem able to sort it out. Thanks to others for the tips tho !

another two tips from me;

1. Podcasts. I hate housekeeping so I actually listen to housekeeping and cleaning podcasts while doing it. It somehow motivates me. (Wierd I know). But if you find a podcast / audio book you like the cleaning becomes pleasurable.
2. A tip I got on MN. I hate dirty fridges and cupboards. So I clean one single shel in the fridge and 1 single cupboard shelf every day as part of my routine. It means the fridge is cleaned on a 5 day rotating basis (twice in 10 days!) and also means I keep on top of what food needs to be used up. Total gamechanger. Same with the cupboards. It also takes no more than an added 5-7 minutes. The cupboards and drawers take I guess a month to get through the entire lot but as I was not cleaning my cupboards and drawers once a month this is a massive improvement.

And I iron in front of trash tv with a glass of wine every sunday. I actually really enjoy it.

I’m another one who quite likes ironing. I do all the washing over the weekend and do the ironing listening to Jonny Walker on a Sunday afternoon. I find clothes just look better with a bit of an iron and I feel better for knowing it’s done for the week. I tend to buy enough uniform not to need a mid week wash.

I have a steam generator iron so ironing for four of us (school uniforms, work shirts and the odd top) takes about an hour.

@UpdateStoleMyProfile I do cook extra portions, but tend to eat the same 2 days in a row, we all (me and 2 DC) eat it obe day, then I have it the next and they will have something different (but quick!) I already dont iron, they have polo shirts and sweat shirts. The last part of your post made me a bit tearful tbh. I do do pony stuff on Sundays but I'm always so rushed its started to feel like a chore rather than an enjoyable thing.

@FriedTomatoe an hour hour day sounds like a lot! Does that include washing up, laundry etc? I do need to start doing something other than the basics each day.

@Suzi888 ponies can't be used, 1 is too old, is too brainless. Insurance is extortionate for charging oeople to ride.

@thetulipsarelookinglovely thank you, number is key,and what I'm hoping to achieve. The decorating thing is so true, ican clean and tidy all day long but the wallpaper is still ripped.

@onitlikeacarbonnet mine are receptionand Yr2 and im nearly45. I dont think that helps! Im going a sale next weekend to try to sell some stuff, then another the week after. What's not gone after that i will charity shop.

Sounds like a lot yes.

I found that just sitting in the chaos and telling myself that it will be a gradual process worked. Each thing I have to do, which includes lots by the way, I sit and work myself up to it mentally first, and I say that once that is done I can move on. One thing at a time. I'm just getting my house organised. I'm on top of cleaning finally. The garden is a whole other area too. But that can wait. I need to declutter a major cupboard first.

I have a job I need to get started and I pursuit that has a deadline too. Today I'm working, tomorrow I will do the other piece of work, and the other thing will be pushed but it's okay because I will get around to it or push the deadline again, and the garden still won't be done but it will get done eventually.

Sorry but I think it really is about giving yourself a break and knowing that things will be pushed back and will take time and that that’s okay.

For the last 2 years I've been studying part-time on my days off/evenings and working a few days a week. I decided early on that my time alone with no kids (also both primary) is precious and I'm not going to waste it on housework tasks that can be done while the kids are home (cleaning/washing/hoovering or food shop - I either do evenings when partner is home/he does it on his day off/home delivery planned for my days off).

Yes our house is messier, but I'm able to prioritise what's really important to me - my studies, getting out to exercise/yoga at home without distraction of kids.

I keep a list of admin tasks for the week and I sit down at a set time every week to get through these or plan them in for the week when they need doing.

I don't iron. We have a tumble drier and I just fold straight from there.

I have a set time each week for cleaning upstairs - beds, floors bathroom. My kids also have to clean and tidy their rooms at the same time. I let them choose their music on Spotify as bribery.

I work in education so have the same holidays as my kids. I book them in for 2-3 days in their current childcare so they have some social interaction, and I get time to myself (for studying, work or bigger household tasks that I really don't want them around for) and also time with each of them on-to-one.

