Would this have caused an argument in your house,?

[Scottsforsure281]

I'm struggling with my DS's new found teenagerness, I really don't know if I'm too soft or too strict at times.

We've all had covid, I'm CEV so it's hit me hard, today's the 1st day in 2 weeks I've felt able to do anything more than cook a simple meal. Did some stuff in the house then decided to tackle the garden.

DS is 13, he's had exams all week, he's having a chill day today and then has plans for tomorrow and Monday. I was really struggling to move the garden furniture and asked him to help, after some huffing he started to help me move the egg chair, putting in so little effort I ended up doing it myself. I then asked him to move his basket ball post, its heavy and awkward but I've seen him do it multiple times. He can't, his arms are aching, he can see me struggling, says I can do it. I asked if he was being serious, yes he says so I told him to get in the house.

I went in later and I've told him (well shouted at him) that I don't understand how he can see me struggling like that and not want to help particularly when he knows I've been unwell and its his stuff I'm struggling with! He never asks if anything needs doing, he never helps with anything unless its under duress or he's being given pocket money for it.

I wish I hadn't shouted but he's become so incredibly selfish. AIBU to have pulled him up on this?

I think I'd be "too tired" to do things for him for a bit... make dinner, buy in snacks, give lifts, do his laundry...

Oh goodness, is this what I have in store? My DS is such a nice boy 😳 Im dreading when he turns thirteen.

Also, feel better soon lovey💐

A chill day surely doesn't mean that you can't get off your arse for a couple of minutes to help your Mum?

It's all part of living together & helping each other isn't it?

I can confirm you are absolutely wrong in your assumption!

I think I would have explained that I'm still feeling unwell and needed his help. If he refused, I'd have said that he can either move it now, or move it later and then he would have to weed/clear the area around it himself, and have it done by the end of the day.

I would be very disappointed in his selfishness and tell him so. I wouldn't put this down to teenagers as many, many teenagers are not this selfish. He has eyes and brain so he knew you were struggling.

Totally agree with TheMoth everyone helps when needed, no complaints. OP's son was asked to move 2 things which would have taken no more than 2 minutes out of his how many hours of his "chill day"? 16 hours if he sleeps for 8.

In this house you complain about having sore arms then you can sit out in the garden until your arms miraculously recover and you move your basketball hoop. My sons have both hauled a load of gravel, bucket by bucket when needed when we were making over the garden. We were all out there. When they boy's arms ached they took a break but also went and got us all cold drinks and brought them out to the garden. They do chores for free, no payment in this house, they cook meals, do laundry etc as we are teaching them to be functioning adults.

All this autonomy shit is the same for adults too, unless you have a job where you decide what you do that day. Things need doing, everyone in the family should be mucking in. My sons do stuff without complaint because for most of the day on weekends they get to do what they want and we might ask them to spare us 10 minutes in the 16 hours they are awake.

All kids seem to go through his, my DS1 was a horror, refused to listen and tried to play DP and me against each other. He kept insisting he was old enough to make his own choices (at 15!) So I said fair enough if you want to be an adult I’ll treat you like one. All mothering duties were suspended, no ironing of school uniform, giving lifts, making his packed lunches etc. He lasted less than 3 days before he came and apologised to me.

This would certainly have caused a row when I was growing up. My mum wasn't around so my dad brought us up and he could be quite firm. If one of us had made a fuss about helping, the usual response was 'This is my house and I pay the bills, so I make the rules and if you don't like it you can leave'. Also 'If you don't work, you don't eat'. As teenagers we seethed with resentment, but we did what we were asked to do.

I'd have got my arse handed to me on a plate but I wouldn't have dared refuse either. My own kids would have been told and done as I said because they would know that they would have been spending the next two days confined to barracks "resting their arms" had they said that to me.

He's a 13 year old boy. He's therefore genetically a dickhead. They all get there somewhere between Y8 and 9.

They usually start becoming more human again towards the end of Year 10/start of Year 11.