Anyone else not out having a lovely time?

stopwaitingforpermissiontobeyou · 30/04/2022 21:50

Whoatealltheminieggs · 30/04/2022 21:49

Tonight I feel really low about my social situation.
I’ve moved around a lot and been divorced and remarried. Haven’t kept in touch with any school friends or uni friends. The current area I live in with dh is quite a small town close knit community. Everyone seems to have grown up here with very long standing friendships. When we first moved here I really struggled to find a permanent job that fitted in around the children so haven’t made any friends at work. I now work from home nights and look after my youngest in the daytime while dh works. My eldest is doing brilliantly and has lots of friends at school. I used to chat with mums on play dates but now everyone just drops their kids off so that’s gone. I take the youngest to playgroups and mums chat to me but that’s as far as it goes. Some have added me on Facebook and I can see what busy social lives they have.
I tried joining peanut but nobody really talks on there and there’s no meetups here. I’d probably struggle to go any way because of working in the evening. I’ve looked at community groups but a lot of them seem to be for age 50 plus.
Felt particularly awful tonight as I went into the local town to get a bit of shopping and saw a group of mums from my dc school all dressed up going out. They waved at me but I must have looked a complete saddo juggling my shopping bags.
Me and DH haven’t been out together for 6 months as no family around us and budget doesn’t stretch to babysitters.

I can sympathise OP. I feel like all my friends have husbands or kids and then there's just me.

Original poster

Whoatealltheminieggs · 30/04/2022 21:54

@stopwaitingforpermissiontobeyou I feel
like husbands might actually be easier to find than friends if you’re over 30 😂 and that’s saying something!

OP posts:

stopwaitingforpermissiontobeyou · 30/04/2022 22:03

Whoatealltheminieggs · 30/04/2022 21:54

@stopwaitingforpermissiontobeyou I feel
like husbands might actually be easier to find than friends if you’re over 30 😂 and that’s saying something!

Hahaah indeed I am...

PatientlyWaiting21 · 30/04/2022 22:29

Sending hugs, that sounds rough. Anyway, you don’t need baby sitters make a deal to have a date night at the house. Get dressed up, get a takeout, few drinks or whatever you would do on a date!

MiddleParking · 30/04/2022 22:32

Have you ever, in your entire life, looked at a woman carrying shopping bags and waved to her while thinking, “look at her with those shopping bags, what a saddo”?

Original poster

Whoatealltheminieggs · 30/04/2022 22:51

Both very valid points. It’s also a rainy cold night so I can console myself that I’m not teetering about bar hopping in heels I suppose! I think I just miss female company. I’m quite a girly girl ( if we’re allowed to say that anymore) so it’s that element I miss really more than going out.

OP posts:

Rubyroseyposey · 30/04/2022 22:52

Whoatealltheminieggs · 30/04/2022 21:54

@stopwaitingforpermissiontobeyou I feel
like husbands might actually be easier to find than friends if you’re over 30 😂 and that’s saying something!

Sad but true 😂

WonderingWanda · 30/04/2022 22:55

Try and start arranging things, do you or dh know anyone you could invite over for dinner? Do you get any nights off? Could you set up a book group? Is your youngest toddling yet? Is there a soft play or other age appropriate attraction nearby, maybe you could suggest going togetyger to one of the Mums at the playgroup, might be a way to get to know them a little better. To make new friends you've got to put yourself out there, not all of them will become your friends and you might discover you don't like them but at least in the process you are busier and socialising.

How old is your eldest? If still pre teen then you could suggest a day out in school holidays with one of his friends and their Mum, a zoo, theme park, museum etc.

NrlySp · 30/04/2022 22:57

Next time you see anyone from that group say you would love to come along next time. You have nothing to lose afterall?
Is there a ladies circle where you live?
or ask on a local FB group if anyone wants to start a fun wine and Book Club.

Original poster

Whoatealltheminieggs · 30/04/2022 23:18

WonderingWanda · 30/04/2022 22:55

Try and start arranging things, do you or dh know anyone you could invite over for dinner? Do you get any nights off? Could you set up a book group? Is your youngest toddling yet? Is there a soft play or other age appropriate attraction nearby, maybe you could suggest going togetyger to one of the Mums at the playgroup, might be a way to get to know them a little better. To make new friends you've got to put yourself out there, not all of them will become your friends and you might discover you don't like them but at least in the process you are busier and socialising.

How old is your eldest? If still pre teen then you could suggest a day out in school holidays with one of his friends and their Mum, a zoo, theme park, museum etc.

I have actually done this with a few of the mums but it’s never been followed up by them so I’ve felt like maybe they didn’t enjoy my company. Then I’ve seen them out every weekend on their social media with lots of friends so I kind of understand why they wouldn’t bother? If you’ve already got a load of friends, husband and kids why would you?
I don’t work every night but I do some charity work for elderly people voluntarily and there’s not many other people who bother so don’t feel like I can give it up.
DH is a bit low on friends too unfortunately as he’s senior in his job and it isolates him a bit so no there’s nobody to invite for dinner really. Sorry I know I sound defeatist.

OP posts:

Psychgrad · 01/05/2022 00:25

You’re not the only one OP!

Im still quite young, have no kids and I have spent the last two bank holiday weekends with zero plans. I have been walking around with an awful depressed feeling all day as I live in a busy area and can literally see people out in beer gardens/ parks from my window. Everyone is out in the buzz of it all while I’m in trying to busy myself with laundry, yoga or reading (all things i can do any other time so not exactly fun).

dp and I used to have lots of couple friends but they all left during lockdown and my dp is quite introverted so being ‘in’ all day rather appeals to him.

we also don’t have a lot of money and live in an expensive city so going out really breaks the bank so we only do it every so often.

my only advice is try take on some more hobbies so at least you’re busy and you can potentially make friends while doing something you enjoy. Could you invite some of the mums over for dinner one night? Join a book club? Or running club if there is one as they are usually quite busy with people.