I also make my life easier by meal planning and making sure the freezer has batch-cooked/leftover options (we always have bolognese and soup in the freezer, often stew, casserole base). The washing-up is always done straight after dinner and everyone lays out their clothes before they go to bed.

My garden is also a mess. I'm not in a position to make any of the big changes I want to right now (plant hedge, add raised beds for veg) but will start planning for this once my studies are finished next year.

My main issue is that I've let it go and accepted it for the past few years, and now I'm fed up with it. It's got worse as the dc have got older abd got more stuff. I actually feel like I wouldn't want anyone new to come round.

Just chiming in to say I sympathise. I have 3 young kids and find it overwhelming, even with a supportive husband who really pulls his weight.
I too tried to 'let things go' and 'ĺower my standards' and that just made things much worse. I'm trying to train my kids to help out more. It gets me down too.

I think decluttering is extremely helpful. It's on my to do list for DD's bedroom and our lounge as those are the rooms that cause me the stress.

But even before decluttering, it's a lot easier to keep things clean and tidy if they are done properly first. Can you afford a once off deep clean of your house by a cleaner or agency? Or, commit every 3rd week or so when the DC are at their dads to doing a really deep full clean. It then becomes a much easier job on a day to day basis to dust/clean/wipe down surfaces etc. Also, some of these jobs, when they're less onerous, the DC might find quite fun and/or incentivised for some cash. DD will wipe down all the cupboards in the kitchen and I give her £1. It takes her the same amount of time as it takes me to clean the kitchen, unload the dishwasher etc, but actually, that's one less task for me. It also means I'm doing it with DD rather than leaving her sitting watching a tablet. Her and DS also enjoy using a handheld vacuum on the stairs. And DS (older, admittedly) spent an hour cleaning windows for some cash this weekend!

I got a robot vacuum and it has honestly changed my life. I quite often spend 30 minutes doing some quick tidying and dusting and get the robot vacuum on and then leave it doing its thing. 90 minutes later my house feels 100x cleaner.

We are in desperate need of new couches. So we have a couple of cheap throws that we put over them. It can make the room look a lot tidier because it's not all manky, dirty, stained couches. It's not ideal and certainly not a decorative choice, but from a tidiness perspective, it helps a lot.

I've had the depressing realisation that itis actually endless. Yes,you can declutter to make it easier, but you just have to keep doing it.

Definitely do the working bee to get the garden sorted if you have willing friends or family. Feed them ( simply) afterwards.
Honestly, it's not quick or easy but get rid of as much excess stuff as you can out of your house. Clothes, books, kitchen stuff, Knick knacks, linen cupboard, bathroom cabinets. Just donate and forget. Having room to put things away without a struggle I found was half my tidiness battle, crammed cupboards are your enemy.
Good luck with it all!

On the endlessness of it:

• once decluttered and cleaned it is a lot less work to maintain even though there will always be some work.
• could a change of attitude help? In some versions of Japanese Buddhism (and in Hinduism also, where it us called karm yoga) there is the concept of performing tasks, including housework, as a type of spiritual practice, where you feel satisfaction from doing the tasks themselves rather than satisfaction with the results of the task. (This might not be useful to you, but personally I find it helpful).

-can you build in little things into your household which give you a little jolt of pleasure when you encounter them while doing the housework? For example, I decant my dishwasing liquid into a transparent soap dispenser by the sink. It makes it easier to get the dishwasing liquid out when using and it also looks prettier. Bog standard green Palmolive suddenly looks all jewel-like when it's in a different dispenser. Similarly, I have scented soap placed at nose height on a shelf in the clothes cupboard, so that I get the scent of it when putting clean clothes away.

@boronia it will definitely be easier once there is less clutter, and as you say its easier to have a place for everythibg then.The DC though provide an endless source of clutter - clothes, toys, "crafts and artwork". I'm doing very well at bringing less into the house but I can't account for others!

I have a car boot full to take to a sale then on to a charity shop.

@ohdrearydrearyme I'd love a change of attitude with it, and I am enjoying the results! The actual doing if it I would take more pleasure in if I had more time I think.