Things you never EVER thought you'd say to your teenager...

[lucysmam]

Don't bite my elbow 🙄🙄🙄

I was putting something in a pan, on the hob, & she was attempting to bite something in my other hand...that went so well that dd1 bit my elbow 🤣🤣

It's quite sore, as it happens!

To 17 year old dd 'anyone can have great sex with a prat. The clever thing to do is have great sex with a great person'.

Neither she nor our neighbour who overheard seemed particularly impressed. But I stick by it.

'Why don't you go out and get drunk and maybe go to a club?'

I had very sensible teens. They didn't take my advice. They were fully aware of my teenage years and apparently didn't want to emulate them. Tsk.

Please go and hang around in underpasses with your friends!

(It was just after the strict Covid restrictions had been lifted; I was sick of them being round the house and there wasn't a lot else they could do).

I heard myself say to my 13 yr old dd today 'don't stuff that tennis ball in your mouth'. :)

"Turn the music up".....the song she was listening to at the time was one of my favourites.

So you can take your riding kit off in front of our glass kit front door 😜😠😱with no issues including your pants but you cover your bits with your hands when you don’t lock the bathroom door and someone walks in on you and screams at them. - but strangers are fine 👌

I caught myself asking:
''Won't you be cold?''

A normal enough question. However -

i spent my teens roaming London in a tiny mini skirt, t shirt and fishnets in ALL weathers, and for 8 months of each and every year every time i left the house my parents would tut and ask the above and each and every time i'd roll my eyes so hard they'd nearly fall out of my head and answer ''noooooooooooooooooooooooooo ohmygodohmyGODjustleavemealone!'' <dramatic sigh>

😂😂

Adult ds just left for weekend away with friends 'don't do anything silly again like finish everybody's brownies'! He doesn't like waste, first trip abroad with friends was to Amsterdam, they were 'special' brownies.......... He was very, very 🤢sick😳

@Mossstitch that one's properly made me laugh. Myself and a couple of friends are half planning a trip to Amsterdam next year ish & I'm not one for food waste 🤣🙈

Dd16 walked into kitchen and said to me, ‘Fuck off you cunt’ (testing her luck as zero tolerance for her swearing). She was joking and being quite friendly that day.

I think she thought I would go crazy. I replied, ‘I am not a cunt, your a cunt, go fuck off). Pinched from that great cockney comedian.

Her jaw dropped and we both laughed and laughed. Never thought I would have a special moment with my dd over calling each other a cunt 😂

I'm not sure which is worse - you tolerating your child calling you that, you calling your child that, or the fact that you said "your" instead of "you're".

I found myself explaining to her what a butt plug was for!

DD makes "special brownies", in the Kitchenaid I gave her!

Arrgh quoted the wrong post, sorry!

What drugs have you done other than spliff?

As part of a conversation DCs started, I said “just so you know, women don’t usually get pleasure from a willy alone.”
DC15 said “Oh I thought they did!”