Has anyone taken a career break to support older children?

[LabraDabraDoo]

I've always worked and love my job. I have generally worked between 4-5 days and, despite various challenges we have always managed okay. We had help from grandparents, which isn't now an option. We have no other family nearby to help.

DS has SEN and is moving into Year 6 and then transitioning to a new school. He's in a good place at the moment, but I think that he will need a lot of support. DD (13) was always our 'easy' one, but has developed some mental health issues, for which she is likely to need our emotional and practical (driving to psychology appointments etc.) support for a while to come. DH is absolutely supportive and (despite running a large team) is very much involved. He doesn't complain, but I do know he feels pulled between work and home much of the time.

I am considering taking a semi career break. I work freelance, and would continue to work two days per week, but would give the rest of the time over to supporting the children through their secondary years, and taking the pressure of DH (and maybe helping ageing parents soon). I can see on paper this makes perfect sense, but I have a strong professional identity, and guess I had imagined being able to go full time once the children were at secondary school, and growing my business. But it seems like the opposite is what we need. Although the time might open the door to some other opportunities (like writing around my area of knowledge) that I've wanted to explore. We'd still have enough money for a decent lifestyle.

I just wondered if anyone else has done something similar, either through choice or necessity, and how it went for them? My children are used to me working and I don't want them to feel like they've become my project, but on the other hand, I can see that they both need more parenting, not less, at the moment.

Any thoughts and experiences appreciated.

What you say makes a lot of sense, my experience (three now adult kids, last one finished school just last year) is that in lots of ways they need you more, not less, in the teenage years. I have been lucky enough to always work freelance/part time so was able to adjust my work to suit. BUT, in my professional life as a mediator working with families post separation I have also seen many women totally screwed by making this kind of decision and then ending up with their high earning DH (because they enabled it) moving on to pastures new leaving them scrambling to rebuild a career while the love of their life shrugs and says “not my problem”. A bit harsh I know but think carefully about it and have some very upfront conversations with your DH before making any decisions.

Thanks you Flatandhappy. I have considered this a bit, and we do need to find a good solution to this. I am confident if the worst came to the worst, I could pick up full time work very quickly. However, I need to make sure that any savings and pensions are fairly allocated while I'm earning less.

I’ve been considering this but I wouldn’t make it permanent. Can you do it for a fixed period?

I was going to suggest taking a couple of months parental leave which is unpaid but you can return to your job after. But that doesn’t apply if you’re freelance. I’m strongly considering this for this summer holidays to spend time with tween DCwho are too old for summer camps and too young to be left all day.

I’d be looking to do it for two years and then review the situation. Hopefully things will be on a more even keel but life just keeps on throwing stuff at us!

Yes. I did it when my SEN dd moved into Year 7. It was the best thing I could have done. I walked to the bus stop with her every morning for the first two terms. I helped her with organisation and homework. I really believe it made all the difference to her. She entered year 8 really confident and happy. I returned to work. We were a bit broke but it was so worth it. Just to get her started.

Covid has propelled me into working from home most of the time.
This has meant I not only get up with DD in the morning, but I am home when she gets back and I collect her from school once a week too.
It's really nice. I've actually been around for her far more as a teen than I was able to when she was little. She has some sporadic MH issues and I think she finds me being at home very comforting.
I think she needs me more now perhaps than when she was small although in theory she's more independent! If you can, I would, it's their last few years at home and quite a tumultuous time.

Thank you. For us, the move to year 7 is a big factor. Fingers crossed, it’ll go seamlessly and I’ll be utterly unneeded. It has at last come out how much DD has struggled too and now that she has opened up she is looking for and needing lots of nurture ( chats, tv together, favourite meals cooked) and I really want time to give that to her.

I have a 13 year old with SEN. I've always worked part time as there's often school or medical appointments to attend.

It's the only way we can manage it as a family without being run ragged and being highly stressed. We do receive DLA which helps plug the gap in earnings for having to do reduced hours.

My DD is yr 10 and also found yr7 pretty brutal. Lockdown started while she was in yr8 and having a horrible time still. Having a long break from school was brilliant and going into yr9 and now 10 has been a breeze in comparison, although next year might be a bit more stressful with exams. With hindsight, I wish I had been around more at the start of high school as she found the transition hard.

I didn't take a career break but continued to work part time 3 days a week, I upped to 4 days when my son was in year 11, a little bit earlier than I planned but it worked out.

My son has ASD and learning difficulty. He was also adopted at age 8 and had to deal with massive changes, including transitioning from a tiny special school into larger mainstream schools. We had a lot of intervention from age 10 - 14. I would have struggled to work full time but as a single parent had to continue working
Its finding a balance that works for your family

Given you are freelance would it be possible to reduce your hours so they are more school friendly, something like 9-3 daily (or 4 days a week so you have a day for jobs). I assume your children will be in school everyday and this would then allow you be available for then when they are not in school. This would still keep your career going more. I work broadly school hours although my children are primary age and it works well for home and work

Yes, it's a bit of a myth they want u less as they get older. I survived somehow but my sn ds was at a residential secondary school Mon-Fri.

There was a lady at my office who worked in sales and had 2 girls. The company wouldn't let her work part-time so she left when the younger one went to 2ndary school as she felt they needed her more.

Subsequently she went to teach at a college doing the hours when the girls were at school.

Thanks for the messages. It's very reassuring that others have come across similar issues and made it work. At the moment, I'm thinking I'll do 2 days, school hours (18 hours per week). I think I'll carry on doing a day a week in the school holidays, as we'd drive each other mad being home together all the time. DH works from home 3 days a week, so we can make that work. DD gets home a little later than school hours (4.30) but I do find making the transition tricky, and could do with half an hour, just to get in a 'mum' frame of mind.

Hi OP

If you can financially afford this then I’d definitely consider it - presumably you could up to 2 1/2 days if manageable etc? If you can pick up work and if it’s time limited then shouldn’t have too much impact on pension etc.

One of my DC has SEN and I am currently trying to think of there is anyway I can re jig my life for the transition to year 7 for precisely these reasons - to try and give him the best chance ( unfortunately I’m a single parent so more challenging to do). Also because I’ve learnt when it goes wrong at school it inevitably impacts your work ( and everything else) hugely anyway, so better to do everything possible to help avoid that!

It can also be emotionally draining by supporting DC with mental health and SEN - so don’t feel bad if you need this for yourself as well!

I've got slightly younger DC than you - but a career break for such issues has long been on my radar, particularly for my youngest.

I'm fortunate to work somewhere which would facilitate this to a degree.

I have adjusted my freelance hours to accommodate being there for my kids 12 and 16yrs (both SEN). Yes my career has taken the hit but I just think the kids have to take priority. Given I have the flexibility in my work I do think its been the right thing for us, they do need me more but in an informal way so just being around is good for us all and I can work around it. It feels a juggle but won't be for the long term, maybe a few more years. I would say I'm fortunate as it doesn't impact my income, more my free time for myself which I do really value and have to make sure I make time for for my own healths sake.