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Original poster

Ideas for what to say to people who repeat themselves

29 replies

MrsGatsby99 · 29/04/2022 18:26

I am a bit fed up with this right now so please give me a bit of leeway here…
I have some family members (PIL) who often repeat the same story or phrase and by often I mean we have heard the stories 30+ times over the years and they say the same phrases several times each day. It’s always the same set of phrases applied to a situation that in the end, it means very little. They are very kind but it is so grating. Most of the time this is ok as we only see them a few times a year but as this is for a few weeks at a time, it is hard to stay patient. Any ideas why people do this and how to deal with it, either with words, actions or just internally dealing with it (which is the way I have coped up to now, ie smiling as if it is the first time I have heard it, making an inane comment or sometimes saying, ‘ oh yes, you already told me that’.

I realise there might not be an answer here, they are fully set in their ways now.

OP posts:
BiscuitLover3678 · 29/04/2022 18:27

I tend to say yes I remember that and sometimes finish the story for them!

For the older ones I don’t see very often I let it go as I rarely see them.

5zeds · 29/04/2022 18:30

People bore me all the time (and I assume I must bore others sometimes). I hope I have the good manners not to show it.

Buzzer3555 · 29/04/2022 18:30

I just bite my tongue and paint a smile on my face. I feel your pain.

Florrey · 29/04/2022 18:31

Have you considered they may have difficulties that cause them to repeat stories? I’m autistic and I can be very repetitive.

lightand · 29/04/2022 18:33

Nod and smile. Nod and smile.

Kanaloa · 29/04/2022 18:33

As they’re really nice I think I’d just tolerate it but let my mind wander. We had an elderly aunt who did it but now I miss hearing her same old stories again! We even tell them when we’re all together as a family, if anyone mentions a certain part of the country everyone in the family goes ‘ooohhh if auntie Jenny was here we’d all hear how she xyz.’

If they weren’t so nice I’d be tempted to take over the telling of the story and tell it in stereo to show that I’d heard it all before.

yourestandingonmyneck · 29/04/2022 19:30

What kind of phrases are they repeating?

Original poster
MrsGatsby99 · 29/04/2022 22:05

Thank you, everyone. I actually coped better tonight for having posted this. Just tried to steer the conversation a bit more which worked well.
@yourestandingonmyneck It’s in a different language and full of quite idiomatic phrases. Like ‘takes one to know one’, that kind of thing.
i think I am really polite after over two decades 🤪but they really don’t realise they do it so I can put up with it… I would hate to hurt their feelings and you are right @Kanaloa , I very well may really miss it one day.
@Florrey that is possible but I haven’t noticed any other traits.

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 29/04/2022 22:07

That sounds quite normal to me, a lot of people are like that especially as they get older. They are just connecting and socialising with you in their own way.

LizzieSiddal · 29/04/2022 22:10

My mum does this alot, sometimes I let her just carry on and retell the story, other times, especially if we’re in a rush, I will say “oh yes I think I remember that, was it….” Then finish the story quickly. I think it’s just part of getting old to be honest.

Duettino · 29/04/2022 22:13

My grandad and his senior friends knew they repeated themselves a lot. We used to hold a finger up for each time we had heard the story and they'd chuckle and stop.

Scrunchy95 · 29/04/2022 22:16

Clap your hands to your mouth…gasp…. Point at them as you back away saying “There’s a glitch in the Matrix!”

Skinterior · 29/04/2022 22:19

My DFIL used to tell me the same four stories about his friend Jo Bloggs, who I never met. We lost him this year and Jo Bloggs was at the funeral.

After years and years of nodding and smiling and thinking I'd die of boredom, actually seeing this person was very emotional. I miss DFIL.

MMBaranova · 29/04/2022 22:21

If you know what is coming, lay in wait for a particular instance being reached and try to send things down a different track. 'Ah yes the house in Meath, what was it like when you first had it?' - it can be a game, but can also add your knowledge.

One day they will be gone and you will still remember some of their stories.

Irridescantshimmmer · 29/04/2022 22:22

Got a nieghbour like this and he is a pain in the a@se haha. I just tell tell him "you've said that already then he goes and says it again to a point where I can repeat it word for word.

It's like watching dog poo decompose.

NC2bFair · 29/04/2022 22:27

I'm sure I do this , not stories/ phrases especially but other things (things I'm worried about or trying to figure out, no doubt highly boring to others).

I'm not sure what I should do about it though, should I just stop talking, if you see what I mean? Just say nothing if I'm not going to say something new or original.

I could potentially write down things that are going round in my head and try not to say anything. I think my family might find it a bit odd if I just 'smile and nod' or make non-commital noises but might also be relieved I'm not saying the same thing.

Just wondering OP what you'd prefer to hear - if this sounds odd I apologise. I think I'm on the other end of your question and genuinely wish I knew how to handle it better.

Alphabet1spaghetti2 · 29/04/2022 22:28

Selective deafness and day dreaming are your friends in these situations. If you get called a dolly daydream, you are doing it right!

CorsicaDreaming · 29/04/2022 22:32

We have this with all our DPs now - all in their 80s. Just listen again...

Sometimes I play Internal Bingo
(but it's generally polite not to actually shout BINGO! at the PiLs)

Weather
X place has really gone down since we last went
Did you know X has died
Aren't you looking tired
What busy lives you lead

Smile and agree

We do also discuss
Ukraine
When will WW3 start
Wasn't Brexit a bad idea

I think I prefer Bingo sometimes...

packedlunches · 29/04/2022 22:38

MIL does this. What makes it doubly frustrating is that she talks really slowly, uses three times the amount of words necessary and goes off on a tangent multiple times. I very often say, "Oh yes I remember you telling me this". She usually completely ignores this and carries on talking 🤯

catsonahottinroof · 29/04/2022 22:38

My mum does this all the time, sometimes I ignore and feign interest, other times I say 'yes, you've told me this story before' to try and hurry things along.
HOWEVER, today after repeating several tales which she'd already told me on the phone yesterday, I got a really weird deja vu when both her and my DP repeated the same anecdotes, almost word for word, that they had relayed a few weeks ago- my mum's first and DP's in response. I couldn't help it and said 'you've BOTH already had the exact same conversation' and neither could remember. Quite worrying really.

CorsicaDreaming · 30/04/2022 16:04

packedlunches · 29/04/2022 22:38

MIL does this. What makes it doubly frustrating is that she talks really slowly, uses three times the amount of words necessary and goes off on a tangent multiple times. I very often say, "Oh yes I remember you telling me this". She usually completely ignores this and carries on talking 🤯

I once said this to my Mum (never since!) and she said, " Well does it matter? I was looking forward to telling you the story."

And seemed genuinely affronted I'd had the temerity to tell her I'd already heard it.

I just listen and relax into it now.

I accept the conversations aren't really for my benefit now - but I've had so much support from her over nearly half a century I think it's probably time to reverse the roles.

CorsicaDreaming · 30/04/2022 16:05

It's much harder with PiLs though!

HailAdrian · 30/04/2022 16:06

I have a colleague who does this. How can he not remember telling that story 100 times already!?

darlingdodo · 30/04/2022 16:07

It'll probably happen to you at some point. Just nod, smile and hope your family do the same with you in years to come.

EddieHowesBlackandWhiteArmy · 30/04/2022 16:15

My grandma does this. It’s painful. And she monopolises your attention to repeat the same old stories so when in a group situation you’re stuck in her laser beam listening to the tale of how she nearly DIED having your uncle 60 years ago after you passed remark on something that she managed to vaguely link back to an opportunity to regurgitate her story, while the rest of the group are chatting absolutely something far more interesting. It’s frustrating and it makes me not want to see her as it is exhausting and boring. If I don’t have the energy do the nodding and smiling thing I’ve found pretending something else has emergently caught your attention and just walking off to be reasonably effective. She’s not arsed. She just locks her beam onto the next person and word vomits into their lugholes instead.